


Satisfied

by flarrow_bitches (MaybeImToBlame)



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Barry cries a lot, Double Penetration, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I just like to torture Barry ok?, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Multi, Olivarry endgame, Painful Sex, Polyamorous ColdWave, Rough Sex, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Threesome - M/M/M, coldflashwave smut only once, drug overdose, not coldflashwave endgame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2018-05-23 03:17:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 80,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6103071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaybeImToBlame/pseuds/flarrow_bitches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This wasn't what friends did... and that's what they were, friends. But Barry couldn't help himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Weight Of The Load

Barry’s back hit the bed with a soft thud, he closed his eyes as he felt soft lips on his neck. Hot breath fanning over it as the person above him continued to move and trail kisses everywhere their lips could reach, he gasped as they sucked harshly, hands coming up to grip at their head. Short tufts of hair providing for no leverage, but still feeling amazing under his fingers. He let his hands run through the person’s hair as the groaned, causing sweet vibrations to add to the sensation of them sucking into his skin.  
“Barry…” they gasped, coming up to his face to press their lips to his own, Barry closed his eyes and kissed back, relishing the feeling. This was the only time this would ever happen, and he was too selfish to not let it. He wanted this. God he wanted this. He couldn’t pinpoint the moment that he’d began falling, but he had been helpless to stop himself. He knew this was wrong, he knew Oliver was just hurting after what had happened with Felicity. He knew that none of it was real and that most likely he’d just fucked up whatever friendship the two had, but he wanted this so badly… craved it. And couldn’t help but give in when he’d looked into Oliver’s face and seen how broken he looked, tears streaming down his face, their faces so close to one and others. Barry had never been good with people crying, especially not people who he’d never think he’d see cry, and the pain on Oliver’s face had been too much, he was clueless as to what to do to help the man, and so he’d pressed their lips together, as soon as he himself came to his own senses and realized what he’d done, he was about to pull back and stutter apologies, but then he realized that Oliver hadn’t stopped kissing him, he hadn’t pushed him away, in fact he was kissing him back fiercely, Barry moaned at the feelings of his soft lips and let Oliver push him onto his back and part his lips. Somehow, they’d ended up in his bedroom a while after that, he was glad that Joe was out of town at the moment and that Iris had gotten her own apartment. 

It was anything but gentle, nothing like Barry had hoped it would have been, but it was still good. Oliver was an attentive lover, but also very rough and aggressive. He didn’t leave him unsatisfied, bringing Barry to five orgasms by the end of the night, he’d taken him from behind the whole time though. Fucking into him roughly and gripping his hips in a bruising manner. Pounding into him with every ounce of fury in his body, it had felt so good, Oliver was big, he filled him up and made him feel whole. The two cried out each other’s names numerous times, Oliver even goings as far to praise him, telling him how hot he was, how sexy he was, and how tight he was… and how good he was making him feel, but he never once turned him around to look him in the eyes, didn’t kiss him, not during or after. When he’d finished he’d rolled over and fallen asleep, and Barry had let him, knowing he’d been through a lot and not wanting to push. In the morning he’d woken up to a cold mattress and a note, with one word on it. 

“Thanks.”  
-O

Barry tried to detach himself from the situation, he tried to remind himself that he’d been the one to start it, knowing exactly where it would lead to in the end. He tried to push the hurt down, but to no avail, the more he thought about it, the harder holding the tears back became, and finally he let them fall. Silently he cried, his feet planted on the floor, leaned over, sitting on the side of the bed, note falling to the floor as he reached to roughly wipe the first tears away, before realizing it was no use and giving in, curling in on himself and shivering, his body shaking with the sobs, the cold of the winter seeping through the large window. He didn’t have the energy to do anything about it though, he didn't even have the energy to sit up and pull the covers over himself, so he just lied there, until he cried himself to sleep.  
-

Joe walked in, having come home from his trip a day early, calling out to Barry but not getting a response. He put his bag down and walked into the living room, Barry’s phones and jacket were on the table, he was obviously home. He never left anywhere without the phone that Cisco had programmed for him for Flash business. He figured he was in his room, so he made his way up the stairs, suddenly realizing that he might have company and freezing in place. He listened for any sign of movement but didn’t hear anything, deciding to chance it, and continuing his way up the stairs. He knocked softly on Barry’s bedroom door, frowning when he still didn’t get an answer, he tried the handle, surprised to find it unlocked, still no movement being heard on the other side, his heart pounded, was Barry okay? He swung the door open and his eyes immediately scanned the room, his eyes coming to land on a figure curled up on the bed, he walked forward, gently placing a hand on Barry, not wanting to wake him if he was simply sleeping, but wanting to make sure he was ok. Barry startled awake when Joe gently tried to turn him over so he could see if he was okay, his expression momentarily wild, Joe looked at him, shocked at his sudden reaction, he’d gasped loudly and flailed when Joe had touched him, Barry had never been that light of a sleeper, unless something was really bothering him. Joe assessed his foster son thoroughly, Barry’s messy hair, bruises all over his body, small ones all be it… he was pretty sure he knew where they’d come from too… until his eyes raked over his torso, an down to his hips and legs, his eyes widening at the shape of fading handprints… on his hips, and thighs, and ankles…that hadn’t quite faded. He honestly didn’t know what to think. Had something happened to Barry, he honestly didn’t even know how to voice the question on his mind. He looked up at Barry’s face again now noticing the red rims around his eyes, god. He really hoped what he was thinking right now wasn’t true. 

“Barry…” He said, swallowing thickly. 

“Did something… did something happen to you? Did someone… hurt you?” Joe asked. Trying to keep his voice strong. Barry’s mind worked to catch up with what Joe was asking, wasn’t it obvious? He was a mess something had happened, but… oh. Oh… Joe thought something like that had happened. And he was blushing. 

“No… god no… not that… not what you’re thinking… it was all… consensual.” Barry said. Choking out the last word. It had been consensual, but that didn’t change the fact that he felt sick to his stomach now, dirty and violated, and like the worst friend in the entire world. Joe breathed a sigh of relief, his worst fear being put to rest, but still… Barry didn’t look okay. Which bated he question as to if he was lying. He didn’t think Barry would lie about something like that… but it was obvious he was not okay. He opened his mouth to speak but Barry beat him to it. 

“I-I’m going to go shower… Glad you got home safe.” He said, trying to smile. Joe didn’t buy it for a second. This conversation was far from over. He wanted to push, worried that if Barry was lying, that the evidence would be washed away, but not wanting to push too far… he was conflicted.

“Barry… are you sure it was…. Consensual?” He asked, before he lost his nerve to, he just needed to be sure. 

“Yes… I swear it was. It was also a mistake.” He said, looking down at the floor before turning on his heel and not saying anymore. Honestly, that did nothing to assuage Joe’s fears.


	2. Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's danger in frustration...

_~Well it's too damn bad you didn't have a chance to make me your best friend  
You were too caught up in giving too much up and not doing what you should have been~_

_“Desperation” -Miranda Lambert_

Barry showered for a good hour. He let the hot water wash over him, tears intermixing with the spray as he stood there and leaned against the shower wall until the water turned cold. As the cool droplets hit his skin he shivered and realized he should probably clean himself, so with super-speed, he cleaned himself off and got out, drying off and speeding himself into his clothes before turning off the fan and walking out.

He made his way down stairs and went into the kitchen, he heard Joe in his office talking loudly to someone on the phone, but he didn’t really pay attention to the conversation. His mind was numb, his

His body worked on autopilot as he made coffee for himself and then walked back out of the kitchen, planning on heading to the living room to flop on the couch and not move for the rest of the day. But when he looked up, to the same scene he’d seen a hundred times before, he’s taken back to the previous night.

He’d been pinned on the couch by Oliver, they’d made out lazily for a good half hour, before Oliver had gotten more insistent, his tongue licking into Barry’s mouth, before their lips parted and he’d moaned how badly he needed to be inside him, his teeth and lips and tongue doing the most sinful things as he ripped his shirt open and began sucking hickeys into his skin, Barry shuddered at the memory.

Turning away from the living room and going instead to sit on the stairs. He heard Joe’s office door creek its way open a few minutes later, he’d been sitting there, with the mug in a death grip as he stared straight ahead at the door. He knew he looked like hell, despite having taken a shower. But he couldn’t care less. Joe did a double take when he looked at him, his eyes widening. Barry looked down into his coffee and tried to not meet his eyes, he didn’t want Joe worrying about him. He stood up, almost dropping his coffee, his hands had started to shake, he didn’t even know why they were shaking, but he immediately gripped the cup tighter in efforts to stop them.

“I’m just going to go back upstairs.” Barry said, with a motion of his head to indicate his intentions farther, he turned about to go, but Joe stopped him,

“Barry.” He said sternly, and Barry stopped.

His hands begin to shake again, despite the tight grip he has on the mug, he gulped and turned back to Joe, not saying a word, Joe sighed,

“Come here kid,” He sits down on the stairs a few stairs below where Barry is standing and pats the spot beside him, Barry really doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to talk about this with Joe, and he knows Joe probably doesn’t want to talk about it either, but he also knows that Joe is insistent, and he’s also worried, despite how much he wanted him not to be, and a worried Joe didn’t give in easily. So he slowly made his way down the few steps to sit beside him. He puts his coffee down on the opposite side of himself, closest to the wall and then wrapped his arms around himself to hug himself. Joe is looking at him, he knows it, but he can’t meet his eyes, his mind flashes back to the night before once again, he can feel Oliver’s hands on him, and it _hurts._ All of him hurts. He still feels dirty, despite having showered. He just wants it all to stop, his mind feels like it’s running faster than he can physically, and all the thoughts and voices berating him were giving him a head ache, he felt his throat going tight and the tears prickle at the corners of his eyes again, he tried to hold them back but couldn’t help the involuntary sniffle that escaped.

“Bar,” Joe says in a quiet voice, he feels him shift beside him, and then is surprised when he feels him wrap a tentative arm around him as well, Joe pulls him closer, and while reluctant at first, he can’t help but curl into his warmth like he’d done so many times when he was younger. Barry turned

Into his chest and let the tears fall, only a few at first, but it didn’t take long for him to start full on sobbing, however, at the moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care. His body shook as Joe rubbed his back, not saying anything, but providing comfort.

He cried until he felt like he had nothing left, his body eventually stopped trembling and he pulled away, he was still not able to meet Joe’s eyes, he noticed the wet spot that had formed on Joe’s shirt and immediately berated himself, god, what the hell was wrong with him?

“God, I’m so sorry… shit. I just messed up your shirt, and you’ve gotta go into work… What the hell am I doing? I’m _26 years old_ and I’m sitting here sobbing like a teenage girl after her first breakup” Barry began rambling and Joe placed a hand on his shoulder,

“Barry, Barry… Barry… Calm down, breathe.” Barry had begun shaking again, but as he slowly breathed he calmed down again, letting out a choked sob of annoyance at himself. He stood up and tried to go to his room, accidentally kicking his coffee mug and spilling it down the stairs when he stood up, this time he cursed loudly,

“Fuck!”                                                                                                                           

“Barry, stop, just sit down, it’s okay, I’ll be right back.” Barry shook as he sat down, why was he so worked up about all of this, he had no right to be, and it was all his fault anyway. He knew what would happen, yet he hadn’t stopped himself or Oliver. He was clenching his fists, feeling like a panic attack was coming on, but thankfully with the coping techniques he’d learned so long ago, he managed to ward it off, when he opened his eyes again, Joe had cleaned up the spilled coffee and was sitting a stair below him and rubbing the back of one of his hands soothingly, like he’d done when he would have panic attacks after being bullied so long ago. Joe was too good to him, he didn’t deserve the comfort this time, this was all of his own doing, and the worry in Joe’s eyes was only working him up again.

“I don’t want to talk about this.” He said,

“You need to talk about it with someone,” Joe told him,

“Haha, yeah I’m _not_ going to talk to you about my sex life,”

“Will you talk to Iris?” Joe asked,

“Maybe.” Barry said quietly,

“Then I’m going to call her, you head back upstairs and try to not work yourself up into another fit until she gets here okay?”

“No promises.” Barry said, Joe gently ruffled his hair before Barry stood and retreated back upstairs.

\---

Oliver sat on the side of the shitty motel bed, he hated himself. He _hated_ himself for what he’d allowed himself to do to Barry. He recognized the look in the other man’s eyes the previous night, Barry _cared_ and when he’d seen Oliver in pain, he’d looked so helpless and desperate, it looked like he was feeling every ounce of his pain as well and would’ve done anything to make him feel okay again. And when he’d kissed him, Barry had kissed back in a way that was far more passionate than a regular one night stand, bros helping bros, situation would’ve called for. Barry had feelings for him, but he’d managed to hold them back and remain a good friend to him this whole time, and Oliver, although he wouldn’t admit it, knew how hard that was, and it took incredible amounts of willpower and true care for the other person to be able to keep it up. Barry was probably the best friend he’d ever get. And he’d thrown it all away by the command of his own pain.  He felt sick, he’d used Barry, and then he’d left him before he’d even woken up with the most heartless note one could ever leave a one night stand with.   He was selfish, and it was causing him to lose every good thing in his life, first William, then Felicity and now Barry. What next?

\---

“Barry.” A quiet voice said, then came a knock on the door, Barry turned lazily,

“Come in,” He said weakly, Iris opened the door and slipped inside, closing the door quietly behind her and making her way across the room towards the bed,

“Barry, what’s going on? Dad called me and he said you were kind of a mess,”

“I fucked up… like I _really_ fucked up.” Barry said, his voice slightly muffled by the pillow, but Iris could still understand, she put her purse down and took a seat on the bed, Barry breathed deeply as he felt the bed dip, knowing he’d have to face her soon and not wanting to. Iris placed a hand on his shoulder and he curled farther in on himself,

“I… I… I really… really fucked up.” He said,

“What happened? Dad wouldn’t elaborate on the phone.”

“I…I slept with someone.” Iris’ eyebrows rose to her hairline, she was _not_ expecting that.

“And that has to do with you being worked up because???”

“I love them.” He said, Iris was even more confused now, she could’ve sworn Barry was still harboring unresolved feelings for her, but now he was in love with someone else? What was going on?

“What do you mean?”

“I slept with someone who I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t love them, much less have slept with them and now I don’t know what to do with myself. They just… they…”

“Barry, I need you to start over, I’m ten kinds of confused right now, can you stop being vague and tell me who it was you slept with?”

“No.” Barry said, Iris rolled her eyes,

“Well then can you at least give me a hint? Do I know them?”

“Yes,”

“So I’ve met them?”

“Yes.”

“Are they male or female?”

“Male.” Barry said,

“So it’s either Cisco, Jay, Oliver, Harry, or Wally, it’s not Jay because he’s MIA, and it’s not Wally cause he’s in Keystone, it’s not Cisco because he and Lisa were in jitters until it closed, and he and Caitlin have been at the labs nonstop still trying to see if there’s something they can do about Jay, So that means it was either Harry or Oliver, and you can’t possibly love Harry, so it has to be Oliver, am I right?” She asked,

Barry didn’t even know what to say to that, so he just nodded into the pillow and let out a small sob. He heard Iris sigh, and begin to rub his back,

“Oh Bare… but I thought he was engaged to Felicity? How did this even happen?” Iris asked, Barry turned so that he was fully facing Iris now, she didn’t comment on his appearance when she saw his face, but he could tell she was slightly taken aback at the ghastly and sickly features.

“They were engaged… but then… But then Felicity found out Oliver had a kid… it’s a long story but neither the kid or Felicity are in Oliver’s life anymore and I don’t know why he came to me but he did, he just showed up at the door Friday night, and he needed someone to talk to so I let him in, and he just… he was so upset… I didn’t know what to do and then I kissed him and I was going to stop… but he was kissing me back, and fuck…I _knew_ that things were going to go to hell if I continued, but I didn’t… I didn’t stop him and then the next thing I knew we were up here and he was… he just… he was rough… but I didn’t stop him. And when we were done… he just left. And… and I ruined everything, and what about Felicity? Are they not together at all? Did them cutting off their engagement mean they’d broken up? Or did he cheat on her with me? I just… I don’t know what to do… and on top of all of it… god, I love him and I let my feelings get in the way of the good friendship we did have, and now I don’t know what to do with myself, I didn’t have much of him to begin with, but what I did have… I never wanted to loose… I don’t want to lose him but I think I already have.”  

“When did you start liking him?” She asked tentatively, not really knowing how to respond to the rambling that he’d just done, but figuring this was a good place to start if she wanted to understand fully what he was going through.

“I mean, he’s always been cute. Even when he was a dick and a playboy…” Barry said, Iris couldn’t help but smile at that, “but when I first met him, when I was in starling, even though he didn’t like me all that much, I couldn’t help but keep getting flustered when he was around me, but the first time I think I really started falling for him was when we met on the roof, right after I discovered my powers, just, everything he said to me, he really meant it, and I think I took it to mean more than it did, I was already falling for him, and when he told me that I could inspire people, be a guardian angel, it just fueled that fire that had already been burning, and…. It only got worse when we started working together, the first time he came to central, he told me at the end of everything, that I could always talk to him, and I didn’t know for a while if he was serious, but when things started blowing up and Reverse Flash showed up, I was having a hard time wrapping my head around everything and without thinking I texted him and told him that I didn’t know what was going on anymore, and he called me a few minutes later, and we talked for two more hours. I felt bad keeping him up, but in the end he sounded more relaxed too, we didn’t just talk about me, but we also talked about what was going on with him, and he admitted, all be it, over text, that if I ever wanted to talk again, to just call, because it had helped him too. And well it became a regular thing, don’t be mad that I didn’t come to you, I mean to be fair, you didn’t even know yet, and I just needed someone to vent to, and every time we talked, I don’t know… I just couldn’t help myself… and by the time I realized I was falling for him, I was in too deep, and then Felicity was calling me and telling me that he’d died, and then he was alive again and then that they were together, and it was… it was too late.” Barry said in a rush, Iris had been listening attentively the whole time, trying to piece things together in her head, Barry’s ramblings were usually hard to follow, but over the years she’d gotten better at it. She continued to rub his back,

“Dad mentioned you had some… bruises… did he… did he hurt you?” She asked, holding her breath, “And I want an honest answer,”

“No… well  yes, but not in any way I didn’t want him to. I never asked him to stop… even when he got rough… I just let him do what he wanted, it was what he seemed to need.  I feel sick.” He whimpered, “I just let him use me… even though I knew things would turn out like this, hell, I used him too… I knew he wasn’t in a good frame of mind but I didn’t stop him… I should’ve stopped him. God, it shouldn’t hurt this much… it didn’t mean anything, I knew that from the beginning,” Barry had pulled his pillow close to his chest again and was curling himself around it, more tears forming in his eyes, Iris scooted over and wrapped her arms around him,

“I’m so sorry Barry… I’m so sorry this happened to you… I’m so sorry you got into this mess, but you can’t put all the blame on yourself, it really isn’t your fault, nobody can fault you for your feelings. Besides he should’ve known better than to kiss you back, even if he was hurting, you guys were friends, and that’s all you’d ever been. The moment you kissed him he should’ve known something wasn’t right, he shouldn’t have kissed back without the two of you talking first. He shouldn’t have used you like that, and him just leaving you, after he was so rough with you, hell, he gave you bruises and from the way dad reacted, they weren’t just minimal, but serious, even if you do heal fast, he shouldn’t have ever hurt you like that, no matter how angry he was with his own situation… you can’t blame yourself for all of this though, you were both at fault, and from what it sounds like Oliver did more harm than you, so you really shouldn’t be blaming yourself, all you did was try to offer comfort in the only way your brain knew how at the moment, Oliver could’ve taken that comfort and relished in it, but instead he misused it. He violated it.”

“And the worst part is… I still want him. Even after he’s done this… I still want him.” Barry choked out the words, Iris only pulled him in closer at this admission, and her heart was breaking for Barry right now. She could only hope that somehow this would sort itself out, she hadn’t the slightest clue how to help Barry, this was a really fucked up situation all around.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the beginning of the story is going to be kind of slow and repetitive, but by chapter six, things are really going to pick up, so please stick with me! I don't know when I'll get the next chapter up, it could be another two weeks, but hopefully it'll be less, anyway, reviews are love!


	3. Minutes Turn To Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world spins on even when you feel like you're coming apart at the seams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really hesitant to post this, this chapter is kind of a hot mess, so I apologize profusely in advance... *winces* I know nothing about machine guns, or how to remove bullets from people. I'm very sorry if everything I say is inaccurate.

_~And the minutes turn to hours_   
_And they're flying like a jet plane_   
_And we'll make it right tomorrow_   
_But tomorrow's not a sure thing~_

"Clock Don't Stop" -Carrie Underwood

“So, how is he?” Joe asked, when he saw Iris at the top of the stairs,

“Sleeping,”

“You know what I meant,”

“I know what you meant, but it’s not my business to tell, he’ll be okay though. Soon, he just made a mistake and is still reeling from it, I think he’ll realize soon that it isn’t the end of the world. He just needs time.” Joe sighed, that was not what he wanted to hear, but if Barry wasn’t talking, and Iris didn’t think it was important enough to share, which meant it probably wasn’t all that serious, even if he seemed pretty wrecked about it now, then he’d just have to trust the both of them.

\--

Barry had been thankful when he hadn’t been called in for Flash business the night after the whole debacle with Oliver, but he knew that he’d have to return to the world of the living the next day, he couldn’t just stay under his covers and cry forever, as much as he wanted to.

He headed back to his day job the following day, Singh not taking any mercy on his sickly appearance and shoving a stack of manila envelopes with a shout of “results better be on my desk before lunch, Allen,” before turning on his heal and heading back into his office. As Barry made his way upstairs to his lab, he was almost knocked over by two other officers coming down, he teetered, and thought he was going to fall backwards, but Joe was right behind him, catching him and righting him. He breathed a sigh of relief and thanked him, Joe sighed and asked him yet again, if he was sure he was okay to be working and Barry assured him that he was. He wasn’t going to let this consume him.

Just his luck, his equipment was malfunctioning, causing him to only get through three fourths of the stack of envelopes before lunch, he came to Captain Singh’s office and knocked on the door with a sweaty fist,

“Come in,” the Captain said, Barry stepped in and handed him the stack he’d gotten through,

“This isn’t all of them,” he said disapprovingly,

“I’m sorry sir, but some of the equipment was malfunctioning and I had to go down to the lab on 4th to get some that worked, and then lug it back here, and it was just a mess, I’m sorry, I’ll have it done before I leave.”

Singh sighed, and massaged his temples.

“You’re lucky you’re good at what you do Allen, they better be on my desk before I leave, and file a report with the front desk if you haven’t, we’ll need to order new equipment, we can’t just keep the stuff you barrowed,”

“Already did,” Barry said, cracking a small smile,

“Alright, now go on, get back to work.” Barry relaxed as he headed back up to his lab, that hadn’t gone as bad as he’d feared it would.

\--

“Barry, you need to get to STAR Labs this instance, new meta spotting, and this one doesn’t seem to a have a conscience.”

Barry sighed, he’d literally just gotten off of work, and he was hungry and tired. Thankfully, he’d been so busy that day that he hadn’t had time to think much about Oliver. But he was still in no mood to go fight at the moment.

“I’ll be right over,” He told Cisco, and sure enough no more than a minute later he was in the main cortex of the labs, suited up and standing behind Caitlin and Cisco waiting for instructions,

“Meta spotted at Cross and 3rd, emerged from and alley way, facial recognition shows that their name was Jack Kelly, 35 he built military artillery before the blast, he was admitted to the army base’s hospital when the accelerator exploded, nobody had heard anything from him until now.”

“Do we think Eiling had anything to do with this?”

“Probably so, but since he’s not here currently, that’s not important, we just need to catch him and bring him in,”

“I’m calling him Machine Gun Jake, he’s got machine guns for his arms, and from my research the type that his arms have turned into, have a type of safety that can be enacted if you can get close enough to him to turn it off, but he seems to have 360 vision and seems to shoot anyone that gets within five feet. And you can’t just charge him because unlike other guns, this machine gun will take you out, you can phase through single bullets, but you can’t phase through multiple rounds being shot at you.” Cisco warned him,

“Well, I might just have to try,”

“Be careful!” Cisco shouted as a gust of wind went through the room and Barry was gone.

\--

He came to the street corner, looking left and right, not seeing any signs of danger, only destruction, sirens wailed in the distance, bodies lied across the pavement blood seeping through their clothes, he’d been too late. It was almost too much,

“He’s already moved up a few blocks, go!” Cisco said through his coms, he shook himself out of his shock and sped up a few blocks. He stopped and looked around, the place was so familiar, and then he remembered, this was the place that he and Oliver had fought after he’d been whammied by Bivilo, Oliver…  Oliver… Oliver… no. He shook his head, he couldn’t afford to think about him right now, he whipped around, ready to take on danger, but it was too late, as he turned, he was knocked down, his body hitting the pavement hard, he groaned, turning himself over and blinking trying to clear his vision,

“Flash!” A voice called out, his vision focused on the man in front of him with machine guns for arms,

“Good to see you’ve joined the battle,”

 “Why are you doing this?”

“My commander has told me that humanity must be stopped, humanity itself will end the human race,” Barry was confused,

“Everyone is an enemy, nobody is on your side, and you must fend for yourself in a world of war.” He shot across the way at a car, glass shattered and screams were heard, the meta took aim at him, firing off a few rounds, Barry speed rolled out of the way and got to his feet, managing to avoid the onslaught of bullets.

“I’ve seen you catch bullets, but are you fast enough to catch this many?” The meta taunted, and fired off a long stream of rounds across the street straight at a line of businesses where civilians were huddled inside at. Barry moved quickly, picking up a concrete block that had been lying in the middle of a small construction zone and using it as a shield to cause the bullets to ricochet backwards and onto the street. He thought he'd succeeded, when a lagging one came straight at his shoulder, he twisted, the world moving in slow motion as he attempted to avoid it, but to no avail it hit him, lodging itself in his shoulder, he let out a cry of pain and in turn lost his focus, the rest of the stream of bullets hit the glass of the buildings, shattering the large windows and striking some of the people inside.

As he fell, the world sped up again, within milliseconds he heard the shattering of glass and the horrid screams of civilians. He rolled, once, twice, and then a third time, his head hitting the pavement with a smack. He slowly sat up and shook himself off, his shoulder throbbed and his head was on fire, 

"Barry? Barry? Are you still with us?" He heard Cisco through his coma. He groggily answered with a "yes" Cisco breathed a sigh of relief, 

"You were hit, military is on its way. They can handle the take down, right now you need to get yourself back to STAR labs so that we can get the bullet out of you before you heal." Cisco told him,

"But... The people..." Barry stretched, his neck turning as he looked behind himself at the line of businesses with shattered doors and windows. 

"They'll be fine, there's a Calvary of ambulances no more than 20 seconds away, now get back here before General Eiling catches sight of you,"

Barry stood to his feet, he didn't want to just leave, but Cisco was right, he needed to get back or else he risked being captured or permanently injured. With one last glance around him he squeezed his eyes shut to clear his mind and then took off. He knew this would look bad, The Flash, running from a scene of disaster, but he needed to take care of himself right now, or else there would be no more Flash ever. 

 

He came to a stop in STAR labs, clutching his shoulder and breathing heavily Caitlin's eyes widened and she immediately stood from her seat and ran to help him over to the exam table,

 

"The bullets in pretty deep, this is going to hurt, Cisco, hold him down, Harry, you too." She instructed, Barry was pushed back, his head still swimming with too many thoughts, he let out a scream of pain as Caitlin dug her way into the wound, 

 

"Barry, you need to stay still, I know it hurts, but you've he worse, you need to stay still now though, we can't put you under because we don't have anything strong enough at the moment, and if we wait you'll already be healed, I'm sorry but this is how it's going to be. Just try to breathe." She told him. 

 

Cisco has his right side held down and Harry was trying to wrangle down his left while Caitlin dug into the wound, the bullet was in sight, all she had to do was grab it and pull it out, but Barry was still twitching wildly, making it extremely hard for her to keep a steady hand. Jesse then walked in, and seeing the sight before her decided to help as well, she came forward and held Barry's legs still, Caitlin thanked her, it seemed to help drastically in stopping his movements. She dug a bit farther with the tweezers, her gloved fingers slicked with blood, Harry was looking a little green and she knew she had to finish this quickly, with a twist of her wrist and another scream from Barry she reached the bullet, her teasers grasping it and allowing her to pull it out. It wasn't small, but it had lodged itself in pretty far, she was glad that it hadn't embedded itself in his bone. She put the tweezers and the bullet down on the plastic tray on the metal table beside her before picking up an already threaded needle and cooing softly to Barry that the worst of it was done. Barry's body quivered and he let out muffled sobs as she sewed the skin back up, but he wasn't moving nearly as violent as he had been before. She knotted off the last stitch and cut the thread, telling Barry that they were done. To which he seemed to react instantly to, his muscles relaxing as he collapsed onto the exam table. His body shivered involuntarily as he came down from the trauma and he breathed heavily as he opened his eyes. Sweat was beading down his face, he was still shaking slightly, but he was alert and he'd come to terms with his surroundings, 

 

"Barry? Barry? Barry, can you hear me?" Caitlin asked him, Barry's eyes, still slightly glazed looking found hers and he nodded. She nodded back and took his hand, 

 

"Just breathe, then we can talk about what happened, you're alright. Just keep breathing." She told him. 

 

Barry slowly got his breathing back under control, 

 

"Okay, Barry, it's okay," Barry nodded and then focused on his team in front of him, Jesse had turned on the TV to assess the damage still going on, 

 

"I need to help them!" Barry said, his eyes snapping to the reporter on the TV, who was currently cowering somewhere along with other people, trying to stay out of the distraction, 

 

"The city is asking where did The Flash go? Reports from civilians say that he was here, fighting this new meta we see, but then disappeared as fast as he came, leaving everyone to fend for themselves. The military is on sight but they've still not managed to wrangle the situation. So Flash, if you're seeing this, please, come back, we need your help to stop this."

 

"I have to go back..."

 

"You can't! You're not healed, besides Elling is probably there, and we know how he wants to get his hands on you, he'll stop at nothing..." 

 

"I can't just leave them there, I have to try. You got the bullet out, the rest will heal within the next few hours," 

 

"Yeah if you don't aggravate it!" Caitlin piped in, 

 

"I'm sorry, but I'm going..."

 

 

_~The clock don't stop, ticking away, away, always hanging on the wall, no it don't care at all, it won't slow down, it won't wait,~_

_"Clock Don't Stop" -Carrie Underwood_

 

Barry's heart beat faster and faster, he could feel his shoulder still throbbing with pain as he ran, but he pushed past it, the people of central needed him, he got back to the spot where he'd been and saw that the fight was still going on, he sped past military tanks, and caught the meta off guard, running in circles around it, before scaling a building and then jumping, landing on the meta and pushing it face first into the ground, he made quick work of flipping on the safety on both of its arms. The shots stopped almost immediately and he let off the meta. He didn't see Eiling. But he wasn't going to stay around and give him a chance to find catch him. So after being sure that the meta was out of commission he flagged over the police and then sped back off towards STAR labs. 

 

He wanted to stick around and help, wanted to see if there was anything he could assist with, many of the wounded had been still lying in the streets or on the sidewalk, but there was no way he could help them all as it was, so he made his way back to the labs and prayed that they'd all get the attention they needed. Trying to put it to the back of his mind for now. 

 

Unfortunately, his slight failure wasn't lost on anyone. And when he sped back into the cortex of STAR labs he was met with the disapproving faces of his team of four when he came to a stop. 

 

He clutched his shoulder breathing heavily, wincing at the pain that still radiated through it, Caitlin just shook her head and urged him back over to the exam table. Harry and Cisco and Jesse following. 

 

"How did the bullet even hit you anyway?" Harry questioned, 

 

"I don't know, one must've been lagging or something because I was knocking a stream of fairly consecutive ones away and then that one hit my shoulder and it was too late for me to phase through it,"

 

"But how did you not notice it?" Harry questioned, God, why was he still so interested in the flash! Barry didn't even know why he was still here, they'd helped him save Jesse yet the two had still stuck around after the fact, he would've thought they would've wanted to get as far away from central as possible after all the things they'd gone through,

 

"Yeah Barry, how did you not notice it, your reflexes are a lot sharper than that usually," Cisco piped in, "Are you feeling okay?"

 

"I'm feeling fine, I guess that Harry taking some of my speed also affected my reflexes," he bit out, not wanting to confess that he'd been distracted because of  _Oliver_. The room went silent and everyone's expressions turned stony, they'd gotten passed this a long time ago, all coming to the understanding that if it had been someone they'd loved too, they would've done the same thing. And Harry had long since apologized numerous times and it had become an unspoken agreement to not speak of it since.

 

“Why are you all looking at me like that?” He snapped, “I don’t know why you’re all protecting him, if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have fucked up today, he’s the guy who ruined everything not me, I have a duty to this city to help whenever I am capable and a flesh wound is not going to stop me so stop worrying so much.” Barry knew he was overreacting but he wanted to take the focus off the fact that he had been distracted. And Harry proved to be a good outlet right now, besides he had a lot of pent up anger towards the man already and once he’d said one thing, it was like the floodgates had opened,

“Barry, we’ve talked about this, him taking your speed wasn’t something he did for his own gains, he was doing it to save his daughter, any of us would’ve done the same thing if it had been someone we loved that much. He’s not like this earth’s Harrison Wells and you have to stop acting like he is.”

“He’s just as bad as this earth’s... he doesn’t even seem to have any remorse for what happened today. I don’t think you guys understand the magnitude of what he did, even if he did it because he thought it would save his daughter, one life isn’t worth the hundreds that it’s going to cost from now on, I’m not fast enough to save people anymore and it’s all his fault.” Barry spat, lightning curling around his fingers as he pointed furiously.

“Barry just calm down,”

“Don’t tell me to calm down, this is all his fault, I want him gone, I don’t want him here, I don’t want either of them here, get them out now or I’ll get them out myself and I can’t guarantee that they’ll be in one piece.”  Barry shouted, he was now pacing angrily, he didn’t know where all this rage was suddenly coming from, he was barely even hearing the words that came out of his own mouth, just spitting whatever came to mind, he was just so _angry._ At everything. People had gotten hurt tonight, hell, he himself had gotten hurt, so he knew that many others had probably too, and he didn’t know what he was going to do with himself when he heard the casualty count, if it was anything more than one, it was a failure in his book. He’d been having a shitty day already and adding this onto it was doing nothing to help. His feelings for Oliver had been turning in his head all day, his sadness and anger over the previous night was still heavy on his shoulders and this failure, it was the match that lit the spark that was now causing him to explode. He continued pacing and muttering to himself, stopping momentarily when he noticed that nobody in front of him was moving,

“Did you hear what I just said, I said get the fuck out!” He shouted,

“No Barry, you get out.” Cisco said, his eyes narrowed, “I don’t know what the fuck has gotten into you, you’ve never acted like this before, except when Bivilo got to you, but you haven’t been whammied, we would’ve known if you were, so I don’t know where this is coming from, but it’s not okay, you can’t come in here and threaten people who have for the last month, stuck around and tried to help us find solutions to your problem, if Harry was like this earth’s Harrison Wells, he would’ve been long gone by now, not giving any fucks about any of the destruction he left behind him, but no, Harry and Jesse have both been here, trying to help you get your speed back and figure out if there’s a way to find out if Jay is still alive.” Cisco stepped close into his space, not intimidated at all by the speedster who had lightning flickering off him, he didn’t know where this courage was coming from, but Barry’s actions were not okay. Barry snarled at him and his eyes flashed with rage, he balled his fists together and Cisco was beginning to think he’d made a mistake, he closed his eyes, ready for a blow, but it never came, instead a gust of wind and the sound of papers flying met his hears, he blinked one eye open and saw that Barry was no longer in front of him, he turned towards the others who stood there themselves, looking shocked,

“Where did he?” Caitlin just pointed towards the exit and Cisco deflated visibly. God, something was really wrong with Barry, and they needed to find out what it was, and quick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was painful to write. I'm sorry. I swear the story gets better. Barry's actions probably seem a bit extreme and irrational, but things will all come together soon. Also, I had this chapter written on my iPad, it was a lot more detailed and really well thought out but then it got deleted somehow and I had to re-write it and I just wasn't as focused the second time around, so I'm really sorry if it sucked. I'll do better next time.


	4. Nothing to Hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry heads home after the fight with the meta, only to get a call from someone unexpected, regarding, yup, you guessed it, Oliver.

_~Baby, you're just like smoke, blowing on the wind_  
One minute, you're by my side and then you're gone again  
You might be bad for me, but I just wanna breathe you in  
Every time I reach out, I find there ain't nothing to hold  
Boy, you're just like smoke~

_“Smoke” -Maddie & Tae _

 

Barry got back to Joe's house, out of breath and still in pain from here his shoulder had been hit. He cursed under his breath before beginning to strip out of his suit, normally he'd leave it at the labs, but he'd been in such a rush today that he hadn't remembered to change. He shrugged and went to his dresser, pulling out a pair of boxers and then grabbing his robe off the back of his door and shrugging it on. He went to get a shower, not taking any more time than needed to get himself clean, he was drained and all he wanted to do was fall into bed. He slipped out of the bathroom and waved to Joe as he passed him in the hall, he was glad for once that his foster father had seemed to take note of his tired state and not stopped him to talk, he really just wanted to get to bed. Finally, when he was back in his room with the door closed and the lights off, he crawled under the covers. Sighing in relief as the cool sheets wrapped him up. He was almost asleep when his phone went off beside him. He decided to just ignore it, but then it buzzed again, he groaned and debated checking it, in the end he remained in his position, not moving. And then it began to ring with a call. He let out a frustrated growl and reached out to pick it up, not even taking time to look at the contact name.

  
  


"Who the hell is this?" He answered angrily. 

  
  


"Barry?" Barry blinked, it took him a minute to place the voice, it was Diggle. John Diggle. What the hell was he doing calling him? Especially at this hour. 

  
  


"Shit, I'm sorry, I'm really tired, today has been less than great, but what's going on Dig?" He asked, 

  
  


"I'm sorry to bother you, I know it's late but I just got a call from Oliver," Barry tensed up at the name, his jaw clenching, 

  
  


"He sounded pretty far gone, is obviously drunk off his ass and sounded like he was in pain, I could barely get out of him where he was, but he told me he was in Central, he was obviously not coherent enough to realize that I obviously couldn't get him from there, but he said he was in the alleyway behind the the a place called Saints and Sinners, do you know where that is? And if so could you check on him and maybe get him back to where he's staying?" 

  
  


Barry sighed, this was the last thing he wanted to do, but he couldn't exactly say no. Not without question. 

  
  


"Yeah, I'll go check on him, don't worry about him Dig, I've got it,"

  
  


"Alright thanks Barry," 

  
  


Barry hung up the phone and slid out of bed, bitching and moaning to himself the whole time as he got dressed. He was out the door within five minutes heading downtown towards Rouge territory. Wondering to himself just how Oliver had managed to stumble upon it. He got to the corner Saints and Sinners was located at and skidded to a stop, thankful when nobody seemed to be outside at the time, it would not do any good for The Flash to be caught in rouge territory, he and Captain Cold had come to a mutual understanding and even had formed a weird sort of tentative friendship over time, but none of the other Rouges were aware of it. He paused, listening for any sound, and then he heard it, a low gruff voice and a whimper coming from the alleyway, he quickly jogged towards it, not entering the alleyway yet, trying to get an idea of what he was up against,

  
  


"Listen here pretty boy, next time you come around here hitting on  _my_  boyfriend, and turning his bar into a brawl, you'll be leaving with a lot more than a black eye and a few bruises. I will light you up and watch you burn you hear?" Barry suddenly figured out who it was, it was Mick, but his boyfriend was  _Leonard_? Well that was news to him, but whatever he thought. He needed to get out of there before either one of them made the situation worse. He casually walked around the corner and called out,

  
  


"Hey! Mick, let him go," Mick pulled away, letting go of where he had Oliver pinned up against the wall, not having anyone to

hold him up Oliver slumped down to the ground with a groan. 

  
  


"And who are you?" Mick's gruff voice questioned back, his eyes narrowing as he glared at Barry, he clenched his fists and walked towards Barry, 

  
  


Suddenly a door opened, "Mick! Get your ass back inside- Barry?" It was Len, 

  
  


"Hey Len, mind getting your boyfriend to back off of my friend, might have to speed punch him otherwise, and I think you can attest to how unpleasant that is," 

  
  


"This piece of shit is your friend? Wow red, I thought you of all people had standards."

  
  


"I have agreed to hang out with you on occasion," Barry shot back,

  
  


"Touché," Len answered.

  
  


"Mick, get inside, leave him alone, he's not worth it and he won't show his face around here again, trust me you made sure of it." 

 

"But Lenny..."  


"Mick, I'm not about to let you light him on fire so I don't know why you're even bothering to use that tone with me," Mick frowned. 

 

"Whatever," Mick said, he threw Oliver one more glare before stalking back into the building. 

 

"Get him out of here," Leonard said in his smooth drawl, 

 

"Sure thing Captain," Barry gave a cheeky salute and Leonard rolled his eyes, closing the door and leaving the two in the dim lighting of the alleyway. Barry stood in front of Oliver who was still slumped in the same position as earlier. Barry sighed and rolled his own eyes as he stepped forward and attempted to pull Oliver up, Oliver groaned and protested, mumbling "no dont wanna move...mmtired..."

 

"Well you don't wanna sleep here, besides you're hurt, we need to get your cuts cleaned up," Barry said,

 

"No..." Oliver said quietly curling in on himself. Barry rolled his eyes again and shuffled forward trying to get Oliver to uncurl. He eventually managed to get Oliver up and hoist him into a bridal carry, Oliver flailed slightly and mumbled protests, Barry huffed, Oliver wasn't exactly light, and him squirming wasn't making it any easier. 

 

"Barry?" Oliver asked, his head flopping to the side, Barry laughed,

 

"Yes Oliver, it's me, are you just noticing that now?"

 

"I missed you Barry..." Said Oliver and then he wrapped his arms around Barry's neck and buried his face in his shoulder, Barry shivered when Oliver's breath hit his neck, 

 

"You're pretty you know that?" Oliver said, Barry shuddered and gritted his teeth, 

 

"Thank you, now hold on tight." Barry warned, before speeding off. He mentally realized that he hasn't exactly thought about where he was going, he couldn't take Oliver to Joe's house without getting questioned and he didn't know where Oliver was staying and he doubted in his state that Oliver remembered either. He quickly decided that STAR Labs would work fine, as long as he got Oliver out before noon when Caitlin, Cisco, and Harry would show up. 

 

He sped into the cortex, walking Oliver over to one of the more comfortable cots and lying him down, Oliver groaned, rolling over and before Barry could figure out why, his shoes were covered in vomit. He scrunched his nose up in disgust, 

 

"Damn it Oliver..." Barry said, quickly speeding through cleaning himself up, within ten seconds he was back at Oliver's side, holding up a wastebasket for him to hurl into a second time. Barry rubbed his back as he heaved and threw up a third time. Oliver breathed heavily and let out a pitiful moan of pain and Barry patted his back, 

 

"Alright lay back," he instructed and Oliver did so without protest. Oliver curled up, turning on his side and getting into a more comfortable sleeping position, he yawned and Barry found it hard not to find it adorable. He turned back around and reached up into one of the cabinets, retrieving two blankets, he un-folded one with a flourish and let it settle over Oliver’s body Oliver snuggled into it, and Barry smiled once more before turning, the other blanket tucked under his arm, as he walked across the way to the lounge area which had a fairly comfortable futon that he could sleep on for the night. He covered himself with the blanket and curled into the futon, his mind too tired and his body too drained to think about the presence of Oliver much, and he quickly fell asleep for the few hours of the night that were left. 

 

Barry woke up the next morning by accidentally rolling off the futon and landing on the floor, he groaned and pushed himself up, blinking rapidly and taking in his unfamiliar surroundings, it took a moment, but the previous night slowly came back to him. Oliver. His mind supplied, and with that memory, he was up in a second, looking over to the bed where he’d left him, barely able to hold back his panic when he saw the bed empty. He zipped around the labs, looking everywhere for him, only stopping to catch his breath after checking everywhere he could think of. And that’s when he heard it, a loud curse and a thump, he sped towards the noise, and sure enough, there was Oliver, in the storage room. 

 

“Oliver?” Oliver looked up, “There you are, I was looking all over for you, how are you feeling?” Barry asked, 

 

“Like shit,” Oliver replied, Barry chuckled, 

 

“Well what are you doing in here?” 

 

“I was looking for painkillers, but you don’t seem to have any,”  Barry shook his head, this was a storage room, filled with dusty science equipment, did Oliver really think he’d find pain killers in here? He simply turned on his heel, hoping that Oliver would get the message to follow, he did thankfully. He headed back into the main area of the labs and went over to one of the drawers in Cisco’s desk, pulling out a bottle of aspirin and shaking out two tablets, he handed them over to Oliver who took them, he was about to turn to go get him some water from the sink when out of the corner of his eye he caught Oliver throwing his head back and swallowing the pills dry, well that worked too, he guessed. He watched as Oliver sagged back against the desk, alternating between massaging his temples and pinching the bridge of his nose, he sniffed, probably from being in the cold so long last night before looking up at Barry. 

 

“Listen, we need to talk,” he said, well Barry certainly hadn’t been expecting that, he looked up at the digital clock on the wall and grimaced, it was only 8:50, they had plenty of time before the others would arrive, but on the other hand, he’d only gotten four and a half hours of sleep the other night, he was going to have to take a nap or else he’d crash later on that day, most likely at a highly inconvenient time. He was thankful that he didn’t have to go into work, and sighed, debating his options, he was curious as to what Oliver had to say, but at the same time, now that Oliver wasn’t in dire need of help anymore and he wasn’t bone tired, his mind was capable of wandering to all the pain that he’d been feeling the past two days, and the last thing he wanted to do was aggravate it more by spending time in the presence of what caused that very pain. In the end his curiosity won out and he nodded, pushing off from the desk where he'd been leaning and heading into the lounge area, Oliver trailing behind. The two took a seat on opposite sides of the futon, Barry having thrown the blanket he'd been using the previous night precariously over the back to make room. The silence that reigned between them was deafening. 

  


"I'm sorry." Oliver finally spoke up first, Barry wasn't sure what to say to that, what was Oliver apologizing for exactly? He certainly had plenty of things to be apologizing for after all, "For the other night," Oliver clarified, running a hand through his barely existent head of hair. "Barry, you're my friend, and I never, ever, should've let myself take advantage of you the way I did. I know you kissed me first, but you were just trying to help. And I shouldn't have let it continue. Especially after you kissed me now that I think about it, I mean I didn't know you had a thing for me, but when I figured out I shouldn't have let things go farther." 

 

Barry furrowed his brow, how did Oliver know? 

 

"I'm pretty oblivious to things, but even I know that kiss you planted on me wasn't just a friendly kiss. People don't kiss like that when the goal is just sex."

 

"Well I wasn't just offering myself up for a pleasure fuck, I was trying to comfort you as well. Of course I wasn't going to be all impersonal. I wanted to make you feel like you mattered after the way Felicity treated you. Doesn't mean I like you..." Barry said. Trying to be nonchalant about it. He was pretty sure he was doing a horrible job though. 

 

"Barry," Oliver gave him a pointed look, "it's okay, it doesn't bother me that you have feelings for me, hell, I'm actually quite flattered. You are a pretty good catch after all, you know that?" Oliver grinned and Barry couldn't help but blush. "And if I hadn't already been falling in love Felicity when we met I probably would've asked you out. But I love Felicity, and the point of it all is, I don't have feelings for you, not any past friendship. And when I knew that you had feelings for me, I shouldn't have let things go farther. It was wrong. It takes a lot to see someone you like with someone else, trust me I know, and yet you've been such an amazing friend to both Felicity and I. And now considering all I've done, and what I've just told you, I can understand that you probably want nothing to do with me. I hate myself for what I did and I don't deserve your forgiveness so I'm not going to even ask for it. You're probably one of the best friends I'll ever have and I ruined it because I was selfish. Hell. I don't even know why you brought me here last night. You already probably hates me enough for the way I treated you and how I just left. But you did, you brought me here made sure I was okay and you gave me painkillers and are even agreeing to talk with me this morning. I don't deserve to have someone as good as you in my life after all I've done. I don't deserve you or Felicity. And like I said, I don't expect your forgiveness so I'm not going to ask, but I need you to know how sorry I am for what I did. I know I hurt you. And I'm so, so, sorry." 

 

Barry sat there.  Thinking hard about all Oliver had just said to him. He'd know the whole time, and he'd still used him the way he did. Oliver was right, it was hell to have to watch the person you were in love with be with someone else, and he said he'd known how that felt at one point. So he must've known all the hurt he was experiencing right now. He must've known what it would do to him, yet he'd still selfishly put him through all of this. The magnitude of this realization hit him full force at that moment. How could he do that to him? He'd always believed that Oliver was a good person... But this... This was downright cold. Even Leonard Snart wasn't capable of being this cold. It took him a few minutes to realize he was crying. But when he did he reached up and swiftly wiped the tears from his face turning to look at Oliver. 

 

"I can't even believe you right now... I honestly, I honestly thought that maybe I could have forgiven you for the way you treated me, but now knowing... Knowing that you knew how I'd feel later on, how you would be hurting me, and you still went through with it, I can't. I don't even want to look at you right now. I thought you were better than this... I truly thought you were better than this. But you're still a selfish prick." The last words were said with pure and utter sadness, Oliver couldn't detect a hint of malice in them, it made him ache even more. Despite how much he'd hurt Barry, and despite how upset Barry was, it was obvious that he still cared for him, and that was the last thing he deserved. Another bout of silence stretched between the two of them, Barry wasn't even crying audibly at the moment. But tears still continued to roll down his cheeks. 

 

"God. I wish I could hate you. I want to hate you so badly, it would make everything so much easier. And I don't know why I can't hate you. I guess I've just loved you for so long that it's hard to see past the image of you I'd been building back up in my head..." Barry said. He didn't know why he was telling Oliver this. Truthfully he wasn't even really paying attention to what was coming out of his own mouth, just saying what came to his mind because the silence was driving him crazy. Oliver's brain short circuited as soon as that word left Barry's mouth.  _Love._ Barry  _loved_  him. And fuck. This was worse than he'd thought it was. He thought that Barry probably just had a big crush on him, but actually _loving_  him? Was that even possible? God. He was such a dick. Actually the word dick didn't even cover it. He had fucked up royally, and he had no idea what he could possibly do to make it better. He needed to get out of there. The silence that had fallen again was almost suffocating. His heart began to race, he needed out. Right now. Stumbling to his feet he stuttered out another I'm sorry, this time it came out strained and barely audible. Barry heard the movement beside him and it took him a moment to realize that Oliver had stumbled to his feet and was now almost out the door. Barry opened his mouth to speak, but realized he had nothing to say and closed it again, and instead, watched Oliver walk out, his heart still as heavy as ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My best guess is that the next update will be in a week or two, I don't really have a solid idea on where I want to take this so it's going to take a bit longer. Anyway, thanks for reading! Comments make my day so please leave one if you have a second!


	5. The Lonely Stays The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Oliver talk, Barry attempts to get the last word and fails. Cisco also finds out.

_~”3:28 in the morning_

_Countin' up the spaces between the rain_

_You're gettin' used to the rocks at the bottom_

_Your heart goes numb, but the lonely stays the same_

_And that's the price you're bound to pay_

_And there's really nothing anyone can say”~_

_“Let It Hurt” –Rascal Flatts_

 

It hadn’t been more than a minute since Barry heard the elevator ding, signaling that Oliver was leaving, when he was overcome with a sudden bout of rage. He wasn’t going to do this again. He was tired of crying, tired of being the one left in tears, he was going to get the last say this time, and before he could think out what he was going to do any farther hew was up off the lounge couch and speeding down to the entrance of the labs, the elevator hadn’t reached the first floor yet, and so he waited around the corner for Oliver to come down. He heard the ding of the elevator and heard Oliver sigh audibly, he neared him, not having noticed that Barry was there yet, and Barry sprang into action, he pinned Oliver against the wall at super speed, arm at his chest, Oliver must have been really distracted because his instincts didn’t even kick in it seemed, simply just letting himself be pinned, stunned.

 

"You don't get to walk out this time and take yet another piece of me with you and feel nothing. I'm not letting it happen this time," Barry surged forward and grabbed Oliver by the back of his neck, hauling him in for a kiss. Smashing their mouths together roughly, Oliver gasped in surprise, opening his mouth and allowing Barry to slide his tongue inside and dominate. He licked into Oliver's mouth tasting him, sucking on his tongue and before letting go and letting them slide against each other. Oliver's hands came up instinctively and wrapped around Barry, pulling him close as and trailing up and down his sides teasingly before coming up to cup his face and beginning to kiss back. As soon as Barry felt Oliver moving against him he gasped and abruptly broke off the kiss. Shoving Oliver back against the wall hard, an incredulous, confused expression on his face,

 

"What the hell!?" Barry shouted, hitting Oliver in the chest as he exclaimed angrily. When Oliver just stood there Barry pushed at his chest with both hands even though he was already against the wall.

 

"I said what the hell?!" Oliver still looked at him confused,

 

"What the fuck is the matter with you?! I wasn't trying to get you to kiss me. I didn't want you to kiss me, I wanted-" Barry faltered not exactly sure what he'd been after with his actions. "You said you didn't like me and then you walked out, and then when I kiss you to spite you, you kiss me back? What the hell? You either like me, or you don’t, which one is it? You can't have it both ways, so don't worry about hurting my feelings because you've already done that, and just be straight up with me, are you into me, or are you still with Felicity?" Barry asked sternly. Oliver squirmed under his gaze, and then looked down, shoving his hands into his pockets and shrugging. Barry's eyes almost bugged out of his head at this admission, he was pretty sure that Oliver would just have chalked it up to being lonely and apologizing again, after all the night they slept together was supposed to be purely for comfort, feelings be dammed on either side, but now here Oliver was admitting that he might actually be into him? It was almost too much. Barry stepped back in shock, the idea that maybe, just maybe his feelings were even slightly reciprocated after all making him want to fly off the ground or run for miles and shout with joy, but he suppressed it because there was no way. No way at all. Not after the apology that Oliver had given the other night which was basically full of "I never should've used you when I knew you had feelings for me and I didn't feel the same." What the hell was Oliver trying to get at here? Barry's expression hardened and he crossed his arms.

 

"What exactly is your aim here Ollie?" He spit the nickname out in a mocking tone, as if it was venom on his tongue.

 

Oliver shrugged, still not meeting his eyes,

 

"Fucking look at me when I talk to you, you owe me that much," Barry demanded, getting angrier by the second. Oliver looked up at him and Barry almost caved at the innocent glassy eyes that stared back at him. Oliver truly looked lost, and it was a true mystery to Barry as to why.

 

"What are you trying to play at!? Do you think this is a game? This is not a fucking game! I love you Oliver, and I hate myself so much for it. I hate you too. I hate you for making me love you. I just want a straight answer. Especially now that you know how I feel. If you don't like me just say it, please, so I can try to move on. If you do like me though... Please tell me. Because. God, if you said you loved me right now, against my better judgement, I wouldn't hesitate to say I love you too. Even with everything you've done the past few days." Barry didn't know what he was saying anymore, so what else is new. He really needed to stop rambling. A silence fell between the again, their gazes stayed locked on each other though.

 

"I don't know Barry. I really don't know. The morning I left, I couldn't stop thinking about you. You were perfect. Everything about you was perfect and I panicked. I panicked because I didn’t know where Felicity and I stood at the time, in fact I still don’t know where we stand, and I felt guilty. I felt guilty because Felicity and I never were able to discuss if we were still together and just taking a break, or if we were seriously over, and if we were just on a break, that meant I cheated on her with you.  And I panicked because I had no clue how the hell I was going to explain that if that was the case. But on top of that, being with you… it awakened these feelings, feelings that I didn’t know I had. I mean you’re very attractive Barry, that’s no lie, but the fact that I’d been unconsciously harboring a crush on you, for seemingly a long time, considering the relief I felt when I realized it, it scared me too. And I panicked and left because I couldn’t handle it. But I’m slowly starting to accept things and, I just… I need some time. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for all I’ve done to you, and if I was a good person, I’d tell you that no I didn’t have feelings for you and walk away and let you move on. But I can’t lie anymore. I can’t… lying has gotten me into so much lately and I’m going to change. So I’m not going to tell you that I don’t have feelings for you when I do. But I can’t promise that those feelings are going to be fully reciprocated, because I like Felicity too. In fact, I love Felicity, and if she wants me back. I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t go, I like you, but I love Felicity. And before I do anything else, I need to get a hold of her and see where we stand. I’m sorry Barry. I’m really sorry,” Barry stood there, in shock, trying again to take in all Oliver was saying to him. So much for getting the last say.

 

-

 

Barry sat there. Head in his hands. His tears had stopped their rapid flow and now he was just thinking. An occasional tear here and there would escape but he wasn't full on sobbing like he had been earlier. He didn't know how much time had passed since Oliver had walked out, but he didn't care. He didn't have the energy to care. It wasn't even noon and he was already completely drained. His mind was racing, but despite that fact, he felt his eyelids drooping. It had been a long night previously and he hadn’t gotten much sleep so it was no surprise, he figured there was no harm in falling asleep for now, whenever the team got in they’d wake him up. So with that last thought he finally gave into his tiredness.   
  
Cisco had come in early today. It was barely passed 10:00. He didn’t have to be in for another two hours but he wanted to get to work on the new gun he was creating for Lisa before anyone else arrived. Yes. He was dating Lisa Snart, not that he'd told anyone yet. And he wasn't proud of the fact that he knew he was technically enabling her to continue to commit crimes, but the pout she gave him when she mentioned she'd been getting tired of her gun had made him cave, not to mention the promise of the smile he knew he'd get (and hopefully much more) when he presented it to her would be worth any guilt he felt. But he was surprised when he noticed the lights were already on and the security that he usually had to disable when he got onto this floor early was already disabled. He furrowed his brows and cautiously made his way into the main cortex. Praying there wasn't some tech savvy Meta waiting for him. He wasn't much for fighting yet. Reverb had showed him some of the perks of his powers but he hadn't had much time to explore them, so he was less than equip to fight someone off. He entered cautiously but seeing that nothing was out of place he let out a sigh of relief and relaxed before venturing farther. He checked all the rooms and found nothing out of the ordinary until he came to the lounge. There he found Barry, curled up, looking like hell, tears streaked his face as he tossed and turned restlessly. Cisco didn't want to wake him, even if he looked uncomfortable knowing how little sleep Barry got as it was after certain missions went south like the one with the meta had the other day, so he decided to retreat and go start up the computers for the time being and see if he settled. If he came back and Barry was still restless he'd wake him up, but any sleep would help at this time.  
  
He walked to the main part of the cortex and flipped on the switch for the power. The screens all turned on to reveal the STAR Labs logo in black on a bright white background immediately. Cisco sat down in his chair and sighed, wondering why Barry had been in the state he was. In fact, he wondered why Barry was even here this early in the first place. It wasn't like him to come in this early. He decided he'd just have to ask when he woke up and for now should get started on his tasks for the day. He wasn't going to chance working on the gun right now just in case Barry did wake up and start asking questions. Their relationship with the Rouges wasn't as taboo as it had been early on but Cisco still wasn't sure just how things would be viewed.

 

He pulled up the security feeds from the previous night, increasing the speed of the video to 32x so that it would only take ten minutes to view in all. Most of the time it was just four minutes of staring at nothing anyway, so it didn't really matter how fast he videoed them, but it was still important to do so every morning. He sat there staring at the same scene he'd always see, blank dark hallways and rooms, for a minute and a half, when suddenly the hallways and rooms illuminated. He sat up straighter and was about to pause to see the time stamp, but then noticed a figure coming into view of one of the frames, he leaned forward to farther examine it, suddenly realizing that it was Barry, he glanced up at the time stamp and noticed that it read 2:48AM. What the hell was Barry doing at the labs at 3AM? He then noticed something else, Barry was carrying someone. He wasn't quite able to make out exactly who it was though. Barry lied whoever it was down on a table and then went to cover them with a blanket, before taking another blanket for himself and heading over to the lounge and turning in himself.

 

 Another forty-five seconds passed before either one of them stirred again, this time it was the still unidentified person that he’d seen Barry carrying. They got up, and seemed to sit up on the edge of the exam table before standing and making their way through the cabinets, as he could see, the man, whoever he was would occasionally massage his temples, probably looking for painkillers but when he didn’t find any, he walked out of the view of the camera.

 

About five seconds later Barry stirred in the other room, getting up and immediately going over to the medical room, when he didn’t see whoever he’d left there, he disappeared to the right out of the camera’s reach as well, probably to go find whoever it was. Cisco saw the two appear again in hallway B, they made their way back into the medical room off the lounge and into the main cortex, Barry went over to his desk and rummaged through it, pulling out what looked like his bottle of aspirin, well thanks for asking first, he thought, before handing the guy some. Must’ve been hungover, so why did Barry bring him here? He wondered, the two made their way back to the lounge and sat down on the couch, facing each other, the guy turned and seemed to look straight towards one of the cameras, giving it a clear view of his face, and wait a minute? Oliver? How had he not realized that’s who it was sooner, and what was he doing in Central city? Cisco watched as the two turned to talk to each other, things seemed to be going well until the atmosphere in the room changed, Oliver had stopped talking and Barry was no longer facing him like he had been earlier, now he had his knees pulled up to his chest on the futon as he shook his head noticeably and then burry his face in his hands. Oliver looked particularly guilty at the moment, turning away as well as if he didn’t want to look at Barry. What was going on? A few more seconds passed before Oliver stood up and left the room, Cisco watched him make his way through the cortex and over to the elevator, while Barry had remained in the same spot. His eyebrows furrowed as he pulled up the cameras for the ground floor, assuming that Oliver was leaving, he was surprised to find when he pulled them up,

Barry was there. His eyes flickered back to the other screen and he noticed that Barry was no longer sitting on the couch. He rolled his eyes and then focused back on the screen showing the ground floor hallway, Oliver came around the corner and almost immediately Barry pinned him to the wall. Cisco’s eyes widened as he watched the next events unfold. Barry had Oliver pinned against the wall, and then he was _kissing_ him, what the fuck? What the fuck? And then Barry was shoving him away and then into the wall again and again, looking angry as he shouted words Cisco couldn’t hear. Oliver seemed to deflate in the face of his anger soon after and begin talking again, Barry deflated as well and then Oliver walked out. Leaving Barry standing there frozen in the front hallway of the labs. Then in true Barry fashion, he disappeared in a the blink of an eye and ended up back in the main cortex, he collapsed on the futon and seemed to fall into a fit of tears, Cisco’s heart broke as he watched a full 20 seconds of Barry’s body shaking with uncontrollable sobs, what the hell had just happened? He sat there until he saw himself come on the screen and then the feed cut to black. Cisco sat there for another five minutes after he stopped watching and was only broken out from his thoughts when heard a loud thump from the other room. He stood up immediately and headed back over to the lounge, Barry had apparently rolled onto the floor and was now rubbing the back of his head as he stood up, he whipped around when he heard the footsteps behind him though, his expression flickering to one of sadness for a moment before he masked it again with an obviously fake smile, he yawned, stretching before greeting Cisco,

“Hey, didn’t hear you come in I guess, what time is it?” Barry asked,

“10:30.”

“What are you doing here so early?” He asked,

“I was going to work on a project, but I think that we need to talk before I do anything else.” Barry furrowed his brows, and cocked his head to the side,

“About what?” He asked, Cisco sighed, normally he wasn’t one to get straight to the point of things, he didn’t usually like getting in the middle of situations like this either, but there was obviously something serious going on, and it needed to be addressed, it wasn’t right for Barry to be suffering in silence. Cisco sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Barry, I just watched the footage from the labs for last night and this morning.” It took a moment for Barry’s brain to catch up with what Cisco was insinuating, but when he realized he paled. He _really_ didn’t want to talk about this. But he had no choice now it seemed, Cisco wasn’t the kind of guy to let him go if he thought something was wrong. And he’d already been so horrible to him the other day, he at least deserved an explanation.

“I’ll erase it, but we need to talk about this okay?” Cisco told him. Barry nodded slowly.

“Take a seat, I’m going to go get us a beer, I think we’re going to need one for this conversation.” Barry nodded and took a seat back on the futon and readying himself for this conversation.

-

“So, do you want to explain to me what I saw?” Cisco questioned, holding out a modified bottle of beer that Caitlin had concocted.

“No.” Barry said honestly, opening his beer with the offered bottle opener and taking a long swig, nothing like drinking before noon he thought to himself. Cisco gave him a pointed look and he sighed,

“What do you want to know?” He asked sighing.

“Well first off, why didn’t you tell us you were bi?” Barry shrugged,

“Didn’t seem that important,” he said, and Cisco shrugged, “It’s not that important, but it’s still nice to know, I mean I don’t care, and I don’t think anyone else will either, don’t worry, I won’t tell them, I’ll let you do that, but still.” Cisco said, taking a sip of his own beer. “Is something going on with you and Oliver? Because last time I checked he was engaged to Felicity,” Cisco trailed off,

“We’re not together.” Barry sighed,

“Then why were you guys making out in the hallway?” He asked, Barry fiddled with the bottle in his hands,

“It’s a long story.” Barry said quietly, “I really don’t wanna talk about it,”

“Come on man, it’s not good for you to hold this stuff in, it’s obviously effecting your work, if the way you blew up at everyone is any indication, so come on, just what’s going on, I won’t judge, I promise,” Barry continued to fidget for a little while longer before sighing and taking another long sip and then beginning to speak.

“I love him.” He said, “I don’t even know when it started, but it was like one moment I was pining for Iris and then the next, he walked in, and I wasn’t sure who I wanted anymore, and then Iris told me that she didn’t feel the same way about me, and… and… I focused my attention elsewhere. It wasn’t just an infatuation either, we actually got to know each other fairly well after he figured out I was The Flash. I’d call him occasionally, ask for advice and he would always indulge me, even if he pretended to be annoyed. And after we teamed up for the first time, he told me I could always talk to him, and well, I took him seriously and we talked, a lot more than just when we saw each other, it became an every other night thing, we’d just stay up and talk about our night jobs, all the stress we went through, it was just a good way to get things off of our chest, and I think I held onto it and read into it more than I should’ve and I didn’t even realize it myself until the first time I saw the two of them kiss that… that… I was in love with him. I knew I couldn’t let my feelings show, it wouldn’t have been right, after all Felicity is a great girl. And so I’ve just been letting it simmer all this time, trying to keep it at bay, and it worked… up until a few nights ago. Things were going on in Starling, the news came out that Oliver had a kid, and then the guy he’d been trying to take down got wind of it and kidnapped him, they had to call in Vixen and all kinds of shit went down, but the most important thing was Felicity finding out, I think it had gotten to the point where everyone except her knew, and well, when it came out, it came out in one of the worst ways possible. And although he was keeping the secret for a good reason, it still blew up in his face, and Felicity broke off their engagement. He showed up at Joe’s place a few nights ago, and he looked like hell. I wasn’t just going to leave him on the front porch so I let him inside and we talked… and once thing led to another… and I kissed him.” Barry choked on the next words, and Cisco cocked his head to the side, listening intently and trying to understand all of Barry’s rambling, thankfully he was getting pretty good at it by now.

 

“And I knew… I knew things were going to hell but I didn’t stop. And it turns out that he figured out I had feelings for him then… and yet he still didn’t stop. I started the kiss, and I know that I can’t just blame him for what happened. But just knowing that he knew that I had feelings for him, that he wasn’t sure if he could reciprocate, and he knew how much it would hurt me in the end, and he kept going. He was really rough and he just… he left the next morning, and he said it was because he panicked and he was confused, but that’s just… I can’t accept that answer. I hate him. I hate what he’s doing to me. I hate that I love him and that I can’t let go of how I feel for him. He’s hurt me this much, not just emotionally but physically, he was really rough. But I can’t help how I feel and I just…this morning he apologized and told me that he was sorry for using me when he knew that I had feelings for him, and then he walked out again, and this time I was determined not to let him have the last say so I ran down stairs and I don’t know, kissed him out of spite, but then he kissed me back and I just don’t know what to do anymore. He said he loves Felicity but he likes me too. And it’s not like he can have both of us.” Barry was sobbing now, he felt so pathetic breaking down in front of Cisco like this, Cisco had leaned over and began rubbing his back as he tried to get his tears under control, he’d long since drained the bottle of beer and at the moment, he felt like he could seriously do with another, in fact, he would really like something stronger if he was honest.

 

“So let me get this straight, you’re in love with Oliver, and you have been for a long time, and he and Felicity broke up because he lied and didn’t tell her he had a kid, and then you two slept together, and he kind of used you, but you were kind of to blame too since you did initiate the whole thing. And today he said he likes you but loves Felicity and now you don’t know where you guys stand?”

“Pretty much,” Barry confirmed,

“Damn.” Cisco cursed, blinking a few times in concentration before shaking his head and honestly saying, “I don’t even know what to say to that… that’s… that’s beyond messed up, I’m so sorry Barry, I really am.”

“I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore.” Cisco was seriously at a loss for what to say, so he just reached over and placed a hand on his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. Barry gave a small thankful twitch of his lips and Cisco spoke up,

“I really don’t know what to say, there’s no suggestions I have for how to make this better and I’m sorry, but I’m always here to listen, so remember that. I’m not good with advice, but I won’t judge you, and I’ll always listen okay?” Barry nodded, and with one last pat on the back Cisco got up, going to go start on Flash business for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments make my day!


	6. There's Nothing More You Can Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's good in Leonard Snart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning this chapter is far from realistic and not one bit scientifically accurate but my friend is urging me to post it anyway, so here it is, *Cringes* I hope you guys like it despite all the liberties I have taken to get it to where it is at the end.

_~It ain’t right, it just ain’t right_

_Don't tell yourself that it was you_

_You followed your heart, you gave it your best_

_There's nothing more you can do_

_Guys like him are like the wind_

_And you know it's just too bad_

_They blow in and out again and never know what they had_

_I can tell you,_

_He'll do the same to someone else it ain’t about you_

_So don't be so hard on yourself~_

_“When You Love Someone Like That” –Reba McEntire & LeAnn Rimes_

“Robbery at Central Hearts Jewelers, sounds like Cold and his crew are back,” Cisco said through his coms, he’d just given Lisa the gun as a present for her birthday the previous night and figured that this heist was also for her. He could only hope Barry didn’t get hurt because of it. He shouldn’t have ever made the girl a new gun. But it was too late now. Barry arrived, skidding to a stop in the middle of the store, the rogues were in the corner, Mick, Lisa, and Leonard all posed with their guns at the ready, Lisa had a bag thrown over her shoulder, no doubt they held the goods.

“Late again!” Len quipped,

“Snart, I thought you’d stop this shit after being with the Legends for so long,”

“Being good takes a toll on the body, I’ve started to notice myself aging, can’t have that now can we?” Leonard said, pointing to his now almost all gray buzzcut. The last time Barry had seen him he’d still had some of his natural hair color sprinkled in, but now it really was just an array of gray, silver, and white,”

“I find it kind of fitting, you are captain cold after all, the snow looks good on you.” Barry said,

“You saying I look good Scarlett?” Len smirked and Barry blushed,

“Well maybe I do,” Barry said, deciding to have some fun, “It’s not like you could ever catch me,”

“Is that a challenge?” Leonard lifted an eyebrow, cockiness oozing from every pore, “Because you know I’m not one to turn down a challenge,”

Barry smirked and flashed over, blocking their easy exit, seconds later ice, gold, and heat were coming towards him, he flashed out of the way and out into the back alleyway.

“I heard you heal fast,” Cold said, firing up his cold gun again and smirking, knowing full well that a shot from the gun would indeed not heal fast for the speedster, but it was all part of the game.

Barry froze at the words out of Cold’s mouth. His brain short circuiting at the memory of Oliver saying those exact words to him, he could almost feel the arrows coming out of his back all over again. He snapped out of it just in time to see streams of gold and ice coming at him, his brain didn’t have enough time to tell his legs to move and instead he found himself attempting to jump out of the way of the stream. But to no avail, his leg was hit with the ice and he went down with a sharp cry of pain. As he went down his com got knocked out of sync and he lost contact with the STAR labs team as well. His head hit the pavement with a soft thud, moments later he felt his vision go black. The ice had hit his leg, encasing it in a cold cast, the gold hitting the ice moments later and oddly enough, casing it inside. If Barry had been awake he would have marveled at the sight.

“Snart!” Rory bellowed from the driver’s seat of the van, Lisa had already hopped into the back and the two were now just waiting for Len. Sirens wailed getting closer, the blue and red flashing of lights becoming more visible as the police sped their way toward the location of the heist.

“Snart! We need to go now!” Mick shouted, but Leonard was glued to his spot, staring in shock at Barry, this wasn’t how things were supposed to go. The heists were for pure entertainment, nobody was ever supposed to get hurt, and his hero complex, which he would deny having at any point, was refusing to let him walk away from the situation.

“No! Mick, get your ass over here, help me get him in the back,”

“What? Snart! The police are literally two minutes away,”

“No, they’re actually 134 seconds away, we have time if you get your ass over here now,” Mick threw the door of the van open and stalked over to Leonard quickly, hoisting Barry up effortlessly and then dumping his lip body precariously into the back of the van before slamming the doors shut and heading back to the driver’s side before tearing out of the alleyway.

“Now what the hell are we gonna do with the kid?” Mick asked,

“Lisa, you call Cisco, tell him to meet us at the safe house,”

 “Why can’t we just go to STAR labs?”

“Because most likely Joe will show up there once he hears that Barry’s gotten hurt, and well, I don’t think

Barry groaned, shifting in the uncomfortable position he was in,

“Barry, hold on, we’re gonna get you fixed up soon,” Lisa said, Barry nodded and let his head rest against the back of the seats, Lisa kneeled peering over the seat and keeping an eye on him as they continued down the road.

“Have you called Cisco?” Len asked Lisa,

“Just texted him, he said he’s on his way, we’re going to safe house 6 right?”

“Yeah that’s the second closest one, we don’t want one that’s too close but we also don’t want one that’s too far, so six is probably a good choice.” Mick grunted and made a sharp right, Lisa glared at the back of his head, being thrown into the window from the force of it,

“I thought we were going to five,” Mick said, shrugging when Leonard gave him a look,

“You could’ve just turned two more streets up, you didn’t have to run the curb back there,” Mick shrugged and continued to drive. They arrived at the safe house about fifteen minutes later, they parked the van in the back alley and Len began giving orders. He asked Mick to carry Barry while he held up his leg that was quite heavy from being weighed down by ice and gold, telling Lisa to run ahead and set out a pillow and blankets on the couch for when Barry woke up.

“How do we get the ice off of him? He’ll lose his legs if we don’t get it off soon,” Lisa said, Leonard was pacing back and forth in front of the couch where Barry was lying.

“I don’t know. I’m trying to think,” Len snapped and Lisa immediately quieted,

“How long until they get here?”

“Cisco said they’re 15 minutes out, but that from the monitors on his suit that we need to get him out of that ice within 10 or his legs will be gone.” Len growled, wracking his brain for ideas.

“Can we use the chainsaw I have in the back?” Mick spoke up and Leonard looked at him like he was an idiot. Mick threw his hands up in a surrendering gesture, “Sorry, I’m not that smart ok, you’re the brains I’m the brawn, I was just making suggestions.”

“Wait. I have an idea. It’s not the wisest, but it might work, Lisa, set out the fire-resistant tarp in the garage, Mick, get some of the gloves you use for your heat gun, and then bring Barry in there,”

Lisa squinted, “What?”

“Just do it,” Lisa rolled her eyes, wondering what exactly her brother’s crazy idea was but doing as he asked anyway. It took about five minutes, but they were now standing around a still unconscious Barry. Leonard got down, taking off his parka and rolling up his sleeves, fiddling around until he found the zipper on Barry’s suit and unzipping it,

“Lenny! What the hell are you doing?”

“We’re going to fire this cast off of him, the heat will melt the gold and the ice.”

“That is the stupidest idea ever.” Lisa said,

“I know, that’s why I didn’t tell you about it until now, but do you have any better ideas? We literally have four minutes before his leg is unsalvageable.”

Lisa rolled her eyes, sighing and saying, “What do you need us to do?”

“I need you to put on a pair of those gloves and get ready to rip the rest of the suit off once Mick melts the cast, we don’t need it to start to re-harden before we get him out of it. And Mick, I need you to use your heat gun on its lowest setting, and don’t you dare go getting trigger happy on me now, this is someone’s life we’re talking about here, to melt the cast. I repeat, do not get all trigger happy and keep it aimed only at the cast, the suit is fire resistant but I don’t know to what extent that means.” Leonard said. Mick grunted,

“Obviously it means it’s fire resistant, but whatever.” Mick fired up his gun lazily and Lisa and Leonard put the gloves on waiting for Mick to begin melting the cast that had formed on the younger man’s leg. The cast slowly melted, Lisa and Leonard quickly stripped Barry of that leg of his suit and then Len worked to slide him up the tarp and away from the cooling melted gold/water mixture before lifting him into his arms with a grunt, damn, he was getting old. He rolled his eyes and carried the now almost fully naked speedster back inside. He wondered what Barry would think of the situation briefly. The kid was shivering in his red boxer briefs (of course they were red,) Len thought, he got into the living room, surprised to find Caitlin and Cisco already there, wondering briefly how they’d gotten inside, but figuring in his haste he’d forgotten to lock the door.

“Oh my god! What did you do?” Caitlin asked seeing Len with a naked Barry in his arms, most of Barry’s left foot and calf was pure white, a few parts at the toes and heel were turning an ugly blueish purple, but for the most part his skin was a pure white that extended into  pinkish red as it reached his kneecap. 

“He got hit with the cold gun, the ice then got encased with Lisa’s gold, and Mick melted the cast off with his heat gun,”

“Lay him down, god, I really didn’t think the frostbite would’ve gotten that bad in such a short time, but I should’ve known with his DNA and how it was effected by the lightning.” Caitlin was rummaging around in a giant silver suitcase that was on the table, she snapped on a pair of latex gloves and pulled out a large roll of gauze.

“I need you two to stand back while I bandage his leg.” She stated.            

 

                                                                                        

 

Caitlin addressed the skin of his leg after quickly checking to assure that his head wound was healing properly.

"Good news?" Cisco asked hopefully after she finished prodding around at the ugly frostnipped leg.

"Thankfully yes, it appears that the damage for him won't be permanent, it's already starting to blister over in places which means it will heal, but he will be out of commission for a fair amount of time while he gets better." Caitlin said, a nervous waver to her voice as she thought about what that would mean for the rest of Central City.

"Do you think we should bring him back to the labs?" Cisco asked,

"Well we don't have much choice in the matter it seems, but we should be able to move him carefully as long as you can help," She motioned for Cisco to get on the other side of Barry to help lift him, Leonard came back in at that moment and stopped them,

"Whoa, I've gotten frostbite enough to know that you shouldn't be moving around, what are you doing?"

"We have to get him back to the labs one way or another," Leonard just waved them off and took a sip of the beer he'd gotten from the fridge,

"Don't worry about it, just leave him here for tonight, bandage up his leg and let him rest,"

"Why would we do that?!" Caitlin asked incredulously,

"Because if you don't you'll probably do more harm than good, what you don't trust me Dr. Snow? I thought we were making progress here,"

"Of course I don't you're the one who let lose all the metahumans at Ferris Air,"

"Well rest assured that this time your little Flash will be safe, dare I admit it, but I've gotten fond of the kid and life would be no fun if he were permanently out of commission so I will return him tomorrow after he’s had time to rest,” Caitlin didn’t like this idea at all, but Cisco shrugged,

“Alright,”

“What?! You trust him?”

“No, but I trust Lisa, you’ll keep him in line won’t you?” Cisco asked Lisa who’d come in and was now standing at the door watching the ordeal.

“You bet,” She said with a wink. Cisco smiled and turned to leave, waiting for Caitlin to follow him,

“What?! That’s it, really? That’s all you needed to hear?” Caitlin protested,

“Cait, Lisa and I have been together for a while now,”

“You what?” Her eyes widened,

“Yes, we’ve been together for a while now, she won’t let anything happen to Barry, and neither will Cold, becauase deep down, the guy really does have a heart from all the stories Lisa has told me, and really, haven’t you been paying attention to all their heists? They’re all practically just for show these days, these two love going at each other’s throats. It’s a game for them, Len doesn’t really want anyone to get hurt and that includes Barry.”

“So now you’re calling him Len?!”

“Leonard.” Cisco corrected himself.           

“If it makes you feel better, I’ll make this into a deal, I return him safely, and you take a look at Mick’s heat gun for him, see if you can add some stuff to it, maybe make it more stable, the bastard built it himself, I’m surprised it hasn’t exploded.”

“Deal,” Cisco said, Cold looked at Caitlin who still had her arms crossed, she huffed,

“Fine,” Caitlin hoisted her medical suitcase off the table and let it hit the floor with a soft thud, she gave Leonard one last glare as she headed towards the front door, Leonard just gave her his signature smirk and a sarcastic four finger wave as she closed the door.

\---

_“I can’t do this anymore.”_

_“What?”_

_“This, sneaking around, I can’t. I love you Barry. But I have Felicity now and we have a kid, and I can’t… I’m sorry, I can’t, I just can’t do this anymore, and it’s bad enough I’ve let it go on for this long.”_

_“But- Oliver… you said… you said you’d tell her… you said we could… you promised.” Barry was tripping over his words,_

_“I know, I know, I’m sorry… but I can’t… Felicity… she’s pregnant. I was going to tell her but then, but then she told me and Barry, I can’t. I would already be leaving one of my kids, and that bothers me enough, I can’t just leave her with a baby… I shouldn’t leave her with a three year old. It’s just… I can’t. I’m sorry. I left one of my kids once and it was the worst decision of my life, I can’t leave these too. I’m sorry.”_

_Barry felt the tears coming to his eyes, here he was. 35 years old. Single, broken, and without powers. He was nothing. He wondered why Oliver had even kept him around this long. He never should’ve hung on this long. He knew, he knew, deep down this whole time that it was all lies._

_“Please… Oliver… don’t go. I can’t… What will I do without you? I have nowhere to go.”_

_“Barry, you’re smart, you still have a job, just go back to Central, buy an apartment, this really isn’t the end of the world, did you really think this was going to work out?” Oliver’s tone darkened into one of annoyance, annoyance at what Barry didn’t exactly know, either way, it cut deep. Barry felt sick to his stomach, tears welled up in his eyes, he was honestly speechless, he stuttered through his next words,_

_“W-What was I supposed to believe? Y-y-you said you loved me… you… you said we were going to be together one day… you promised… all those nights…”_

_Oliver shrugged, “Things change.” The silence stretched on between them. Both of them just staring at each other, Oliver’s face full of regret again, Barry’s expression simply blank, his eyes misty._

_“I’m sorry.” Oliver said with a small shrug of his shoulders. Barry launched himself at him,_

_“You fucking bastard! You can’t do this to me! You promised, you fucking promised! All these years! I’ve wasted practically my whole life on you! And now you’re just going to leave?! I hate you! I hate you, I fucking hate you so much!” He began swinging at him with reckless abandon, finally falling apart at the seams._

_\---_

Barry rolled of the couch with a pained yelp, his eyes shot open, darkness was all he saw, he began to panic, he felt his chest tighten and his head spin, god his leg hurt, what happened? Where was he? Suddenly a light flicked on and it illuminated the room, he gave a frightened shout and attempted to stand up and whip around at super speed but he immediately crumpled to the floor, the pain in his leg was so intense.

“Whoa! Barry, Barry, lay down,” Cold was now in front of him, helping him back onto the couch,

“Le-Leonard, what? What’s going on? Where am I? What are you doing?”

“Breathe Scarlet,” Cold told him. Barry felt it hard to comply, but he soon figured that if he didn’t at least try, he’d pass out, so he attempted to match his breathing with Colds, eventually he fell back limp against the couch cushions.

“W-What’s going on? Where am I? Why are you here?” Barry’s eyes were filled with fright, Cold had never seen the speedster like this,

“Hey, calm down, I’m not going to hurt you, do you remember anything?” Barry thought really hard and the memories gradually came back to him, the muscles in his body unclenching as he realized that he in fact was safe and that Cold didn’t want to harm him after all.

“I-I remember some of it. We were… you were robbing that Jewlry store and then… I came in and we were just going back and forth and then… then you said… you said…” Barry trailed off, shaking his head, “I got distracted and didn’t move out of the way in time, all I rember is feeling pain in my leg before I hit the ground. I woke up and I was in the back of the van and Lisa was peering over at me, she said that you guys were going to help me, I was kind of confused but I was in so much pain that I think I blacked out again… what.. What happened to my leg. I can’t even feel it, well I can, but it’s weird, it’s like the sensation in it is going from numb to burning.”

“Superficial Frost bite, we got the ice off of your leg just in time, you lost contact with your team and so we took you here and Lisa called Cisco, they came over and wanted to take you back to star labs, but I figured it would only make your injuries worse so they decided to leave you in my care until your leg started blistering over.

“They just left me here? With you?!”

“Ouch Barry, I thought you and I were actually starting to become friends.” Barry glared,

“You have betrayed me more than once, I do genuinely think there’s good in you, but that doesn’t mean that I want to be left helpless in your presence.” Len rolled his eyes, and Barry deflated once again,

“If I wanted to kill you I wouldn’t have brought you here in the first place, besides, we agreed no innocents would get hurt, and you Barry Allen, are defiantly an innocent.” Barry’s head snapped up at that, Len was wearing his signature smirk,

“What do you mean by that?”

“Come on kid, have you seen yourself? You look like a doe eyed twelve year old, you never would hurt anyone unless you felt like it was the only way to keep others safe, hell, you’ve only ever punched me once and I’ve deserved being punched a lot more than that. You like to see the good in everyone, and if that isn’t innocent, I don’t know what is.”

“I’m not innocent. Do you even know what I’ve been through?”

“Sure, your mom died, your dad is in jail, you’ve lost people, and over time your innocence has been tainted, but you still wear your heart on your sleeve like a carefree child.”

Barry pouted, wanting to say more but Cold didn’t let him,

“So, how’s your leg? Do you want to take a look at it or do you want to just leave the bandages on for now?” Barry shifted slightly, a burning pain shooting up it and causing him to wince,

“I think I’ll just keep the bandages on for now.” He said,  Len nodded and gave Barry a pat on his good leg before standing up,

“You need anything else before I go back to bed?”

“No, I’m fine.” Barry said in a small voice, realizing just now that he’d in fact woken Len up in the first place and feeling bad.

“Alright then, try to get some rest, there’s still a good five hours of the night left.” Leonard turned off the light and the room was once again enveloped in darkness.

\--

_“I hate you… I hate you… I hate you so much! Don’t touch me! Get off of me! Leave me alone! Fucking Bastard!” Barry was struggling against Oliver’s grip, he had him wrapped up and was trying to hush him, they’d been fighting, Barry had told Oliver he was done with all the sneaking around once and for all, and when he’d tried to leave, Oliver had lunged at him, first it was just a tight grip on his wrist, but as he struggled it became more, now Oliver was holding him to his chest, his arms incapacitated, he apparently didn’t have his speed so he wasn’t able to get away._

_“I don’t want this anymore… I want you to get out of my life, I’ve let you hurt me enough for ten lifetimes, just please… let me go.”_

_“Never… you’re mine.”_

_Subconsciously Barry had been waiting for so long to hear Oliver say that, but not in that way, not in that tone, not with such malice, not as pain shot up his arms as Oliver dug his fingers into them harshly._

_“Let me GO!” Barry shouted, finally wrenching himself of Oliver’s grip,_

_\--_

“Let me GO!” Barry rolled over and hit the hard floor for the second time that night, letting out another cry of pain as he hit his head on the table in front of the couch this time as well. He whimpered and blinked, trying to once again remember where he was, shit, he was at one of Cold’s safe houses. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He’d already woken the man up once, he didn’t want to have done it again, he looked over at the analog clock on the wall, it read 4:53AM in bold blue neon letters. He heard the flick of a lightswitch and the room was illuminated in a soft glow,

“Scarlet? You alright?” Len’s sleepy voice said, out of the corner of his eye Barry could see Len coming into the room, rubbing his eyes free of sleep, it was honestly kind of adorable, a sleepy half awake Captain Cold.

“I’m sorry.” Barry immediately said, rolling over and gripping the edge of the couch cousin to try and pull himself up,

“Hey no, don’t try to pull yourself up, let me help you.” Barry felt Len’s arms under him as he hoisted him up and lifted him the mere distance back up onto the couch. Cold then situated himself on the opposite side of the couch’s arm rest casually and crossed his arms, allowing the silence to linger between them for a while as he thought of what he was going to say, and if he should say anything at all.

Barry was obviously having nightmares, the first time he’d fallen off the couch Len had been still partially awake, floating between that state of half consciousness and half sleep when he was jarred out of it quickly by hearing a shout of “I fucking hate you!” from somewhere downstairs. He’d immediately gotten up, careful not to wake Mick who was curled up beside him snoring loudly, before making his way down the stairs in the dark. He’d gotten to the living room in time to see Barry flailing on the couch in the moonlight before toppling over onto the ground with a loud thud. It was obvious the kid had been having a nightmare. Len had noticed something was immediately wrong with the speedster as soon as the kid had come to foil their heist earlier, he’d stopped in the entryway and slumped slightly, catching his breath for longer than normal before standing and delivering his first bark of “Snart!” His voice had slightly wavered before he said it again, this time with more conviction, and Snart knew immediately something had been off, in all the times he’d seen the speedster, he’d never been tired, and when he’d gotten a chance to get closer to him, he could tell behind the mask that the kid had heavy purple bags under his eyes, and now looking at him it was obvious something else was going on, because Jesus Christ, the kid looked sick. And it wasn’t just from the pain he was in from his leg, the light in his eyes had seemed to dull considerably and there were bags around them still, showing that he hadn’t been getting much sleep, and if he wasn’t mistaking, his suit earlier hadn’t seemed to fit him like glove like it usually had, was it possible that the kid had lost weight? He was already a twig. Finally he stopped musing and decided to speak.

“You were having a nightmare weren’t you?” Len asked, the kid visibly stiffened at that.

“What?”

“I said you were having a nightmare weren’t you? Care to share what it was about? Might help you feel better Scarlet, I mean this in the best way possible but you don’t look too good, and it’s not just because I hit you with the cold gun, you seemed tired and distracted earlier at the heist as well, I mean normally before we even had the chance to fire you’d already be somewhere else, and yet this time, I actually managed to hit you, is something going on?”

“No.” Barry said, far too quickly. Len couldn’t help but smirk.

“Well then, you certainly didn’t have to think about that answer did you?” Barry’s eyes darked and he crossed his arms, he was, in fact, far from fine, but he wasn’t about to go spill his problems to someone like Cold. Even if he was becoming a friend, he wasn’t that great of a friend.

“Come on Scarlet, you can trust me, somethings obviously bothering you, you’ll feel better once you get it off your chest.”

“I already have gotten it off my chest.” Barry snapped back. “All it does is drain me even more every time I talk about it,” Shit. Where was his brain to mouth filter today? It was early, it was probably still sleeping, Barry thought.

“Interesting,” Len mused,

“Glad you find my suffering so entertaining,” Barry quipped back.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about anything? Your nightmare maybe? I mean this is the second one you’ve had in the span of eight hours.”

“No.” Barry said with finality, it was weird. Most of the time he didn’t remember his dreams or nightmares, but tonight he could remember every detail of them vividly, the way Oliver gripped him painfully, the harsh words they’d both had said, the chilling tone Oliver had used in the last one that sent a shiver down his spine.

Barry’s expression had adapted a faraway stance, his eyes had gone misty and Len watched intensely as a small shiver wracked Barry’s body. Something was bothering the kid, his expression was pained and although Len would never admit it aloud, it was breaking his heart to see the speedster like this. He was always so full of life, and seeing him so broken… maybe Barry was right, he really wasn’t an innocent anymore, but what had happened? He reached foreword tentatively and touched Barry’s hand which was lying limp on his good leg, Barry jumped and Cold immediately wrenched his hand away, not wanting to scare the kid even more.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I was just thinking.” Barry said, trying to conceal a tear that fell from his eye and a sniffle through a forced cough.

“I didn’t mean to startle you, but… Barry, you’re not okay, are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“Why would I talk to you about it?” Barry laughed humorlessly, “You’re my nemesis if you haven’t forgotten,”

“Barry, I really thought we were actually becoming friends, you gave me great advice before the legends mission, and since I got back, thieving just hasn’t been the same. I’ve managed to get everything I wanted throughout the span of time practically, and now I’m pretty content with my little collection currently.”

“You have a collection,”

“Why yes I do, but you’ll never find it so don’t bother, anyway, back to the point, If I’m being honest, all these heists, since I got back from the Legends mission, I’ve only kept them up for fun, and so I could see you, it’s always a pleasure fighting with you scarlet, it’s like a game, besides, I do still have a reputation to uphold,

“What? A reputation for always letting your heists be foiled by The Flash? That’s some reputation, what a loser,” Barry rolled his eyes,

“You really think that you’ve foiled all of our heists? Barry, despite what you think, we’ve still gotten off with something every time,” Barry’s eyes widened, what?! Why hadn’t he ever been told about that?

“I guess nobody’s ever told you because they were just thankful for what you did manage to return and either haven’t noticed that somethings been missing every time, or haven’t bothered reporting it because it wasn’t much. It’s always been something that wouldn’t necessarily be missed, but it’s always still been worth a little,” Cold smirked and Barry frowned again,

“Asshole,” Leonard actually laughed out loud at that, and Barry couldn’t help but smile a small smile too.

“Anyway, you should talk to me about it, because I’m not as bad as you think anymore, you were actually right when you said there was some good in me, I just didn’t think that doing good would benefit me in any way until recently, and it’s not so bad.” Barry was beaming as he admitted that, and shit, Len thought, he’d gone too far, he felt himself beginning to blush,

“I KNEW IT!” Barry said triumphantly,

“Hey, I might have some good in me, but I still have no qualms with stealing, fighting, or putting people who deserve it in their place. Like I said, it’s not like I haven’t stopped stealing. I’ve just calmed down a bit for now, anyway, the point of all that is, you can trust me, I don’t want to hurt you, you’ve never done anything wrong, you’re a good person Barry, and if you need to talk, I’m here to listen. So, do you want to tell me what’s going on?” Barry sighed, things were never fixed by just talking, but he was tired, and Cold was being annoyingly insistent, and the care in his blue eyes was causing Barry to crack. There was genuine worry written on the criminal’s face, and Barry didn’t want to worry him.”

“I just made some mistakes with someone, and now I’m in a sticky situation,” He replied.

“What kind of mistakes?” Barry huffed, “I slept with someone I shouldn’t have and I love them, and they said they didn’t have feelings for me, but now apparently they do, and god, it’s just a mess, I’m even confused myself too at this point, all I know is that this is a messy situation and I’m probably not going to come out of it in one piece, metaphorically and possibly even physically speaking, this guy…” Len tried not to let his eyebrows shoot up at the mention of the gender, so The Flash _was_ bi, _damnit, he owed Lisa $50._ He thought,

“I’ve already been distracted twice during my fights as The Flash these days because I can’t fucking get him out of my head, almost everything reminds me of him, and it’s going to get me killed if I can’t get him out of my mind. He said he didn’t want me at first, and so I thought after that, it might be easy, I was really almost ready to try, I gave myself a little while to wallow in my loss, and I was really ready to get over him, but then he reappeared, and this time he told me that he didn’t know what his feelings were for me, he just broke up with his fiancé and he’s not sure where they stand either, but since we slept together he said he might have feelings for me, and it’s just all…really… really… fucked up.”

“God damn kid, your life is a soap opera, that whole situation is ridiculous.”

“Tell me about it, I just… I wish I could just… I just want him out of my life, but I can’t seem to get rid of him. I mean, we sometimes… sometimes we have to work together and only a few of my friends know, and none of his do and it’s just… it’s so complicated. Why did he even have to come into my life in the first place?”

“I don’t know kid, care to give me a name? I’m sure I could have him taken care of by morning.” Len smirked, and Barry looked horrified,

“I was joking!” Leonard said, Barry still looked skeptical, “I won’t kill him, as much as it sounds like he deserves it, Barry, you’re a great guy, you really need to let this dude go, you can do so much better than him, I know you want him, but really, you don’t deserve someone who’s going to keep you on the backburner, I’ve recently learned that myself, and since I’ve cut my ties with many of the people in my life who impacted it negatively, and found a positive relationship, I’ve been much happier and much more successful and focused.”

“But I love him… I can’t just… I can’t just walk away from him. And he said, he said he might love me to.” Len scowled, who the hell was this guy?  Playing with people’s emotions like that, and he thought he was cold.

“Might, Barry, you don’t deserve someone that’s going to drag your heart around like this,”

“You sound like Iris.” Barry said,

“Well Ms. West is a smart woman then, do you mind me asking who this guy is?”

“His name is Oliver.” Barry said, not wanting to give a last name,

“Oliver Queen?” Snart fired back, Barry looked up at him surprised,

“The Green Arrow?”

“How did you know?!”

“Star City, 2046, Legends.” He answered. “Let me just say, he does not age well, so you’re better off without him,” Len laughed at his own joke, Barry didn’t seem amused though.

“I don’t just like him for his looks.”

“Then why do you like him because the guy sounds like a grade A douche,”

“I think a lot of people would say the same about you,”

“Damn Scarlet, frosty tonight are we? And I may be cold, but I don’t play with people’s emotions the way he’s doing.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Barry muttered, Len wasn’t exactly sure what Barry was getting at there but decided to let it go,

“Really Scarlet, from what it sounds like, he’s not worth it, it might not be what you want to hear, but it sounds like it’s true, from what I’ve heard from Ray and Sara, the guy has always kinda been a dick, I mean he slept with Sara when he was dating her sister,”

“That was before the island,”

“Oh because the island changed him so much, sounds like it just gave him a thirst for revenge and taught him how to man up and fight back, doesn’t seem like it took his douchebaggary away, he was even an asshole in 2046 when Sara first met him again, at least that’s what I heard.” Barry scowled, not wanting to deal with Len bashing Oliver anymore. Oliver wasn’t a bad person, he just wasn’t good with his emotions. Barry turned back into the couch, away from Snart, dismissing him entirely. Snart just rolled his eyes and stood up again,

“See you in the morning Scarlet, er, well in two hours since it’s already morning.” Barry didn’t answer and Len didn’t expect him to. As he got back up to his room and crawled back in bed next to a still loudly snoring Mick, his mind wandered to this Oliver Queen guy, he wouldn’t admit it aloud, but what Barry had said had really stuck with him, the kid was really torn up about this, and his broken expression was now etched into his mind. The kid was too good, too full of life, too kind, and dare he say it, too strong for someone to just try and walk all over. It was settled, he’d be having words with Oliver Queen. Sooner rather than later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of you seem to want Len to kick Oliver’s ass, so I hope you enjoy what’s coming next ;) Reviews make me smile! Please leave one if you have time!


	7. If Love Was Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver talks to Diggle and Felicity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is really just a filler, and there's no Len/Oliver, and I'm sorry, but their encounter will be in the next chapter.

“Sara,” Leonard drawled into the receiver, signature smirk in place, it was habit after all these years, no matter who he was talking to.

“Lenny! I was wondering if you’d call! I’ve missed you!” Sara practically squealed down the line.

Len chuckled down the line and couldn’t help but really smile at Sara’s enthusiasm, “Sorry it’s taken so long, I’ve just been… busy.” He finished off, trying to find the right words, Sara’s voice turned stern at his hesitation,

“I hope you’re not causing too much trouble over there, I have no problem coming over and helping Flash kick your ass if need be, you better be keeping up your end of the bargain you have with him, are you?”

“I am, don’t worry, actually, I was calling on account of Flash, you see, he and I have become what you might call, tentative friends lately, and he’s revealed something to me that I just can’t let go of, and it has to do with one of your brawny friends.”

“Oh, who?”

“Mr. Queen,”

“Ollie?” Sara asked, Len could almost picture her eyebrow raising, he snorted at the nickname.

“You make him sound so innocent, he’s a jackass Sara, I thought you of all people would know that, but yes, that’s who, you see, he’s caused some harm to The Flash lately, more harm than I ever have, and I really would like to make it clear to him that the only person who’s allowed to mess with the Flash and get away with it, is me,” Sara was confused,

“What do you mean? Ollie loves Barry, he’d never hurt him,”

“Sometimes loving people causes more pain than good,” Len said cryptically, he didn’t want to reveal too much, what Barry had told him was something he probably didn’t want everyone knowing, and Len needed to be careful with his words.

“What are you after Snart?” Sara said, Len could envision the calculating glare she’d be aiming at him if they’d been face to face,

“I’m not going to hurt him, I just want to talk, and all I need is a current location,”

“I’m not exactly sure I trust you with that, you are still Captain Cold after all.”

Len mock gasped and Sara giggled at his antics, “And after all this time, I thought you’d have more faith in me than that, I might be Captain Cold, but I have no interest in harming the vigilante of Starling, trust me, I just need to warn him for now, and if he does it again, well then I might have to hurt him,”

“What did he even do?”

“That’s classified information my dear,” Len said, he could hear Sara rolling her eyes with the scoff she gave him. “Look, all you need to know, is he was a jackass, and he needs to be told what he did isn’t okay, and that the only person who’s allowed to mess with Barry is me, I won’t even bring my gun, okay?”

“Len, I know you’re more than capable of causing harm without your gun,”

“Why are you protecting him! Didn’t he cheat on your sister with you? What kind of person just gets over that?”

“People change,” Sara said,

“Well trust me, if you knew what he did, you wouldn’t be thinking the same thing, now a location please?” Sara sighed,

“I don’t exactly know where he is right now, give me a few hours and I’ll get back to you okay, but you have to promise me you won’t hurt him, okay?”

“Deal. I won’t kill him.”

“That’s not what I said,” Sara exclaimed,

“I won’t do any permanent damage?”

“Len,” Sara said in a warning tone,

“I can’t promise that I won’t lay a hand on him, because trust me, he deserves it after what he did to Barry, but I just want to scare him a bit, not really hurt him, just rough him up enough so he knows not to do it again,”

“No, still not okay, not unless you tell me what “horrible” thing he did that makes him worthy of being physically harmed, I don’t even want you to go at him verbally,”

“He hurt Barry! Barry Allen, the little meerkat faced nerd who can’t hurt a fly, he hurt him, and Barry didn’t do a thing to deserve it, he was just trying to help him get over his breakup with Felicity and he hurt him, he hurt him both physically and emotionally and that’s as much as I can say. All Barry was trying to do was help and Oliver, the asshole he is, barreled right over him.”

Sara sighed, torn between her two friends, finally she spoke, “Just roughen him up a bit, no serious damage okay? No cold gun, no blood, is that a deal?” Len thought it over, he could do some good damage with just his fists if he had to, no doubt the guy would walk away in pain, no bloodshed needed, if he wasn’t keen on listening to what he had to say, he could agree to those terms,

“Alright deal,”

“Okay, I’ll try to find you a location by tonight.” Len hummed and thanked her before hanging up the phone, now it was time to plan.

\--

Oliver sat on the edge of the bed, phone pressed to his ear, _“We’re sorry but the number you have called is no longer in service,”_ Oliver growled low in his throat and put his head in his hands, trying to think of what to do next, he’d called all of the numbers he had for Felicity, both her personal and her work phone number, he’d even called Palmer Tech, only to find that his number had been blocked from the system and wouldn’t go through. He had no way of getting in touch with her. Thea had answered her phone, but had refused to say a word on Felicity’s whereabouts, saying that he should just give her more time, Oliver had tried to explain himself, but Thea hadn’t budged on the issue. Even his sister wasn’t on his side. He decided that there was only one last person he could think of to call, and that would be Diggle. He’d been putting it off for a while, knowing that his friend would want to know all about where he’d run off to, why he’d called him drunk, why he was looking for Felicity, and so much other stuff that Oliver just didn’t want to tell him. But he was desperate, he needed to know where he and Felicity stood, he needed to give Barry a straight answer, he’d hurt him enough.

“Oliver?” Diggle’s voice said down the line, Oliver sighed and flopped back on the motel bed.

“Yeah it’s me,”

“Well you sound much better now, did Barry get you back to where you were staying?”

“Kind of,” Oliver said, “I’m okay now, but I need to talk to Felicity, do you know how I can get a hold of her?”

“I don’t.” Diggle said,

“I know you’re lying, you and Felicity are like Best Friends Forever, it’s kind of ridiculous.” Said Oliver,

“I’m not going to tell you,”

“Why not? Dig, it’s really important, I just… I need to talk to her, I need to set things straight with her, and someone else, I really fucked something up, and I can’t fix it without asking her a question first.”

“What have you done now?”

“Listen, it’s not important, I just need to talk to Felicity,” Oliver knew his pleads were futile,

“Well if it wasn’t that important you wouldn’t be so desperate to fix it now would you?” Oliver had to fight to keep the pitiful whine out of his voice, he was not a child after all.

“Diggle…”

“Oliver?” Diggle questioned back in a stoic tone.

Oliver sighed, covering his eyes with his hand. He’d hit the proverbial brick wall and he knew it.

“Hey Dig! I think I found something,” A familiar voice said in the background, causing Oliver to perk up immediately, it was Felicity. He was with her right now.

“She’s with you?” Oliver breathed out, his heartrate speeding up, he hadn’t heard her voice in what seemed like forever, although it really hadn’t been more than a week and a half.

“Damnit.” John cursed, he covered the receiver and said something that Oliver couldn’t quite make out.

“Listen, if you’re not going to give me a good reason as to why I should let you talk to her, I’m not going to let you, you’ve put her through enough Oliver. She doesn’t want to talk to you and she shouldn’t have to. She asked for space so give it to her.”

Oliver “Ugh! For god’s sake! I just need to know where we stand! Are we still together? Will she ever want to get back together? Are we broken up? Does that mean I can see other people? I mean she gave me back the engagement ring so we’re not engaged, but what does that actually mean?-”  Oliver’s rambling was cut off by Diggle’s voice,

“Whoa, Whoa man, slow down,” He heard some shuffling on the other end of the line, the sound of a door closing, and then more shuffling,

“What did you say? Did you just ask if you can see other people? Oliver, you haven’t even been broken up for two weeks, and you were devastated when she ended it, now you want to go off and see other people? What the hell man?”

“Well, she is the one who broke it off with me, she shouldn’t be upset if I start seeing other people, she has no right to be. I wanted her, I was willing to talk, she didn’t want to listen, so why should I keep myself hanging on?”

“Oliver.” Diggle said sternly, “What have you done?” Oliver let out a strangled sigh,

“I… I was upset. I just… I needed someone.” Oliver said quietly. John sighed, he figured he knew where this was headed.

“Oliver, despite what you may have learned from your dear old friend Tommy years ago, the way to get over someone, is not to get under someone else.”

“I know that now.” Oliver said quietly, “But it happened, and… it wasn’t just anyone. It wasn’t just a random stranger. It’s someone… someone I think I could like… if, if she doesn’t want me back, and I’ve already hurt him enough for what I’ve done and I need to give him a straight answer to what my feelings are, I owe him that much.”

“Him?” Diggle said, “Never mind, that’s not important, but Oliver, who was it?”

“Barry.” Oliver choked the name out, it physically pained him to say it, and he knew he deserved it.

“God, Oliver, what the hell?” Diggle ran a hand down his face, out of all the people in the whole world, of course it was Barry. Oliver was just that stupid, and Barry was just that far gone. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that Barry had the brightest neon crush on Oliver, but had been keeping his feelings back this whole time for both Oliver and Felicity’s sake. Felicity had even came to Diggle one day and asked if he thought that Barry might be interested in Oliver, but Diggle had told her no, it was just one of those “admirable” crushes, that people get on the ones they look up to.

“That kid is so in love with you, and… god. I can only imagine how he feels, right now, Oliver you’re a jackass.”

“I know that. I know both of those things.”

Wait, Oliver knew Barry liked him? And he _still_ slept with him?

“Wait, you knew?”

“Not until we were kissing, but it was kind obvious after that, nobody kisses a friend like he kissed me.”

“And you went through with it?” Diggle asked incredulously,

“Yes.” Oliver said quietly. Diggle needed a moment to process this. God, what the hell was wrong with Oliver? Diggle took a seat on the steps of the building and spoke.

“I want to know exactly what you did to that poor kid. And then I’ll decide if I should let you speak to Felicity.”

 

“It was three days after Felicity walked out. I went to Central, and I went to see Barry, I was going to just talk to him, but on the way there, I walked from the airport, I started thinking, and… then it started raining and by the time I got to his place I was a mess, I was cold, I was crying, and I just didn’t know what to do with myself, and he let me in, dried me off, and tried to get me to talk to him but I just… I broke down and one thing led to another and we ended up in bed, I should’ve pushed him away the second after he kissed me, I could tell by the way he kissed that it wasn’t just friendship he felt for me. Nobody kisses their friends like that, in fact, nobody usually kisses their friends at all, but if they’re going to, they don’t kiss like that. But one thing led to another, and I was horrible. I know I was. I didn’t just take advantage of him in an emotional way, I was rough… I know I hurt him physically too, and after realizing what I’d done, I couldn’t stand to stick around until morning, so I just left…”

Diggle didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything when Oliver paused, hoping that the younger man would take it as an okay to continue. He did.

“And I didn’t see him until I woke up at STAR labs after I called you drunk and he came to get me. We talked… and I tried to apologize, and I knew, I knew nothing I said would make things okay, but then I made it worse by telling him that I’d known how he felt about me and how I’d still used him… and then… and then he said… he said he still cared about me and after that I couldn’t even listen anymore, my mind was just playing the part of him saying that he wished he could hate me, but that he loved me still on repeat and I couldn’t take it. I walked out, and I thought that would be it, I went over to the elevator and was going to leave, but when I got to the ground floor, he was there, he pushed me against the wall and started yelling, and I didn’t know what to say, and then… he kissed me again. And stupidly… I kissed him back. And of course that only made him madder and then I explained I didn’t know how I felt, because… because if I’m being honest there’s always been something between us that I couldn’t explain, I thought it was just friendship, but then when we kissed again, and I got to thinking, I thought maybe it was more, and he said… he said he wouldn’t hesitate to be with me, if I was to say that I wanted him too, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t say that I did, because… because of Felicity. I didn’t know where we stood, and if she wants me still, I can guarantee that I’d give myself to her, I love her. I love her so much, but if she doesn’t want me, then I don’t see the problem with moving on with someone else I think I may have feelings for.”

Diggle was silent, he was seething with anger, he had no idea what to say to Oliver, there weren’t words for the way he treated Barry, and the younger male didn’t even seem to realize the magnitude of the horribleness of what he’d done, he seemed to even think that Barry would still take him back, and even if that’s what the kid had said, he deserved so much better after what Oliver had done.

“Diggle?”

“I’ll let you talk to Felicity. Hold on.” Diggle said, he figured it was only right to let Oliver sort this out with her, they really should know what page each other was on, but even so, he wasn’t done talking with the younger man yet,

“I’m not done talking to you though, we have a lot more to discuss,” Diggle went back inside and climbed the stairs, all the while not saying anything, when he got back down to headquarters he went over to Felicity.

“It’s Oliver, he has something he needs to ask you,” Felicity looked at him wide eyed, as if pleading with him to not make her talk to the man.

“It’s important, you need to at least sort this out with him, trust me, just hear him out.” Diggle said. Felicity hesitated but eventually took the phone from Dig, who then made himself scarce. With a deep breath she spoke,

“Oliver?”

“Felicity.” Oliver breathed out, almost choking on her name.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Diggle said you had something to ask me.”

“I do… but… Felicity… god. I’m so sorry.” Felicity stiffened, she didn’t want to hear his apologies.

“I don’t want to hear your apologies, do you have something to ask me or do you not?” She said coldly,

“I- I just need you to know… I’m so sorry. I couldn’t… I had to keep it from you… there was no other way, please… you have to understand there was no other way.”

“Oliver, I’m sorry. I understand that you had to keep it from me for the time being, but if you had to keep it from me, you shouldn’t have asked me to marry you, I know I’m the one who confronted you, but you could’ve just told me, you could’ve just told me that you weren’t ready yet,”

“I didn’t… I didn’t want to hurt you.” Oliver said quietly.

“I’m sorry. I know you didn’t. I know, but… well, we’re both hurt now.”

“So… are we… are we, are we just over?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are we over? You sound like you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

“Oliver… I just need space. I told you. I need to think. I need more time to think,”

“Well, what does that mean for us? Are we broken up for now? Are we on a “break?”

“What’s the difference?” Oliver sighed, trying to think of a better way to word the question,

“I slept with someone.” He finally blurted, damnit that was _so_ not a better way to word what he’d wanted to say.

“What?” Felicity asked confused,

“I slept with someone… I was really upset. And… I just. I didn’t know if that counted as cheating or not, and I thought you should know, I just… yeah.” Oliver said. Not knowing what else to say. Felicity was silent for a few moments.

“Thank you for telling me. But it’s not fair of me to ask you not to see others while I think this over, because I honestly don’t know how much time I’ll need. I do like you Oliver, hell, I love you… but this… this isn’t something I can get passed easily, and I need my own space for now, I don’t think I’ll be seeing anyone while I think things out, but it’s not fair of me to ask you to not see anyone either, especially since I can’t even give you an estimate for the amount of time I’ll need. It could be another week, it could be a few months, I’m really not sure.” Oliver swallowed thickly, a lump forming in his throat, he felt tears prickle at the edge of his eyes, but no, he wasn’t going to cry,

“Okay.” He said quietly. He heard felicity shuffle, as if she was standing up, knowing that she was about to say goodbye, he spoke first, not wanting to hear it,

“Felicity…”

“Yes Oliver?”

“I’m sorry. I really am.”

“I’m sorry too.” She said. Oliver heard the click of her heels on the floor, showing that she was probably going to find Diggle to give the phone back, knowing that Diggle would want to talk to him and really not being in the mood, Oliver hung up. Lying back on the bed and letting himself cry. He fell asleep curled up in a ball, tear tracks etched into his face, he knew he had no right to be crying, but he really couldn’t help himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO...I would love to have someone who I could just bounce ideas off of for this story, I tend to be insecure about my writing and very indecisive as well so if someone would be willing to just listen to me ramble and give me an opinion on any of the many ideas I fire off, I would greatly appreciate it! If any of you have time and would be willing to help, please message me at my tumblr, I go by the same name there.


	8. A Quick Draw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len and Oliver finally cross paths.

Oliver stirred, awaking to darkness. He immediately realized he was not in the motel room. The whole room had a chill to it. He shot up right away, blinking and trying to see in what was almost pure darkness, jumping when suddenly a blue light was turned on. His head whipped around to take in who’d turned it on and in that moment he realized he was tied up, He tried to move but found himself completely rendered unable to even shift in the hogtie like hold his arms were laced in behind himself.

“Oliver Queen.” A smooth voice drawled, he blinked, still trying to adjust to the light in the room, it was then that he realized that the light was coming from the barrel of a gun, his eyes raked up the figure who had the gun pointed at him, he was tall, well built, with a short buzzcut and the most ridiculous eyewear Oliver had ever seen, were those goggles? Who the fuck was this weirdo? Wait a minute… he knew who this was. Captain Cold, what was his real name again? Luigi, Lorenzo, Leonel, Laurence? Wait no, it was Leonard. Leonard Snart.

“Snart.” Oliver said,

“Oh, so you do know who I am? So glad to meet a fan, unfortunately, I’m not exactly a fan of you,”

“What the hell is this?” Oliver asked angrily, his deeper voice that he used when being the Arrow came out.

“Oh, isn’t it obvious? This is me, talking to you, with a gun pointed at your face. I know you got kicked out of a lot of schools, but you’re not stupid are you?” Cold quipped, Oliver growled,

“Down boy, don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you,” Leonard snapped his fingers and the room was illuminated in a faint light, where the hell were they? It looked like a storage room.

“Much better,” Leonard said, Oliver struggled against the binds,

“I wouldn’t bother, you see, even Mick can’t get out of those,” Leonard smirked, waiting for his words to catch up with the younger male. Sadly, he didn’t seem to catch on to the innuendo, which was just as well,

“Why am I here?”

“Because you hurt one of my friends, and I don’t take lightly to people who hurt my friends.” Len said in a nonchalant voice. Oliver struggled against the chains again, and Leonard rolled his eyes, he’d have to un cuff him if he didn’t want him to start bleeding.

“Will you calm down? I already told you I’m not going to hurt you, I just want to talk.” Len said,

“Yeah, then why the hell am I chained up like some sort of animal?” Len shrugged,

“Thought it would be fun, I bet you’re not used to being caught these days, besides, I hear you’re the master of zip ties and you’re probably some Houdini as well so handcuffs probably wouldn’t have worked. I didn’t know what else to use, but I’ll make you a deal. I need to talk to you about Barry.” Oliver froze at the name and looked to Leonard with wide eyes, Leonard just gave him his signature smirk,

“I promised our friend Sara that when I got you, I wouldn’t harm you, and I don’t really want to hurt you either, just put the fear of god in you with my words for now, so I’ll make you a deal, I’m going to put my gun into its holster, and I’ll unlock the chains as long as you promise to stay put until I see fit to let you leave.”

“And why would I trust you?”

“Because I’m a man of my word.” Len smirked, and Oliver snorted.

“Alright, we both know that’s a lie, but I would never want to get on Sara’s bad side and I promised I wouldn’t hurt you so I won’t. I would think that you’d understand how good of a liability plan the threat of the wrath of Sara would be.” Oliver thought about it,

“Fine.”

“And just in case you get any ideas, they hear anything other than talking, I’ve got death by fire or by gold right on the other sides of these very thin walls waiting for you, as I said, I told Sara I wouldn’t hurt you, but I didn’t say anything about anyone else hurting you.” Leonard smirked, and Oliver glared at him as he got down right in front of him and gingerly unlocked the shackles. Oliver rubbed his wrists once he was free of them, looking up, surprised to see Cold holding a hand out to him to pull him up, he didn’t take it, figuring it was probably some sort of trap, and stood to his feet himself, nose to nose with the criminal.

“Not as dumb as I thought,” Leonard drawled, “Now, we need to talk about Barry, that’s right, he told me exactly what you did to him, and I must say, it was _cold._ And that’s someone who goes proudly by the name of Captain Cold. Hell, even I’m not that cold to people.” Len laughed humorlessly, “You are an asshole.” He said, Oliver rolled his eyes,

“Tell me something I don’t know…” Oliver yawned and gave Len a bored stare.

“Listen here you son of a bitch, you stay the hell away from Barry. You’ve ruined him, you should’ve seen the way he broke down the other night, hell, he was so desperate for someone to talk to who wouldn’t judge him that he told _me_ what you did. And we’re not that close. You’re even giving the kid nightmares, you’re all he’s been able to think about and it’s even getting him hurt on the job. Barry doesn’t need any more pain in his life, he’s had enough for ten lifetimes, and if anyone should know that, it should be you.  So if you know what’s good for him, and you, you’ll stay the hell away from him, or it’ll be death by ice for you, and don’t think you can get around me, because I have eyes everywhere. And I _will_ know.”

“Then why are you still in his life huh? You said he didn’t need any more pain,” Len laughed,

“Red and I got a rocky start, but I’d never hurt him, not without a good reason, and certainly not in soul shattering way you did. It would’ve been better for everyone it seems if you’d just died on that island, everyone you touch you seem to hurt in some way, am I right?” Len knew he was probably pushing it, but he was just so angry with him. Oliver’s hands balled up into fists,

“People think you’ve changed, but really you’re just the same heartless prick you were when you left, all you care about is yourself, and the only person you know, and will ever know how to love is yourself, so get used to it.” Oliver threw the first punch at that, Cold ducked out of the way easily, shaking his head,

“Ollie, Ollie, Ollie, I thought you said you were going to behave,” Oliver threw himself at the older man, Cold twisted him until he had him in a headlock, he’d learned a few things from being in prison, and this was one of those maneuvers.

“Come on, you’re almost making it too easy,” Leonard said,

“How did you?”

“Prison,” Cold smirked, he let him go and Oliver shook himself off righting himself again.

"Now get out of my sight." Cold growled letting go of Oliver and shoving him backwards towards the door.  
  
"That's it?"  
  
"Yup, you're free to go," cold said, standing with his arms crossed. Oliver turned tentatively, waiting for cold to jump him or something. That couldn't possibly be it. He walked slowly over to the door and reached for the handle, suddenly remembering Cold's threat from earlier.  
  
"No ones gonna shoot me if I leave are they?" Leonard snorted.  
  
"Please, it's just the two of us here. My rogues are far too nosey, and antsy to just stand guard for as long as you've been out.  
  
"And how long have I been out?" Oliver questioned.  
  
Cold looked at his watch. "22 hours, 19 minutes and 43 seconds." Oliver rolled his eyes. Barry had been serious when he said the guy counted the seconds to things.  
  
"Oh wait there is one more thing!" Cold said, and Oliver rolled his eyes turning, only slightly startled to find the man almost nose to nose with him. He hadn't even heard him come up behind him, Jesus, he was some type of ninja. He only had another second to process the close proximity before his left eye was throbbing with pain, he was wrenched back quickly, and then his whole left side of his face was in pain. He was shoved into the door and he collapsed against it, holding his jaw in his hands.

“Fuck! What was that for?”                                                               

“That was for Barry, and trust me, I can do much worse, so watch your back.” Cold said. Oliver hissed and leaned over, his face throbbing with pain. When he looked up, Cold was gone.


	9. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver is left alone...

_~Sometimes loving me just means leaving me alone~_

_"Alone" -Sara Evans_

 

He walked down the familiar hallway, standing in front of the door that he’d stood in front of a million times before, except normally it didn’t bring a sense of dread along with it. This time it did. With a deep breath he turned the key in the lock, pushing the door open with a flourish, he’d barely gotten inside when he heard a familiar squeak and looked up to see her. It was Felicity. God. She looked even more beautiful than he remembered. Blonde hair in a messy bun, pen tucked behind her ear, those adorably sexy glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, dark jeans, and plain black tee with a few sequins on it that added sparkle, along with white socked feet.

“Oliver! You’re back! I wasn’t expecting you! Sorry for the mess… the movers are coming tomorrow and I just worked out a more effective system to help facilitate the moving process.” Felicity began rambling on about trucks, boxes and masses and fuel efficiency but Oliver wasn’t paying much attention, his mind was a million miles away from moving, and his attention was completely focused on what exactly he’d let happen to the beautiful girl in front of him. God. He was so stupid. How could he have been so stupid? He should’ve told her. She never would’ve told anyone else, Samantha didn’t have to know until later. Felicity would’ve been able to keep a secret and William would’ve been safe… well until Dhark got to him either way, but they would’ve still been together. She had slipped right through his fingers and it had been all because of his own carelessness and selfishness. He was going to get her back. He had to. Standing in front of her right now, there wasn’t a fleeting thought of confliction in his mind surrounding if he wanted her or Barry. It was her he wanted.

“Oliver? Are you listening?”

“Hm? Yes! God, you look amazing… it’s amazing how much progress you’ve made in such a short time, Paul must be a genius,”

“Yes! Really, it’s like a symphony of the talents! Curtis and Paul… they’re kind of the perfect team. Happily Married, tech… sorry. Poor choice of words.” Felicity had turned around and winced at her own rambling. She just never knew when to shut up did she?

“It’s okay… it’s um… it’s like… I don’t know what it’s like.”

“It’s like we were engaged and now we’re not even together.”

“Yes. I guess that’s what it’s like.”

“Would you cancel the venue please? And I’ll get to um… uninviting all the guests.”

“Yeah…” Oliver trailed off. Oliver cleared his throat after a few more moments of silence,

“Felicity… I actually need to talk to you about… about work.”

“What about it?”

“Well… um Diggle called the other day, said we have something new to look into… and I was just… well I guess I was wondering if I still had my tech genius on board?” Felicity tilted her head,

“Ollie, of course you do, it’s been you, me, and Dig since the beginning, the Original Team Arrow, I’m not going to just leave you hanging because we’re not together anymore.” Oliver scratched the back of his neck self-consciously and nodded,

“Good, thank you… Well I guess I’ll see you when I see you.”

“Tonight?”

“Yeah… I guess.” Oliver clutched a beanie that had been on the table in his hands and turned to leave again. He didn’t want to be here. Not with her, not right now. He wanted to get her back but he needed to think of how first, otherwise, he’d make a fool of himself.

\--

Oliver was in the Arrow cave, looking over evidence that would help convict Dhark when Diggle appeared,

“Hey man, how you holding up?” Oliver sighed,

“Good… Good… I guess.”

“This is all because of William isn’t it.” Oliver nodded,

“Felicity will come around, I know it, just ride this out,”

“But what if she doesn’t?” Oliver asked, Diggle sighed,

“She will, trust me, this is just a lot to take in, it would be for anyone.”

“But… But Barry was fine with it… when I told him. He didn’t even seem phased.”

“Well you weren’t dating Barry now were you?”

“No…” Oliver said quietly. He really wanted to just confess everything to Diggle right now, but he stopped himself. Deciding this wasn’t the time.

“She wants to be on the team still though, right? That should be a good sign,” Diggle said, Oliver nodded,

“I guess,” Before they could get any farther on their conversation Thea interrupted them.

“Hey! Lance just called, said he had some news on the murders… asked if you could come down said you might know who it was, mentioned an old friend?” Oliver furrowed his brow,

“Duty calls.” Diggle said, “We’ll finish talking about this later.”

\--

Oliver walked onto the crime scene, Lance spotted him immediately and walked over to him to fill him in on what was going on,

“An old friend of yours,” He said, gesturing to the bodies laid in the shape of a heart on the ground.

Oliver furrowed his brows, “Cupid?” He asked,

“Yup, seems so,” Lance pointed to a red arrow on the ground, the tip perfectly shaped like a heart,

“We got this, it was right between the two,” He said, pulling out a plastic bag and showing the note to Oliver,

“Love is dead.”

“Well, she’s changed her MO,”

“I would say so,”

“So, any idea why she’d do any of this?”

“No? I don’t think so, but I can get Felicity to check into it,”                                          

“Alright, keep in touch, I’ll be to the cave in a few,” Oliver nodded as Lance jogged backwards towards the scene. Oliver waited until he turned around and then disappeared back into the night. 

 --

“So, what exactly are we up against?” Asked Diggle,             

“Cupid.” Oliver replied,

“She’s supposed to be in custody at ARGUS.” Felicity said,

“Yeah, not anymore, I just talked to Lyla, apparently she earned her freedom after a few suicide missions, the new thing they’re doing to keep the facilities from getting too crowded.”

“Who were the victims did CSU ID them?”

“Wait, seriously guys?” Thea spoke up, “None of your crime tech guys read gossip websites? This is Blaine and this is Shannon,” Everyone gave her calculating looks of confusion,

“Really guys?” Thea rolled her eyes, “It’s like the wedding of the decade… considering that Olicity is off…” She mumbled the last part, thankfully everyone chose to ignore it and continue focusing on the task at hand.

“Well why would Cupid want to go and off Starling City’s most high profile couple?” Felicity asked,

“Well we figure that out and we can find out who her next targets might be,”

“How do we know there’s going to be a next target?” Asked Lance,

“Trust me, there will be, she’s out for blood.”

“We’ve gotta get to court,” Diggle spoke up after checking his watch, Oliver looked at his own,

“Shit! Are you going to be okay here on your own?” He asked Felicity, Felicity gave him a raised eyebrow in return,

“I’ve always been before, I’ll start following some of these leads that we’ve got for Cupid,”

\--

The crew had just gotten out of an unsuccessful session battling Damien in the courtroom when Diggle got a text from Felicity, they’d just made the decision to have Quinten take the stand and testify against Damien, it was a huge sacrifice, and Oliver had honestly been shocked when he’d volunteered, not knowing exactly what to say or how to thank the man properly. There weren’t words, thankfully he didn’t have to, the text from Felicity causing a welcome distraction.

“It’s Felicity,” He put the phone on speaker, “The whole team’s here, go,”

“Good news and bad news, I got Cupid’s location, bad news, it looks like she’s kidnapped another celebrity couple,”

“Alright Felicity, what’s next, where are we heading?”

“They’re on the move headed towards Penny Town,”

“You guys going to be okay without me?” Laurel questioned,

“Yes, we’ll be fine, get Dhark, I know you can do it.” Oliver said, Laurel nodded,

“You get Cupid.” Oliver nodded and the group parted.

\--

Oliver was on his bike, Speedy holding onto him from the back, Diggle in a van behind them, speeding towards Cupid who had the latest couple hostage in their limo, still driving. Cupid noticed them in her rearview, and made a couple smart quips about holding on before pressing on the gas, turning it into a high speed chase. Oliver sped through various intersections, doing the best he could to catch up to them, finally, he got close enough for Speedy to jump on the back of the car and help derail it from its high speed mission momentarily. Cupid sped into a warehouse, knocking Thea off the back of the car and onto the pavement, Oliver yelled for Diggle to check on her as he sped into the warehoused after the Limo, he stopped when he saw it crash into several piles of barrels, getting off his bike and running over to the driver’s side door and wrenching it open to find it empty, he turned just in time to ward off an attach from Cupid, the two fought hand to hand for a few moments before Oliver shot one of his trick arrows that caused her to become tied up, he thought he had her, not noticing the sharp blade of one of her own arrows she had, allowing her to cut herself free as he talked to Felicity over the coms. He turned his back to help the couple opening the door only to hear the sound of the wires snapping loose, turning back in time to see Cupid pulling one of his moves and sailing up and out one of the top windows with one pull of her bow.

Fuck. He really needed to get his head in the game.

\--

They got back to the cave and began mulling over other possible ways to catch Cupid, Felicity angrily cut fabric the whole time and Oliver watched hands on his hips, trying to pay attention to both what Diggle and Thea were saying as well as what Felicity was doing. Diggle brought up Cupid’s relationship from the last year that she’d been in with Floyd Lawton,

“She was heartbroken when he was blown up, remember?”

Oliver sighed, “Cutter is pathological, I mean targeting happy couples? Who does that?”

“Well it makes since if you look at it from where she’s coming from, love betrayed her, so she…” Felicity gave a particularly fierce snip with the scissors she was using to the glove she was cutting up before continuing, “She wants to go to war, against it.”

“And that makes sense because?”

“It makes sense to her,” Felicity said,

“Okay, well, she’s not just targeting regular couples, she’s targeting celebrity couples,”

“Probably to bring more attention to her anti-love crusade, which I can’t say I’m not in agreement with these days,” Oliver gave Felicity a worried look that she didn’t seem to notice,

“I’m going to run forensics on this,” Felicity said, disappearing over to the back corner of the cave.

“Well I suggest we hit the streets.” Diggle said, “See if we can get any more on Cutter,” Oliver nodded, turning to go gather up his weapons again, he was tired, he wasn’t going to lie, but the ‘City needed him, and he needed to be there for it. Besides, he still hadn’t had time to completely figure out what he was going to say to Felicity.

“Alright, so now that’s out of the way, why don’t we talk about the other flamingly obvious problem?”

“Yeah, why not just come out and address the elephant in the room,” Thea quipped in agreement.

“Felicity and I are fine,” Oliver said, Thea snorted,

“Clearly you’re not, did you not hear her?” Diggle nodded in agreement and Oliver paused in his walking,

“You’re the one who told me to step back and give her time!” He said, addressing Diggle,

“Okay, listen, Do you or do you not want to get her back?” Thea asked,      

“Obviously I do,” Oliver said, not wanting to let his mind wander to Barry, because he didn’t deserve him… not after all he’d done, no matter how much he wanted him.

“Then tell her that,” Thea said,

“Even if you fall on your face, she needs to know clearly where you two stand, she was clear with you, and now you need to make your intentions perfectly clear to her.” Diggle piped in,

“She needs to know that you’re willing to say the words,” Thea said,

“I am willing to say the words,”

“Oh yeah? Then what’s stopping you?” Diggle asked, Oliver didn’t have an answer to that so he turned on his heal and headed out of the Arrow Cave.

\--

They’d been scouring the streets for a good hour and a half, nothing to show where Cupid might be, finally, Diggle got a text from Felicity saying that she might have something for them and to head on back, Oliver had been mulling over what to say to Felicity the whole time, honestly not focused at all on the task at hand. He needed to just be honest with her, apologize, sincerely, and try to make it clear that he’d never keep anything, anything at all from her again, because she mattered most to him. She really did, if he thought about it, he couldn’t imagine who he’d be today if Felicity hadn’t come into his life, she’d saved him a thousand times now, her smile was the one thing that could never fail to make everything okay, and he didn’t know what he’d do without it. He was so confused and lost for those few weeks in Central, it was evident from all he’d done to screw things up with Barry. He’d been completely distraught without her, and that’s why he’d looked for comfort in the younger man, sure, Barry was attractive, sweet, and funny, but he had his own city to tend to, they’d never work out, and after what Oliver had done to him, how he’d used him, even if Barry was willing to take him back, Oliver knew that Barry deserved better and he wasn’t going to have him settle for someone who’d hurt him like he had, besides, Felicity was the one he truly wanted, Barry had just been a second thought since Felicity hadn’t been there. Or at least that’s what Oliver was going to keep telling himself in order to not dwell.

\--

They crept into the wedding dress warehouse quietly Felicity had said that this was most likely where Cupid had been hiding out this whole time, Oliver tried not to get distracted by all the dresses and the images his mind conjured up of Felicity in each one of them. God. She would’ve looked so beautiful. Why’d he have to be such a fuck up? No. He couldn’t think like that… things might eventually work themselves out, he had to keep confident. Otherwise once the mission was done and he got time to talk to her, he’d fall flat on his face as Diggle had said.

“I found something!” Thea said, Diggle and Oliver quickly followed her voice, sure enough, it was Cupid’s current hideout,

“Well she does love her shrines,”

“Well, we just need to figure out which celebrity couple is getting married next and we should be able to find her next target, I think there’s one we can rule out though,” Thea said, plucking a paper off one of the shrine walls and handing it to Oliver, the headline read, “Felicity Smoak and Oliver Queen Announce Engagement.” Oliver felt a sharp stab from within his chest, was that his heart? He wondered. He folded the paper and put it in his pocket,

“Let’s go.” He said gruffly.

“But wait, there might be more clues!” Thea protested,

“I said, let’s go.” Oliver said more firmly, continuing on his way out. Not in the mood to be in there any longer.

\--

"Don't you think we shouldn't be risking another couples safety to stop her?" Diggle questioned. 

 

"Well I don't know what other couple we'd use!" Thea argued back. Oliver had been silent. Mulling over his idea in his mind since they'd gotten back. 

 

"Felicity," Oliver finally spoke up. Breaking the arguing up in the room. All heads turned to the two of them. 

 

"We need to get married." He stated matter of fairly. Another beat of silence passed between everyone before Felicity some up, 

 

"How romantic," she said sarcastically. 

 

"Felicity just-"

 

"No Oliver, this has to be your worst idea yet!" 

 

"Actually it's not the worst idea, why don't you hear him out?"

 

"Really? You too John?!" Felicity said frustrated. 

 

"We lost our lead on Cutter, this might draw her out, you'll be safe,"

 

"Um, well Oliver didn't catch her earlier, this is basically me just volunteering to be killed, no thank you," Felicity said. Adamantly against the idea. 

 

"No, John and I will have your back, and so will Ollie." Thea told her, Felicity sighed. 

 

"Well I guess it's too bad I already sent out those uninvitations." 

 

"Clearly, none of you spend any time on gossip sites," Thea said, "I'll take care of it."

 

"Bloggers love nothing more than a private, secret, wedding,  I'll leak the news, we'll have no problem drawing attention to it." 

 

"You guys, we have to do this quickly, so Cupid doesn't change her MO," John pointed out. 

 

"Alright, well we can do it tonight,"

 

"We can?" Felicity asked, "Where?" She said. 

 

"The original venue, I can call and have them move it up."

 

"But you were supposed to cancel that." Felicity said to him. 

 

"I know... But... Well once k canceled it... It meant it would be... Over." He trailed off quietly. Looking dejected, Felicity gave him a pitying look, 

 

"Oh honey, it's already over." She said. 

 

\--

 

They arrived at the venue, their officiate stood on the alter, Oliver beside her as he waited for Felicity to appear. He rocked back and forth on his toes impatiently. He'd finally figured out what he was going to do. It was going to be these vows. Hopefully what he'd come up with was good enough, and the rest, that he'd decided to wing and just let pour forth from his heart would convince her. It was all he could think of to do. No grand gesture would work, Felicity wanted simple and honest and this was the best thing he could think of. He'd been looking down at his feet. Still contemplating impatiently when that beautiful voice broke him out of his revery, 

 

"Is everything alright?" Oliver looked up and felt his breath catch in his throat. There she was. Beautiful... Flawless... Like some sort of goddess in white. Her veil fell behind her shoulders. Her long blonde locks pinned behind her into a beautiful half bun. A few bangs hanging across her face to frame it beautifully. Her glasses were gone, and as much as Oliver loved them, he also loved seeing her eyes without them. She was every bit as beautiful either way, but God, she was breathtaking right now. 

 

"Everything's great," he said, reaching to take Felicity's hand to lead her to the alter, she didn't take his though and he attempted to casually replace his hand at his side so that the officiate didn't notice the distance between them. 

 

They stepped up onto the alter, facing each other. The officiate babbled on about keeping things quiet and thanking them for being able to officiate in general and Oliver nodded politely. Most of his attention fully focused on the woman in front of him. 

 

"Can we get this over with?" Felicity said, her tone sharper than she meant for it to be. The officiate looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she forced out a laugh "I can't wait to be married to this guy." Good cover, Oliver thought to himself. 

 

"Well in that case, I know you've written your own vows, so, if you will, Felicity. Why don't you go first." Felicity's face turned to one of shock and surprise but she quickly schooled it. And cleared her throat daintily. 

 

"The vows, right, Oliver,  you have many qualities, many astonishing qualities and I for one can't wait to move onto the next chapter," she gave a smile that was forced and nodded, the officiate waited a bear to make sure she was done before nodding to Oliver to begin. 

 

Oliver felt his heart pounding loudly in his chest. This was it. This was it. He sighed and collected himself before looking straight at Felicity and into her eyes. 

 

"Felicity, before I met you, I had a plan, I had a very meticulous plan that had been five years in the making that I was determined not to let fail. But then you came along. Or well I guess I came along, I showed up at your cubical after all. And I probably scared you to death with some of the things I asked you to do, but you did them. All with no questions, and you changed everything. The plan that I had, was so easily knocked off its course. All of the things I had conjured up in my mind that I had to do by myself, I suddenly didn't have to do anymore. At least not alone. Because I had you. I realized I didn't have to carry the burden of life on my own thanks to you. You showed me that it was okay to show weakness, it was okay to have help, and that sometimes gentleness was the greatest key. And every day.. Every single day, I a, thankful to have you in my life, every day I am floored by you and all you can do, you are an amazing woman. And I am honestly just amazed, amazed by your kindness, generosity, intelligence, wit, and your trust, you brought me Into the light and you let me know... That I deserved it all. You were that light and I don't know if I still deserve that trust, if I still deserve you, but whatever has happened and whatever will happen, all I know is the way you make me feel, is the best feeling in the entire world. And I will never, ever, lie to you again." Felicity reached out with her hand and as he finished the statement, he slid the ring onto her finger, 

 

"You can ask me to say I don't love you, but... That would be a lie, and like I said, I won't ever, ever, lie to you again. You are my always and I just want a chance to be yours." 

 

"Oliver..." Felicity heard herself whisper. Her eyes locked on his, then with a whoosh and a thud, the moment was broken. An arrow landing right next to Felicity's dress. The two of them looked up, immediately. 

 

"Hello lovers..." Cupid drawled. 

 

"Run," Oliver told the officiate who didn't hesitate to do as asked. 

 

Cupid jumped down from her perch at the open chapel window and landed with a thud on the floor, Oliver tried to rush Felicity over to the door, but Cupid was faster and the best he was able to do was shield her with his own body. 

 

"Guys?" Oliver whispered into the coms,

 

"Yeah we're here, I'm coming," Thea replied. 

 

"Rodger that." Diggle replied. 

 

Things happened in slow motion after that, Cupid rambled on about how love meant death, ad the next thing Oliver knew she was drawing her now and firing, Oliver barely had time to jump in the way of it to shield Felicity. And like a cliche, he was hit in the chest, thankfully not in the heart, but it was close. Felicity rushed over to him as he fell to the ground. 

 

"Sorry, I didn't check your registry, but how does a bomb sound? A bomb to take down this whole place?" Cupid questioned cynically. Felicity was still kneeling over Oliver, her eyes wide and worried as she watched Cupids every move. 

 

"All of it was just a fantasy, like Camelot, but once Camelot has fallen, everyone will know my truth. Love is a bullet to the brain." Cupid said. Oliver groaned, rolling over and standing up, pulling the arrow from his chest, Cupid looked momentarily surprised. But then she schooled her expression as well, 

 

"Vest, underneath the suit, my bodyguard insisted, Oliver explained, Cupid tilted her head. 

 

"You know, you don't have to do this," he said. 

 

"I do," Cupid gave a fake pout before huffing out a laugh. "Funny, the two words that begin a marriage, 'I do," those words are lies though, and people need to know that." She snarked back. Oliver took his stance back in front of Felicity. 

 

 

"I have loved two men in my life, with all my soul, and they're both dead now, no matter what, love always ends in death, thats why its in the vows, I'm just cutting out the middle man. Love is death."

 

"It's not," Felicity said with a slight shake of her head, squinting momentarily before beginning to step forward slowly. Oliver's first instinct was to throw himself in front of her, but he knew that in the moment that was not the right move and he had to let Felicity do whatever she was going to. 

 

"You saw all those people outside didn't you? They're out there because love is real. Love is life, and if I die tonight, it'll be okay, because I was one of those people who was lucky enough to have experienced it. From the moment he walked into my life, everything changed. I became a person I didn't. Even know I was capable of becoming, I became a better version of myself, and that wouldn't have been possible without our love. Our love gives my life meaning, purpose, and it brings us more joy than you can ever take away from us, and it's worth living for, all of it," 

 

"You really know how to make a girl believe in love again," Cupid said weakly, suddenly the ceiling fell through and Diggle and Thea landed on the ground they fought hand to hand for a good minute and a half as Oliver just stood there stunned by what Felicity had said, Thea shot a trick arrow and once again Cupid was tied up, they'd managed to knock the first button out of her hands, not knowing that she had another one she could easily get to, Oliver snapped out of it just in time to notice a red light blinking at Cupids hip, he grabbed the gun from Diggle's belt and paused, looking at her for a moment, not wanting to shoot but not seeing any other choice. And with a retract of his finger, he shot her in the stomach, she fell to the ground and silence rang through the chapel. It was over. And now it was time to figure out if his own life was over as well

 

\--

 

"So, I heard what Felicity said in there," Diggle said once Thea and Felicity walked away from the group after announcing that they were going to meet Laurel in a few minutes. "All she needs is a little time, don't lose hope..." Diggle said, giving him a pat on the back before ushering him down the hall to change as well. 

 

\--

 

Oliver sat in the cave, spinning around in the chair, watching news footage from earlier that day when he heard the click of heels on the floor. He looked up to see Felicity. 

 

"Hey, I thought you'd be asleep," she said, Oliver groaned and turned to face her, 

 

"Can't sleep," he said,  Felicity came to a stop in front of him. She was beautiful as ever in her casual clothes, just as breathtaking as she was in the wedding gown he'd seen her in earlier. His heart skipped a beat. Knowing that the conversation was coming, he opened his mouth, but Felicity cut him off. 

 

"I just came to pick up a few things... But sense you're here..." 

 

"I want you to know that what I said today during the ceremony, I meant... I meant every single word of it." Oliver piped in, not letting her finish, he had to get this out. 

 

"Oliver, I love you... With everything in me..." Felicity said. "But... But what I said doesn't apply to us," Oliver felt his heart sink into his stomach, "I can't be with you, I can't work with you, I thought I could make it work, but I can't. I can't be around you, it's not fair, and I'm sorry. I can't marry you." 

 

"Yes you can," Oliver protested, it was weak, desperate sounding, even to his own ears. He didn't want to let go. 

 

"Yes you can, because... Because that's what both of us want." A fleeting image flashed through Oliver's mind, of honey colored eyes and fluffy windswept chestnut hair, but he pushed it away, what he needed was right in front of him and unless he convinced himself that he was 100% sure that this was what he wanted he wouldn't be able to convince her.

 

"Things can be different, I can be different, I promise..." He said. Felicity just shook her head.

 

"I'm swearing to you, there will be no more lies,"

 

"You know, no matter how much you love me, there's always going to be a part of you that's who you were when you were on that island, alone, when you came back from that island to save the city, alone, and sooner than you and I both know you're going to be in a situation that's going to force you to lie to me, even if it's for my protection, so don't promise me that. You and I both know it's true, and I'm sorry, I love you Oliver, I do,"

 

"You can't know that!"

 

"I do know that, and you do too... I'm sorry that I let this happen... I'm so sorry. This whole thing was as crazy as Cupid."

 

"What does this mean?"

 

"It means that it's too hard for me to be here with you every night and not be with you, you've got some money and I've taught you a lot of stuff, you don't need me anymore. So for now..." Felicity trailed off handing him a flash drive, "let's just accept this." Oliver opened and closed his mouth in a fishlike manner, trying to think of something, anything to say. Anything at all that could convince her to stay, but there was nothing. He'd used all his word up and shed ripped out his heart, his voice was stuck in his throat as he broke down right there. There was nothing he could do. 

 

"Please... If you ever loved me... Just leave me alone... Don't call. Don't try to contact me. I need to be on my own... I'm sorry." Oliver felt as if he'd just been gutted, knowing that at any moment now he'd hit the floor. And seconds later he did, Felicity's heels began clicking getting father and farther away, her back was turned so she didn't even notice that he'd fallen to his knees. 

 

"Felicity... Please." He choked out weakly. Tears coming to his eyes as he sat there in a heap on the floor unable to move, unable to speak, unable to do anything but watch his life, his light, his world...walk out the door. 

 

\--

Oliver collapsed onto the bed in the loft, he'd just stripped his top half, not having the energy to wrestle himself out of his pants or wash the grime from the day off with a shower. He was completely spent. Hot tears spilled from his eyes as he muffled the sobs with the pillow. He heaved, his chest convulsing with each hitch, fat tears rolling down his cheeks, he knew he was red faced by now. His mind was quickly filling with dark thoughts. Thoughts he hadn't had in a while. He continued to cry. He hadn't ever remembered crying this hard in his entire life. But everything just hurt so much. Right now. Everything had finally come crashing in, seemingly all at the same moments. He and Felicity were over. William and Samantha were gone, most likely to never be heard from again. He'd hurt Barry too. Why hadn't Cupid just shot him in the heart with that arrow, certainly it would've been better than this pain. Fleetingly he thought about the gun in his drawer. Whoa. No. Too far. He needed to call his sponsor. The one he'd had after getting back from the island, it was a different kind of program, one that really nobody knew he was in. Shit. Another lie. He thought. Well not really since nobody knew about it, either way, it had been a support group for people with depression, or for people who had been through traumatic experiences that retired therapists and councilors were a part of, any time of day if any of the members needed to talk they could call their "sponsor" his sponsors name was Bethany, she was a kind woman in her late 40s who always had a smile on her face and never sounded pitying or condescending when Oliver talked to her. She kept his secrets and promised to take them to her grave. She was kind and he trusted her. And right now he needed to talk to her. He needed to talk to someone who wouldn't judge him and who would just listen. He fumbled for his phone on his bedside table. His vision blurred with tears he scrolled through his contact and closed his eyes as another sob was ripped from his throat as he tapped the call button and held it to his ear. He waited as it rang. Once, twice, three times, four times... She wasn't going to pick up. Fuck. Then the fifth ring was cut off by a groggy voice that didn't sound at all like Bethany's. 

“Hello?”

“Shit, who is this?” Oliver asked, trying not to sniffle and keep his voice strong,

“Oliver?” The voice questioned,

“Yes, it’s me, I’m so sorry, who is this, I misdialed,”

“It’s… Barry…” the person said between yawns, Oliver could’ve sworn his heart stopped at those words. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Of course. Just his luck.

“Barry.” He choked out,

“Yeah Ollie, is everything okay? It’s awfully late, why are you even awake?” He asked,

“It was just… just a late night, I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry I woke you up.”

Barry sat up in his bed, he’d stretched and was now more awake, his focus completely on the voice on the end of the line, there was something off about it. He listened carefully to the silence on the end of the line and heard sniffling? Was Oliver crying? Holy shit. What was going on?

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I misdialed, you… you just go on… back to sleep.” He was crying, it was obvious now, he heard the waver in the other man’s voice. He was trying his hardest to keep it steady, Barry’s heart suddenly ached for him, forgetting all he’d done to hurt him in the past weeks and suddenly wanting to reach out and once again do whatever he needed to make the other man feel okay. Because despite what he wished, he still loved the other man. And hearing him in pain was torturous.

“Ollie? Are you okay? Are you… are you crying? Do you need to talk to someone?” Oliver couldn’t help but let out a muffled cry,

“No, no, I’ll be fine, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to call… I’m really sorry.” Oliver’s voice came out with a pathetic croak to it, and once again, Barry heard the telltale sounds of muffled sobs on the other end of the line,

“No, Ollie, talk to me, it’s okay, don’t feel bad, you can talk to me, what’s going on?”

God, why was Barry being so _nice_ to him, he didn’t deserve it. Did the kid not remember how he’d treated him, Barry was cooing softly into the phone and encouraging Oliver to speak, “Come on Ollie, talk to me,” Oliver shook his head, his hands trembling as he pulled the phone away from his ear, his thumb hovering over the “End Call” button, but he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t hang up. His heart was breaking, and Barry’s voice was offering the perfect kind of comfort. He craved it, he knew he shouldn’t give in, knew it wasn’t what either of them deserved, but he couldn’t help himself, and with another choked off sob he said,

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… I just… everything… I fuck up every, single, thing. And someone always gets hurt and I just… someone should put me out of my misery, it would do a lot of good for the people around me.” Words were just spilling from his lips, his mind not even taking time to process them. He heard Barry sharply inhale.

On the other end of the line, Barry’s eyes widened, his heartrate picking up as he heard what Oliver said, fuck. No. Oliver better not be doing anything stupid.

“No! Ollie, listen to me, listen to my voice… don’t talk like that… god, don’t talk like that, you have made mistakes, that’s for sure, but you’ve done _so much_ good too… please… don’t do anything stupid… and don’t talk about yourself like that.” Barry’s voice trailed off into a sob of its own as he finished his sentence.

“I’m… I’m so sorry Barry… how can you… how can you be so nice to me… I… I hurt you so badly… I’m such a horrible person… how can you even stand to hear my voice right now?” Barry thought about it, choosing his words carefully,

“You did hurt me, but life is too short to hold grudges… and despite the fact that I wish I didn’t… like I told you… I still love you… I love you Ollie and even though I _know_ I shouldn’t, I can’t help the way I feel, and when people love someone, they aren’t just going to leave them in the dark, even if they’re angry beyond belief, you need someone right now, and I’m not going to leave you in your time of need.” Oliver couldn’t believe his ears, what the hell had he ever done to deserve someone like Barry? How had he not realized how amazing he was before?

“Now, do you want to tell me what happened? What caused all of this?” Oliver thought about it, he didn’t want to dump all his problems on Barry, but he needed someone to talk to, and the kindness that Barry was extending was too amazing to pass up,

“Felicity… she… she left… she said… she said we were over, for good, and to not call her, to leave her alone… she said she loved me… but that… but that we couldn’t be together… I thought… I really thought she’d come around eventually. I mean, I had to choose between her and William… it… it wasn’t fair, couldn’t she see that? Why didn’t she understand that? That is literally an impossible choice.” Barry felt his heart ache at the pain in Oliver’s tone, he was currently not a big fan of Felicity at the moment for making Oliver feel like this, because really, that was an impossible choice and Oliver never should’ve been put in that situation in the first place, he would’ve understood, and he and Felicity were virtually the same person, he didn’t understand how she could’ve just left Oliver like that. Did she not know what she had? It was her loss he thought to himself. Oliver continued to sniffle into the phone as the silence rolled between them as Barry thought,

“I’m so sorry Oliver… I’m so… so… so… sorry…” Barry thought hard on his next words, did he really want to do this? The answer was yes. He was going to do this, “Listen, I’ll be over in a half hour. You don’t have to stay awake, but I don’t want you to be alone tonight.”

“Barry –no, you don’t…” Barry cut him off,

“I want to.” Barry said, and Oliver didn’t fight him on it. The next moment, the dial tone sounded in his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barry would never leave Ollie alone, the story is going to really pick up from here, thank you for sticking with me this long!


	10. Beautiful and Burning Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prettymchjustsmut...

_ ~Well there's nothing to hide and nothing to prove. Give me all that you are. You've got nothing to lose. Just don't let me be lonely~ _

  
_ "Don't Let Me Be Lonely" -The Band Perry _

  
Oliver buried his face back into his pillow, trying with no success to cry himself out before Barry got there. He really didn't want to be such a mess when Barry got there. Barry had dealt with him breaking down once already and he shouldn't have to deal with it again. Despite the fact that he knew Barry wouldn't care. Oliver lied there, turned on his side, silent tears still tracing their way down his face, the occasional sniffle escaping as well. He had almost managed to nodd off when he heard a loud crackle and the sound of a gust of wind. Blinking he turned. And there Barry stood. His face illuminated by the moonlight and the city lights which shined through the large glass window. Barry stood there. Head tilted as he examined Oliver in front of him. He let out a breath and moved foreword his voice quiet as he spoke gently.

"God Ollie... What did she do to you?" He hadn't meant for the words to slip out. But they were out before he could stop them. And his feet and limbs were moving of their own accord as they propelled him towards the bed. He cupped Oliver's face and wiped the tears away with the pads of his thumbs. Oliver tried to pull away from his grip.

"Ollie..." Barry said.

"Don't. Please. Don't." Barry let go of him immediately. Standing there with his hands by his side. Biting his lip. Bouncing on the balls of his feet. He should've thought this out.

"Ollie... Talk to me. What's going through that head of yours. This isn't your fault. This whole thing with Felicity. You can't blame yourself." Oliver looked up at him and gave a humorless laugh,

"Oh yeah, and how'd you figure that out?"

Barry sat down on the bed and took Oliver's hand,

"Look at me when I say this to you, Oliver sniffed a few more times before tentatively meeting Barry's honey speckled emerald colored eyes.

"You never. Never. Never ever. Ever. Should've been put in that situation in the first place. Sure, it's your fault that you didn't use protection and had a kid, but you shouldn't have been forced to hide it. It wasn't right for Samantha to put you in that position. It would've been fine for her to ask you not to tell people but she should've let you tell Felicity. It wasn't fair for her to make you chose between your girlfriend and your son. I mean what the hell was the point of that even? It's not like she did it out of jealousy. There would've been no harm in letting you tell Felicity. I know she would've kept it to herself. And it's her fault that she can't understand and get passed this because sure, you have a kid, an awesome kid. It's kind of a shock, but once she heard of the situation you'd been put into she should've understood. She shouldn't be putting this all on you and blaming you for the fact that your relationship didn't work. It's her fault too. She couldn't get passed it. And she lost you. Te greatest man that she's ever gonna get," Barry said with a light chuckle trying to get Oliver to smile. Oliver blushed and shook his head at Barry's words,

"I don't know, I think when she walked away from you she walked away from the best man she might ever have gotten..." Oliver looked up, their eyes meeting.

"You are so much better than me. You are so much better than most people on this earth. Life has dealt you a shitty hand and you would have every right to be bitter and cynical about it. But you are so full of love and life and you're.... You're too good for this world. And I don't know what the hell I've done in my past lives to deserve someone like you in this one."

"Oliver, you are amazing too. We have all made mistakes but they don't... They don't define us." They were practically nose to nose, Barry could feel Oliver's breath fanning over his lips and flowing into his mouth as he opened it to speak. Oliver's hand came up to his face and his fingers brushed lightly against his cheek.

"Please... Believe me when I tell you that you are an amazing guy. You certainly have made your share of mistakes and you have hurt people before. But that doesn't make you a horrible person. It makes you human..." His words were cut off by a pair of soft warm lips. His eyes closed as he melted into them. Moaning softly as a tongue prodded at his lips asking for entrance. Barry wanted to pull away. Knew he should pull away. But this. This was what he'd dreamed it would be like. Gentle. Long. Sweet. Passionate. Oliver was really putting his all into this kiss and Barry was taking it willingly. He brought his hands up to frame Oliver's face as Oliver's fingers tangled into his hair and his tongue pressed its way into his mouth. Barry closed his eyes and followed his body. His hands began groping at the older man everywhere he could reach. Oliver in turn stroked his fingers through Barry's hair rougher, letting his fingers dip to the back of Barry's neck and tease the patch of soft hair and skin there that he knew made Barry shiver every time it was touched. Their kiss still hadn't broken. Oliver took Barry's hands in his own and began trailing them along his sides. Showing Barry that he wanted to move things along. Barry moaned and broke the kiss. Nuzzling against Oliver's jaw before slipping his hands around to Oliver's chest. His palms placed flat right above his toned pecks. Barry's hands were cold and they caused Oliver to shiver from the touch. Barry's eyes bore into Oliver's.

"Wait...Barry..."

"No, I want this. I do. I know you might not feel the same. But... I still want this. I need it. God Oliver. Please... Don't make me beg..." Oliver knew. He knew he probably shouldn't give in. He didn't want to make Barry feel like a rebound. Sure he liked him he did and he was open to seeing where things could go with them but was sleeping together the smartest thing to do when just starting off? Surely not... But Barry was looking up at him through his pretty long eyelashes and biting his lip in the most sinful manner and Oliver couldn't resist. Without another word, Oliver took Barry back into his arms and kissed him hard, he backed him up against the wall of the loft and pressed into him tantalizingly. His warmth covering the younger man completely. Barry moaned and fell into the kiss. Oliver pulled away and lifted Barry's t-shirt. Barry let him strip it off before he pulled him foreword again. Pressing their chests together. Oliver kissed into his hair as Barry hugged him close. Just relishing in the feel of their bodies pressed together. Barry pulled away and before Oliver could pull him up to capture his lips again he felt the warmth of lips on his chest. Trailing down between his pecks lightly. Oliver gasped.

"God. Bare..." Oliver moaned. Barry hummed softly and then tweaked one of his nipples. "Fuck!" Oliver. Cursed. Barry laughed and replaced his fingers with his tongue. Not waiting a moment to let Oliver catch his breath. Before he began sucking at the nipple. Oliver writhed up into Barry's mouth and his back arched up off the bed. Barry smirked and nibbled lightly at the rosy pink bud before coming back up to kiss Oliver's lips. Oliver heaved. Catching his breath. His senses completely on overdrive. He smiled down at Barry who was now resting on his chest. Smiling up at him smugly. He took that moment to take control. Flipping their positions and planting another passionate kiss on the younger mans lips. Barry hummed softly and pulled away after a few moments.

"I want to... I... How far do you want to go?" Oliver asked. Rethinking his statement. Barry looked up at him with wide, innocent, vibrant eyes, he licked his already pink lips, moistening them even more salmon colored tongue flickering out, causing Oliver to gulp.

"As far as you want to take me." He said sincerely. Barry knew he was all in and far beyond gone. There was no returning from this and he knew it was going to hurt like hell when they went their separate ways in the morning. But he couldn't, he just couldn't, get himself to care. Oliver was here now. Offering to love him like he'd always wanted and his resolve was worn. Oliver's lips attached themselves to his again and slowly but surely he stripped Barry of his trousers and Barry stripped him of his as well, they ground against each other in a tantalizing motion. Cocks hard and leaking through their boxers. Barry was panting into Oliver's mouth,

"I need you..." He said.

"And you'll get to have me Mr. Speedy... Just wait. I don't want to rush this time..." Oliver flipped their positions again and began kissing down Barry's neck. Sucking lightly and biting where he knew he was sensitive, he trailed kisses down his right shoulder all the way down to his hands, Barry's breaths came in and out labored as Oliver's lips continued their gentle assault. Oliver got down to his hand and kissed right down his middle finger. Taking his hand gently in his own and then pressing light kisses to the pads of each of the other fingers before zeroing in on his index and middle finger and swiping his tongue across the pads of them.

"I'm going to get these all wet and then I want you to start opening yourself up for me okay?" Barry nodded. Eyes glazed over in pleasure.

"Okay..." He said with another shiver. Oliver then took them into his mouth. Sucking them languidly and swirling his tongue around them in slow strokes. He pulled off. Strings of saliva connecting his mouth and Barry's fingers. Barry's pupils were blown wide and as Oliver's hands came back down to his hips to tuck his thumbs into the waistband of his underwear, Barry vibrated slightly. Oliver gasped. That had never happened before but it was beautiful.

"You like that baby?" All Barry could do in reply was moan. Oliver pressed a kiss to his right hipbone and then to his left before he slid his briefs down to free his hard and leaking member. Barry whimpered and keened, lifting his lower half off the bed and sliding the slicked up hand behind himself to trace around his puckered entrance. He didn't take his time like he usually would, knowing that there would be pain but not caring in the slightest at the moment. Desperate to get himself open enough to take Oliver. He shoved his pointer finger inside and moaned out, his eyes squeezing shut in pain as he tried to get used to the stretch.

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay..." Oliver said. Massaging over his hipbone with a gentle hand.

"Fuck Oliver..."

"Don't hurt yourself sweetheart," he said. Barry meweled in response. And bucked up into his touch.

"You want me to touch you while you open yourself up?" He asked.

"Please..." Barry choked out.

"Okay... Shhh." Oliver hushed him and moved away from him for a moment. Causing Barry to whine at the loss of contact,

"I'm coming back babe." Oliver said. And Barry wriggled in response on the bed.

Oliver came back over to the bed.

"Lube?" He asked. And Barry nodded. Pulling out his fingers and holding them up to Oliver. Oliver smirked devilishly and wrapped his mouth around them again. Barry choked on the moan that was ripped from his own throat as he watched Oliver lick his taste off of his fingers.

"Fuck..." He whimpered. Bucking up, needing more contact. Oliver smiled and pulled off of Barry's fingers with a resounding pop. Barry heard the click of a lid and he opened his eyes to see Oliver pouring the lube into his fingers. He canted his hips up again immediately pressing his fingers back to his crack and sliding them both inside at the same time. The lube helped tremendously. The slide now much easier and pleasurable. Oliver watched for a few minutes as Barry worked himself on his own fingers. Barry slowly started out with short slow thrusts, before gradually picking up the pace and fucking himself with his fingers in earnest, scissoring them and grinding back on them as well. Oliver reached forward finally and grasped Barry's cock with his own slicked up hand. Barry's eyes shot open immediately and he gasped. Pupils still blown wide.

"Oh shit Ollie!" Barry's mouth fell open as he threw his head against the pillow. And fingered himself even harder. Oliver couldn't keep the smirk off his face as he watched Barry rock into his fist and moan. Totally unabashed and wanton.

"Will you... Will you..." Barry couldn't even get the words out he was so strung out and desperate.

"You ready for me?" Oliver whispered. Barry nodded and whined Oliver moved away from him again, this time to retrieve a condom, he slid it onto his rock hard member, he'd long ago discarded his own boxers and was now dying with anticipation to be inside the younger man. He came back over to Barry an yanked his form down the bed. Barry gasped and keened again as Oliver roughly spread his legs open.

"Fuck me!" He pleaded.

"Shhh, I will."

"Ollie please... Please... I need to feel you." Barry was on the edge of coming right then and there.

"I'll fuck you after you blow me." As soon as the words were out of his mouth he found himself on his back. A tight slick heat enveloping him and causing his hips to jerk upwards violently involuntarily but Barry just smirked around his mouthful and hummed as he took more of the older mans length in. Oliver's eyes literally rolled back into his head as he watched the scene, Barry taking him down to the root and swirling his tongue before pulling of and paying special attention to the tip and the thick vein on the underside before taking him down again and hallowing out his cheeks, stroking the part he couldn't fit in without deep throating with his hands a few times before trailing his hands down to Oliver's balls an massaging them as well. That was it. Oliver was gone. Oliver had died and gone to heaven. He was sure. He'd never gotten a blow job as good as this one, and yes, he had plenty of previous experiences to compare to. More than he'd like to admit to at the moment. But no one even came close to Barry. God... He vaguely registered Barry pulling off of him. The cool air hitting his cock and causing it to become even more sensitive. He was fairly drunk on the pleasure at the moment. The moments of desperation that would usually cause him to be rough and impatient before an orgasm had passed and now he was right on the edge. So drunk with pleasure that even the act of moving might cause him to tip over the edge. The muscles in his body tense in order to stave off his impending release. He wanted, no needed to be inside Barry when he came. He opened his mouth to voice this request but nothing but a pitiful whimper came out. He heard Barry chuckle above him. His laughter sounding far off. And then... Fuck yes. Barry was sinking down on him again. This time enveloping his dick inside the tight heat of his ass. Oliver's hands moved to Barry's hips as Barry shifted. Getting used to the feel of Oliver inside him. Oliver wished he was more alert for this. He tried his best to take Barry in, but his eyes were forced to slam shut when Barry clenched around him. He groaned loudly and bucked his hips upwards. Above him he heard Barry hiss and groan as well but before he could check to make sure he was okay, Barry was moving on top of him and his question was swallowed by another loud moan.

Barry was panting as he worked himself on Oliver's cock, his ass was flush with Oliver's thighs and pelvis and he was filling him up so well. Ripping him apart in the most amazing way. Barry kept his hands at his sides. Fists clenched as he first started riding the older man. His hands found their way to Oliver's chest, palms flat trailing up to his shoulders and resting there lightly. He felt Oliver grab a hold of his hips and he shivered and clenched again. Oliver's hold on his hips helping aid him in his movements. His pace quickened within the next few minutes. He was full out bouncing on Oliver's cock when he finally found the courage to speak again. It had been only the sound of skin against skin and the occasional moan since Oliver had asked him to blow him.

"You feel so amazing..." He breathed. Oliver and replied in a low gravely voice.

"You do too..." Oliver bit his lip to keep from crying out as Barry began to go even faster. He was bouncing on his cock now with enthusiastic fervor. Head thrown back, sweat dripping from his own brow as he gripped Oliver's shoulders with various amounts of pressure. It was the hottest thing he'd ever seen. The arch of Barry's back was beautiful, his toes curled in the bedsheets and his feet quivered against Oliver's sides his abs flexing with each inhale and exhale, his cheeks flushed and expression one of nothing but pure pleasure. Oliver grunted. Knowing for a fact that he'd cum any second and he wanted the chance to be face to face with Barry, as close as they could be, mouth to mouth when it happened.

"Stop, stop... Wanna flip positions." Barry whined and slowed to a reluctant stop on his cock, Oliver maneuvered them quickly, impressively not pulling out, so that Barry was underneath him, legs wrapped around his chiseled, scarred and muscled form.

"Fuck Barry... I'm going to cum..."

"Yes... God... Fuck. Me too... Please. Fuck me harder Ollie... I wanna come. I wanna feel you come too." Barry babbled. Oliver picked up the pace of his thrusts. The pace becoming brutal, he shifted them again, hitching Barry's legs even farther up on his waist, his hands coming to kneed the soft round globes of Barry's ass. The new angle had him pounding into Barry's prostate repeatedly... And with that, Barry screamed... A high pitched sound that no one had ever managed to make him make before. Especially not in a situation like this...

"FUCK! Fuck! Oliver! Oh my god... Oh my fucking God..." He was vibrating in Oliver's hold, his ass clenching sporadically around Oliver's dick and Oliver was gone. He came into the condom with one last deep thrust. Buried deep inside the younger man who shot his own load between the two of them. Oliver pulled away. Panting and sweaty, he slipped out of Barry and tied off the condom. Barry lied there completely spent. His body trembled and jerked as he came down from the most intense orgasm he'd ever had before and he was pretty sure he'd ever have. Oliver came back to him, pulling out tissues from the box in the bedside drawer, wiping Barry's cum off of himself and then Barry as well before balling the tissue up and throwing it in the wastebasket where he'd disposed of the condom before coming back over to Barry and placing gentle kisses all over him as he finally stopped quivering. Oliver could feel the speedsters heart beating in his chest. Much faster than it would even at its normal inhuman pace and he was momentarily worried. But Barry looked okay, and he was responding by gently stroking the top of his head as he kissed back up his body, nudging at his neck when he got near enough for him to lean up to kiss him again. Oliver was more than happy to comply with the request. His mouth finding Barry's again. Their lips melding perfectly as they kissed lazily. Oliver pulled away and pressed his forehead to Barry's. Barry smiled at him lazily.

"Sleep..." Barry mumbled. Oliver chuckled.

"Yes, you can sleep."

"Will you be here?" Barry asked quietly, Oliver want even sure if Barry was coherent enough to know what he was saying as he snuggled deeper into the bed. Oliver pressed a kiss to his temple and whispered

"Yes... Now sleep... I'll be here. I won't leave you..." He stroked his fingers through Barry's hair and added as an afterthought, "Not this time." As Barry quickly fell to sleep. Clearly exhausted. Oliver watched him for a few more minutes his own eyelids drooping quickly. He'd worry about the logistics of things in the morning. He didn't want to ruin what had been An amazing g experience by thinking of reality just yet. And if that made him selfish, so be it. It was already relevant how selfish he was. This one last act wasn't going to change anything. He needed a good sleep anyway and right now he felt like he could get it, lying here beside this stunning man who he didn't deserve in the slightest. But he'd let himself believe he did. Just for tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... That was basically just smut. Hope you enjoyed it! Next few chapters are going to be critical. And things are going to get much worse before they start to get better... But I hope you enjoyed the smut for now!


	11. Long Stretch of Love: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after doesn't go as badly as Barry thought it would.

_~ But I don't ever wanna break this chain_  
I don't ever wanna walk away  
Cause I ain't ever gonna find another lover  
Make me feel this way~

_“Long Stretch of Love” –Lady Antebellum_

 

Barry cracked one eye open, it took a moment for things to settle into focus, the light from the window shining in on him… and wait a minute. Since when did he have a window capable of shining that much light into his room? Was he at the labs? No…wait a minute, he shifted, suddenly noticing that he wasn’t alone, a warm presence at his back. He shifted, and felt the presence behind him do the same. Blinking he turned his head, looking at who was beside him, it was Oliver. With a long inhale and a close of his eyes the memories of the previous night came back to him. Holy shit! It all had been real… and Oliver… Oliver had stayed… like he’d promised.

“Good morning…” Oliver said, pressing his lips to Barry’s neck and placing soft kisses there as he mumbled the greeting. Barry arched so that Oliver would have better access and hummed contently.

“Ollie… you stayed…” Oliver pulled away, looking dejected as he stared straight into Barry’s face,

“Of course I did… I’m sorry I left the first time… and there’s no amount of apologizing that’s going to make it okay… but I wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice…” Oliver leaned forward and kissed him hard, Barry reached up to cradle his head as he reciprocated the kiss enthusiastically, allowing Oliver to kiss him back down to the bed and press him into the pillow.

“You are so beautiful…” Oliver said, after pulling away, still keeping he and Barry nose to nose. Barry blushed, looking down through his lashes like he didn’t believe him, which he didn’t.

“I mean it… you are stunning…” He kissed his forehead again, and the two lied in silence, simply holding each other.

“Please… don’t say that.” Barry said finally,

“Why? It’s true.” Oliver tried to lean in to kiss him again but Barry turned.

“You have no right to say it… this was nothing but a one night stand.”

“Um, considering that this is the second time we’ve done this, it’s not exactly a one night stand, hence the one,” Oliver said, Barry rolled his eyes and shoved Oliver lightly,

“You know what I mean, you have no right to say it… you’re my friend, friends don’t tell friends they’re beautiful, especially not their guy friends.” Barry scrunched up his nose at that,

“I’m pretty sure Cisco has called you beautiful before,” Oliver said,

“In a joking manner… you were serious… you have no right to say things like that about me. Not when we’re just going to go our separate ways again and you’re going to pretend this never happened.”

“What if I don’t want that this time…” Oliver said quietly.

“I don’t know, this was just… well, another fucked up attempt at comfort wasn’t it… what else am I supposed to think?”

Oliver sighed, “I don’t blame you for thinking that, but what if I told you that this time it wasn’t just for comfort, but because I really did like you and I really, really, would like to see where this goes, I know asking you this is the last thing I deserve, but if I don’t… I just… I need to know that I tried. Barry… you’re amazing and let me make it clear to you that this is _not_ me using you as a rebound… I understand if you don’t want to, but if you’d let me… I would… I would love to take you out on a proper date… tonight, dinner, wherever you want. It can be as casual or as fancy as you’d like… I just want to spend more time with you and give you a chance to see that I mean it when I say that I want you… and that I want to give this a try.”

Barry sat there, still in Oliver’s arms, not meeting his eyes, contemplating the offer.

“Change the day and give me some time to think about it… and maybe… okay?” He felt Oliver squeeze him tightly,

“Yes, anything you want… god, I know this isn’t easy… just… anything you want… will you at least let me take you out for breakfast? Coffee, doughnuts, after we get showered and dressed? Just as friends for now if you don’t think you want more, just… I just… I’m not ready to let you go home yet.” Barry couldn’t help but smile at the blush that covered Oliver’s face, he reached up with his hand to bop Oliver on the nose lightly with his index finger,

“You’re adorable when you blush, and only an idiot would turn down free coffee and doughnuts.” Barry said, rolling out of Oliver’s arms and sitting up at the edge of the bed. Oliver stayed where he was, watching the sheet fall from around Barry’s shoulders and pool at the small of his back, his muscles flexing deliciously as he reached down to pick up his boxers and then stand up, perfect ass coming into view and making his mouth water as Barry slowly slid his underwear up his legs. Barry felt eyes on him and turned his head, a cocky smirk coming to his face that he was pretty sure he hadn’t worn since high school,

“I know you’re staring, enjoy the view, it might be the last one you get, I don’t know yet,” Barry winked and began to gather his clothes from the floor,

“You got anything I can wear?”

“Probably so, I’ll check.” Oliver stood up from the bed, his toned scarred body on display. He walked, stark naked, morning wood evident, still half hard, with his balls heavily swinging between his legs, unabashed towards the chest of drawers at the front of the room, Barry couldn’t help but gawk at his completely unashamed behavior. Oliver turned around and tossed a pair of skinny’s and a familiar looking star labs shirt at him,

“Hey, these are my clothes,” Barry said, “How’d you get them?”

“You left him at the HQ, I don’t remember when, but I guess I just forgot to give them back.” Barry rolled his eyes,

“Whatever, I’ll be out in a few minutes.” He said turning towards the bathroom.

\--

Barry and Oliver walked hand and hand down a side street. Oliver’s baseball cap pulled low over his face with sunglasses shielding his eyes. Barry didn’t mind the semi-disguise Oliver was wearing, he understood that it would be bad for Oliver to be seen holding hands with someone knew so soon after his breakup with Felicity was announced, which once again, reminded him that this whole situation was beyond crazy and he really needed to think things through before he let himself get even more carried away.

“Here we are!” Oliver said, stopping in front of a small brick shop and pulling the door open, Barry looked up to see the name of the place, Oliver had boasted after Barry had agreed to coffee that the place he was going to take him to had even better coffee than Jitters, and Barry had been eager to see if it was true. He highly doubted it, but was still curious.

 _“Nocking Point”_ read the sign, and arrow underneath it that had a vine wrapped around it and coiling around the last “t” as well. Barry furrowed his brow and looked at Oliver in question,

“It’s a coffee shop and bakery by morning and a salad/wine bar by night, pretty cool huh? The owners are a couple I know, wife is a dedicated and prize winning baker and coffee enthusiast and the husband comes from a long line of winemakers.” Oliver explained, Barry nodded, entering the shop, still skeptical on how good the coffee was actually going to be.

“Why don’t you go find us a booth while I get the coffee and breakfast?”

“You know my coffee order?” Barry asked in surprise, Oliver smiled, taking off his glasses and clipping them to the front of his black v-neck.

“Mocha breve, double shot of espresso?” Oliver asked, a glint in his eyes, Barry nodded and blushed, fumbling with his hands,

“You know mine, but I don’t know yours,” He said shyly,

“Easy, Americano, nothing special,” Oliver stepped forward again and placed a kiss on Barry’s forehead before giving him a playful swat on the ass and pushing him towards the seating, Barry smiled to himself as he went to find a table. He chose one towards the back, away from the windows, with an extra wall acting as a double booth chair combo which would allow for Oliver to sit and face him and not have to wear his disguise which would be nice since this was a “date” after all. He took a seat in the chair and let his mind wander while he waited for Oliver to get back with the food and drinks. What the hell was he doing? This was stupid. He _knew_ that this was only going to end in heartache, but he _couldn’t_ get himself to think with his brain and not his heart, no matter how hard he tried. His brain was screaming at him, in a voice that sounded annoyingly like Harrison’s _“run Barry, run, run the other way, now!”_ but his heart was telling him that things had a chance of working out, that Oliver wouldn’t have asked him out on this “date” if he didn’t actually want to get to know him. He should give him a chance. There was no reason not to, Oliver had been faithful the Felicity the whole time he’d been with her to his knowledge, and the same when he’d been with Sara briefly after the island before that, although he was pretty sure they were more of a friends with benefits kind of thing, but still. Oliver had treated them both well, so why wouldn’t he do the same for him, sure, he might still be harboring slight feelings for Felicity, but if he hadn’t wanted to get over her, he wouldn’t have asked him out. Right? Barry nodded to himself, yes that was right. Oliver obviously wanted to at least get to know him better, so why shouldn’t he let him? There’s no harm in just getting to know each other. No harm at all. He didn’t have time to contemplate things any farther, for Oliver had come back and set a cup down in front of him and was sliding into the booth opposite of him. Barry smiled up at him, possibly a little too brightly, but Oliver didn’t seem to notice as he slid a box onto the table along with his own coffee, he gestured to it,

“Didn’t know what you wanted, besides, I figured you’d just eat it all anyway so I got a bit of everything.” He explained, Barry curiously open the box and peered inside, wow. Oliver really had gotten a bit of everything. Two cinnamon rolls, four doughnuts, four croissants, two strawberry strudels that looked exceptionally flaky and delicious, a cup of yogurt topped off with strawberry jelly a strawberry and some blueberry’s and nuts, two poppy seed bagels, and four muffins, two blueberry and two double chocolate. Barry’s eyes sparkled at the goods, Oliver couldn’t help but laugh at his expression, Barry reached in and took one of the strudels out, immediately stuffing it in his mouth and chewing before he grabbed for a muffin and a cinnamon roll to do the same with those, he reached for the second strudel, in a trance, he hadn’t realized how hungry he was until the food had been in front of him, and lifted it to his lips, taking a bite, his cheeks puffed out already full of food, but he was still so hungry. As he finished off that strudel and was about to reach for a doughnut his eyes flicked up to see Oliver with his head thrown back, hand on his stomach, laughing so hard that tears were coming to his eyes, the world around him came back into focus and the sound of Oliver’s laughing, that was actually borderline cackling now, flowed into his ears and he paused in his frenzy of stuffing his face.

“Whof?” he asked, blushing when he spit a few crumbs out and immediately covering his mouth to finish chewing and swallowing. Oliver gasped, trying to catch his breath, wiping the tears that had begun to form in his eyes away,

“You…you…” Oliver started laughing again, as Barry tilted his head in confusion. “You… god… the way you were eating… jeez, you didn’t even hear me talking to you… god you’re so fucking cute.” He exclaimed, Barry blushed, looking down at himself seeing the array of crumbs and a glob of strawberry jelly on his shirt, his fingers were sticky and holy shit… he’d been eating like some sort of pig. In front of _Oliver_ on their _date._ What the hell had he been thinking? He was suddenly horrified, shit.

“I-I’m so sorry… god, I’m such a pig, I’m so sorry!” He exclaimed, reaching for a napkin with shaking hands and almost tipping his cup of coffee off the table, Oliver caught it though and it only managed to slosh out of the sides a bit, but Oliver didn’t seem to mind, righting the cup and then taking a napkin for himself to clean his hand off.

Barry was furiously wiping off his own face and brushing off the crumbs from his shirt and lap, his face was bright red from embarrassment, and once he finished he balled up the napkin and set it to the side on the table, stuttering out more apologies, Oliver watched him fondly, deciding to finally put him out of his misery and speak up,

“Barry, Barry look at me,” Barry looked up at him quickly, cheeks still brightly colored.

“It’s okay, I thought it was adorable, you were just so hungry, it was cute. Don’t be embarrassed, here, let me help you,” Oliver reached forward with his hand and cupped the side of Barry’s face, his thumb swiping across the crevice of the corner of his mouth, wiping away one spot of strawberry jelly and frosting that he’d missed, he pulled his hand away and sucked his thumb into his mouth just to see what Barry’s reaction would be, and he certainly wasn’t disappointed, the younger male’s eyes practically bugged out of his head and his face turned so red that it was beginning to look purple. Oliver smirked devilishly and Barry realized that he was purposely teasing him. He scowled and gave Oliver a playful kick under the table,

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, you’re just too easy to tease.” He said with a chuckle, Barry pouted and crossed his arms, reaching over for his doughnut and putting a fux angry expression on his face as he turned away from Oliver in indignation, Oliver rolled his eyes,

“You are such a drama queen.”

“I prefer drama king, considering that’s what I was crowned in my middle school drama club,” Barry said, Oliver’s interest was peaked,

“You did theatre?” He asked,

“Yes, I was also in community theatre through high school and I was the captain of my show choir my junior how choir in high school, I was offered a full ride to Julliard in NYC but didn’t take it because I wanted to come back to Central and study forensics and be close to my dad.”

“Where were you before then?” Oliver asked with a tilt of his own head, Barry sighed, turning back towards him, popping the last piece of his doughnut in his mouth and taking a sip of his coffee before he launched into his past, high school and middle school had been rough for him, and he wasn’t exactly proud of what he’d done when he’d been at Dalton under an alias, but it had allowed him to survive after the hell of what his first two years had been.

“I was in Ohio with family of Joe’s, they sent me there after I continued to get bullied at CCH, my dad was on trial then and it was really hard for me, I was still in that phase where I couldn’t let the things that kids said roll off my back, I had to defend him every time someone spoke up and it got me beat up pretty bad. At times, Joe was worried so he sent me to Ohio to go to a private school with a no-bullying policy after I got beat so bad that I almost had permanent brain damage. It was called Dalton, and they had a long standing fairly legendary show choir, and I auditioned, apparently killed it, and was pretty much made captain immediately, their old captain, Blaine, had just transferred schools to be with his boyfriend and they were kind of lost without him.”

 Barry couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the name to this day, he and Blaine had made up long ago, but the guy still made him cringe with his fucking bowties and ridiculously gelled hair, Broadway career, perfect husband and 2.5 kids/white picket fence life that he’d gotten.

“I went by Sebastian Smythe, Joe didn’t want me to have the same last name as my dad, just in case someone had heard of the case, which was doubtful, but still not impossible. And he didn’t want me getting shit for it. Back then, I was a completely different person, after getting beat up so much I had put up these walls, a hard exterior and a ruthless personality to match, I was an asshole, if I had been face to face with me back then, I would’ve probably taken a moment to appreciate my own wit before I knocked myself flat on my ass because god damn, I was the _worst_ and I’m not afraid to admit it. I’m not proud of who I was then, but it was the only way I knew how to survive.”  Barry’s expression had turned faraway, and Oliver didn’t like it. Barry looked dejected over telling him all this and he just wanted to make him feel better, he reached forward with a tentative hand and placed his over Barry’s which was sitting on the table,

“Barry?” He said. Barry couldn’t meet his eyes, “Barry, you were just doing what you needed to do to survive, you were just doing what you thought would keep you from harm, and there’s no need to feel ashamed of putting your guard up and trying to protect yourself,”

“You don’t understand…” Barry said, his voice completely overtaken by sobs, “I was horrible…this guy… he attempted suicide because of me… _me._ I caused someone to feel that bad about themselves all because I was afraid… I was so wrapped up in myself I didn’t care… I didn’t care about anyone else.” Barry said. Oliver stood up and came over to Barry, kneeling down in front of him and pulling his hands from his eyes.

“Barry… there’s no way… you can’t blame yourself for something like that…”

“But-but it’s my fault… he just… all he did was ask me a simple question, he asked me how did he get a guy to like him, he was probably flirting with me, and looking back on things… if I hadn’t been such an asshole and took a second look, I might’ve flirted back… but I just… I just… he was kind of overweight and he wasn’t exactly my type, but he had a sweet smile, and… and…and I just shot back the first rude thing that came to my head. It was horrible… I told him that… he was about 100 pounds overweight, to quit waxing his eyebrows because he looked like Liberace, and then I told him to just stay in the closet because nobody was ever going to want someone like him,” Oliver had to bite his lip because really? Liberace, that was kinda funny, but the rest of it was no and it wouldn’t do to laugh at a satiation like this. “And the next thing I knew… I heard he’d tried to commit suicide… and the reports said that it had been the same night that I’d said that to him… he must’ve gone home and then… and then… done that. I just… what if he’d succeeded?” Barry was a mess now.

“Barry, listen to me, you can’t blame yourself for what happened, sure, what you said did _not_ help the matter, but you were obviously not the only one to blame, it’s not like you’d been bullying him for months up to this, there were obviously some serious other issues that lead up to it.”

“But still… I helped… and… god… What if he’d succeeded?”

“Well, he obviously didn’t from the way you’re talking, so don’t torture yourself with what if’s…” Oliver was still kneeling in front of him. His hands holding onto Barry’s, thumbs caressing the back of Barry’s hands in soothing circles. Barry sniffed and finally met his eyes, taking one hand away from Oliver’s to wipe away his tears.

“God… I’m so sorry… this… this wasn’t supposed to happen… fuck… how did we even get here? This is totally not first date conversation.” Oliver gave a small smile and reached up to wipe the tears from his other cheek away with the pad of his thumbs.

“It’s okay… you’re right this isn’t ideal first date conversation… but, well we haven’t been doing anything in the ideal way so I don’t mind… do you want to get out of here?” Barry nodded and Oliver stood up, closing the box of food and tucking it under his arm and taking the coffee in his other hand as he waited for Barry to gather himself and fall into step with him. They walked silently downtown, the streets were still fairly deserted, it wasn’t quite time for people to be up yet, it was only 7:20, Starling didn’t get busy until about 8:30, it seemed that everyone decided to come out and rush for their work at the same time in order to clock in at 9. Most of the jobs around here were 9 to 5 jobs.

“I’m sorry.” Barry said, after they’d been walking in silence for a while,

“I told you it was okay, you don’t have to apologize, never apologize for having feelings...” Oliver trailed off, debating whether he should say the next thing, in the end he decided he should and he spoke up, “Can I tell you something?” HE asked, and Barry looked at him to continue, Oliver side eyed him with a glint in his eye, “That comment about the guys eyebrows and looking like Liberace was pretty clever.” It took a moment, but a small quirk of Barry’s lips made him glad he’d decided to share.

“It was mean sure, but clever, if all of your insults were as clever as that one I bet you would’ve been able to give Cold a run for his money,” Barry couldn’t help but laugh out loud at that remark, he probably could’ve now that he thought about it, where did all that confidence go when he faced Snart, he wondered, god, if he just wore his Sebastian persona the next time he came head to head with the guy he’d probably knock him straight on his ass in surprise. He had a sharp tongue and could be ruthless when he wanted to be, but that really wasn’t him after all. That was Sebastian and after what had happened with Karofsky he didn’t like even thinking about being Sebastian anymore. Still, he appreciated Oliver trying to make him feel better.

“So, you mentioned theatre and show choir, I’m guessing that means you can sing, why haven’t I ever heard you?” Barry blushed at that comment,

“I don’t… I don’t really like to do it anymore… I’m pretty rusty after all, I mean it’s been a few years since I’ve done anything but karaoke occasionally,”

“Aw, come on, I bet you’re great, you were captain as you said, you had to have been good.” Barry smirked, a comment coming to his head,

“Hmm, maybe so, but I don’t sing for just anyone, and especially not on a first date, that’s more 5th or 8th date privilege… you know?”

“Is this you agreeing to go on another date with me?” Oliver asked hopefully, Barry shrugged,

“We’ll see.” They stopped, now in front of the train station, Barry looked up,

“So, I guess this is where we part,” He’d decided to take the train back, he didn’t have work that day and he’d accidentally ruined his shoes on the way here, the soul had gotten melted of when he’d skidded to a stop in front of a car after over shooting for Oliver’s apartment by about a mile. Oliver’s smile immediately turned into a frown as they stopped and he realized where they were. An idea came to his mind, but it was kind of ridiculous, so he was hesitant to voice it,

“Oliver?” Barry asked, when Oliver stared at him for a while still not saying anything or letting go of his hand.

“I want to come with you.” He blurted, before blushing a slight pink, Barry blinked,

“What?”

“I don’t want this to end yet… I know it’s crazy but… could I come with you? Continue this on the train? I mean… I really want to keep talking… its okay if you don’t want me to, you know what no, that was stupid, why did I even suggest it.”  He looked down at his shoes, Barry couldn’t help but smile, this was beyond adorable.

“Oliver… if you really feel like spending another four hours on a train, then by all means, I would love for you to accompany me, but that’s up to you, four hours is a significant chunk of your day, still, if you want to, I mean these rides are kind of boring as fuck, I would much rather run, but since I can’t this time,” Barry shrugged, and Oliver looked back up at him,

“Really?” Barry laughed,

“Well it’s up to you,” Oliver smiled and took Barry’s hand,

“Well let’s go, I need to get myself a ticket.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's really just a filler and part one of the big build up to the start of the real drama in the story. Yeah, you guys are probably thinking how much more dramatic can it get??? This chick is crazy. Well you're right I am, and don't underestimate how dramatic I will make things. There will be a fair amount of "filler" chapters throughout this story, but only because I hate dramatic stories that move so fast that they're unrealistic. For drama to unfold in a manner that's believable, there have to be times where things start looking up, and there have to be times where things are slowed down, otherwise it's just a jumble of sudden events that don't read well together in the end. So bear with me, and enjoy the fluff while it lasts. Because spoiler, it won't last long. ;)


	12. Long Stretch of Love: Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much another filler, I'll have more time to write next week though, more drama is coming up soon, thanks for sticking with me for now though.

"So, it's right up here," Barry pointed, and Oliver trailed along a few steps behind him. Their fingers were still interlocked and Oliver couldn't help but feel content in this moment. Barry hurrying him along, because he could never get places fast enough, but not leaving him behind, making sure their hands were clasped with every step. Barry stopped right beside the alleyway beside the precinct, so they weren't straight in front of the doors before turning to Oliver with a slightly dejected facial expression.  
  
"So. I guess this is it..." Oliver stood in front of him, biting his lip, debating what he should say.  
  
"So... About a second date?" Oliver questioned hesitantly, Barry tilted his head in contemplation and mulled over the question before finally answering after what felt like a millennium for Oliver, even though in truth it hadn't been more than a minute.  
  
"I still have a lot to think about..." Barry said with a sigh. Oliver nodded trying not to let the disappointment show, he had no right to be disappointed after all, he'd hurt Barry and he was lucky that he was willing to even consider things. "But today... Today was nice, and last night, last night, was kind of amazing." A slight blush tinged the younger male’s cheeks as he looked down at his shoes. “But I still need more time… I’m sorry…” Oliver was quick to speak up,

 

“No, don’t apologize, I understand, I’m lucky that you’re even giving me the time of day, I can wait for you to think things over.” Oliver reached forward tentatively and took Barry’s hand in his own, his thumb massaging over the back of it in soothing circles, their gazes holding each other’s intensely. A gust of wind blew down the street, causing Barry to shiver slightly and move forward towards Oliver, who always seemed to be radiating warmth, his cheeks were still tinged pink from blushing and Oliver was absolutely mesmerized.

 

“Can I kiss you?” Oliver asked, their faces now inches apart, instead of answering, Barry surged forward and caught Oliver’s lips with his own, Oliver’s hand came up to cup his face gently as he kissed back.  
  
\--

 

Across the street Iris was waiting for her coffee. She was late and on top of that the line at Jitters was out the front door, thankfully they had baristas stationed outside to line up orders, and they’d just taken hers, so hopefully things would move along soon. She was now left waiting, and with a sigh, she turned to lean against the outer window, it was too early for her to try to hold herself up. Plus, she hadn’t gotten her morning fix yet. Her eyes flicked across the street to the CCPD, and that’s when they caught the shape of a familiar figure approaching. She straightened up and almost called out, but then realized that they weren’t alone… they were with someone… holding that someone’s hand.

  
Was that Barry? No way! But who was that with him? She debated for a second not wanting to miss it if her name got called, not after waiting this long, but the line didn't seem to be going anywhere so she figured stepping away for a split second wouldn't do much harm. She took a few steps away. Frowning when Barry and his mystery man disappeared behind a bus that pulled up, she quickly moved to where she could see them again and squinted hard, the other man’s face wasn't in view, all she could see currently was the back of his head. Barry and the guy were facing each other, Barry had a wide grin on his face, one which Iris couldn't help but smile at. Her smile turned into a frown though as quickly as the man’s face came into view. No fucking way. Was that Oliver? But why? What the hell? Oh she and Barry would most definitely be discussing this. She scowled and debated just going on over and demanding answers right then and there, but then they were kissing and aw, that really was kind of adorable. Oliver didn't seem to be being rough with him, the way he'd cupped his face was rather endearing if Iris did say so herself. And oh my god, was Barry blushing that hard? His face was bright red all the way from across the street. She had to cover her mouth with a hand to stifle a laugh at the adorableness. Wait a minute. No. This was not adorable. Not at all. She reminded herself. Suddenly remembering the bruises she'd seen on Barry's body a while back. This was not okay. Oliver had been the one to leave those and now he was kissing Barry as if nothing had ever happened? As if he hadn't left him the morning after with a heartless note and in serious pain. Whatever was going on, was 100% not okay. And Iris was going to get answers. She'd leave them be for now, but by lunchtime she and Barry were going to be having a serious talk.  
  
\--

  
There was no telling how long they'd stayed in their lip lock, Oliver leaning Barry against the wall of the building, allowing his tongue to map out the inside of Barry's mouth. What a sight they must've been. Barry could only hope that none of his coworkers had noticed. They probably hadn't considering that he was 15 minted late already and they were all already inside, and if they were to exit, they used a door around back and not the front entrance. Still, the taunting wouldn't be very great to put up with, besides he doubted Oliver had wanted people to know. He'd simply got caught up in the moment and forgotten where they were. Barry has just clocked in and was no more than a foot away from the stairs, still lost in his own head, when someone's hand came down on his shoulder causing him to startle wildly. The person let go immediately, and Barry whirled around to see who it was, embarrassed to see that it was only Joe he blushed. Oh shit. What did he look like? Oliver had literally just frisked him up right outside, hands had been everywhere, was his hair a mess? Did he look like he'd just been thoroughly made out with? Did Joe know?! He was panicking now,  
  
"Barry? Barry, son? Are you okay, I didn't mean to startle you, are you with me?" Barry's breaths began to slow back to normal and his hearing came back into focus, he shook his head once and then blinked before answering,  
  
"What? Sorry, geez, I just... I didn't sleep much last night." He fumbled for words awkwardly, Joe squinted at him but didn't ask for details, and then began talking to him about a new case. Barry relaxed visibly and fell back into his normal routine, now fairly certain that Joe hadn't noticed anything nor did he suspect anything.  
  
\--  
  
Barry was whizzing around his lab, trying to get different results ready, reading through a number of case files and testing different evidence. The morning had been fairly slow and he'd used it to catch up on lab work. He stumble when he heard the door open and just barely managed to stop himself from toppling into his computer desk, when he heard Iris' voice.  
  
"You should be careful where you use that speed," she chided.  
  
"Iris!" Barry exclaimed, going over to hug her, she hugged him back and held up a large bag of food and a carrier of coffee.  
  
"I brought lunch," she said, Barry grinned widely.  
  
"You're the best!" He snatched took the bag and made his way over to his desk, pulling up a chair for Iris and clearing the papers he'd had spread out over it away so that they had a space to eat.  
  
"So..." Iris said, once she sat down, taking a long fry between her fingers and biting half of it, "I saw something interesting this morning..." She gave a dramatic pause, but Barry didn't pay much mind to it, Iris liked to play little things up,  
  
"I was getting my morning coffee at Jitters, and I happened to look down the street to see someone, someone who looked quite familiar, but I thought, there's no way. Because that familiar person was with another familiar person, and they were holding hands." Barry froze. His burger halfway to his mouth, mouth wide open ready to take a bite, his heart rate sped up, no way...  


"But there was no way it could've been the person I thought it was because the person they were with had apparently, according to them, broke their heart and left them like they meant nothing more to them than the dirt on the bottom of their boots a few weeks previously, so there was no way that they would've been walking down the street laughing happily and then making out, in public with them a mere few weeks later. Absolutely not." Iris was now glaring at Barry. Barry gulped, and looked down at his half eaten meal.

  
  
"Listen, I can explain."  
  
"Oh you better, start talking," she demanded.  
  
"He apologized." Barry said, by way of an answer. Iris banged a fist on the table, startling Barry,  
  
"And that makes it okay?!!! What the hell Barry? You're not that stupid! Even I know that!!!"  
  
"Iris, please, just calm down," Barry begged her, not wanting someone else to hear.  
  
"No! This is NOT okay, what the hell is going on?"  
  
"We slept together... Again, but it was different. It wasn't in anger... I mean I was trying to offer comfort, and I didn't see it going anywhere, but he said he wanted to see where things could go. He talked to Felicity. They're not together anymore... And he said... He said that he wanted to be with me, if I wanted to be with him too... I mean we'd have to go on a few dates before we decided if we actually wanted to be serious, and then it was up to me to decide... But I don't know, I mean, I've wanted him for what seems like...forever, don't you get that? The people I want usually don't want me back, and this time they do, and... You wouldn't give that up would you?" Iris looked at him, her face full of pity,  
  
"Barry..." She said.  
  
"You can't let yourself fall for this... His relationships never work out, Sara, Laurel, Felicity, and not to mention all the girls before that, you can't actually believe that this is going to work out. He cheated on Felicity with you basically, and then before that he cheated on Laurel with her sister, he's going to just let you down too, a tiger can't change his stripes. Trust me... I don't want you to turn out to just be another conquest you really love him. It's obvious, and you were such a mess a little while ago... I don't think I can see you like that again. Besides. If he just talked to Felicity, he must've JUST talked to her, how can he just jump into another relationship this fast? I mean the one he was in with Felicity was pretty serious, he probably still has feelings for her, and aren't they still working together! How can you trust him not to do something? I mean..." Barry was getting angrier with every word Iris spoke.  
  
"You don't know him!" Barry said, standing up abruptly and leering over here, lightning visible crackling in his eyes, Iris reared back, slightly afraid.  
  
"Barry I-"  
  
"No! You have no idea what the hell you're talking about, you weren't there, you didn't hear him, he meant what he said, he wants me, and I know he meant it. He was sincere,"  
  
"And when exactly did he tell this to you? After your sexscapade? When he was still high off endorphins? Let me guess, he mumbled it in your ear, while you were still tangled up in each other's arms, scantily clad with sheets?" At the end of her rant she let her voice taper off into a sarcastic dreamy stance, wide fake smile on her face as she finished off, before going right back to the unimpressed glare she'd been sporting earlier.  
  
"He wants me." Barry didn't really have anything else he could shoot back at her, doubts suddenly flooding his mind as his throat tightened. What if it really had only been the endorphins? But no, it couldn't have been, he sounded so sincere... Barry felt his eyes welling up with tears and he sniffed once audibly and quickly wiped them away before sitting back down. Iris who'd stood up as well, when things had gotten heated earlier, calmed down, her stance withering and her gaze becoming concerned as she reached forward for Barry,  
  
"Barry, I'm just trying to look out for you, you always dive into things head first, and when it comes to love, I know you fall hard, and I can't stand to see you hurt... It hurts me too. And I just.... I'm just trying to look out for you. Oliver, he's not a good guy Bare, you've gotta know that. You know what his reputation is like, and you can't possibly think that he's going to change, I mean obviously that's what Felicity thought would happen, but look where that's lead her. You can't, you can't get involved. Or at least not any more involved than you already are. Please don't get involved. I know you like him, but you can't do this to yourself. Please. Don't do this... You're only going to end up heartbroken." Barry sat looking at his food, no longer hungry and feeling completely dejected. Iris didn't know a thing, and here she was making him question himself. No. This wouldn't do. Iris hadn't been there, she hadn't heard him, she hadn't seen his face, there was no way Oliver was lying to him, and sure, there was always a risk of heartbreak, but that's what love was, he was going to be heartbroken either way, so he might as well give it a shot. So after taking a deep breath and composing himself he looked up at Iris, normally warm honey colored eyes, now blazing a bright orangish yellow, lighting once again cracklings as he spoke.  
  
"No." Iris stared at him confused, "No, you don't know, you don't know anything. You weren't there. Oliver meant what he said and I'm not going to let you or anyone else tell me otherwise. The reason he and Felicity broke up was because he didn't tell her he had a kid, I already know he has a kid, and considering that he already knows I'm the Flash and I know he's the Green Arrow, I don't see how there could be any other big secrets that he'd need to keep from me that could rip us apart. He's over Felicity, she broke his heart, and he wants to move on, and he's chosen me to do that with. If things don't work out, sure I'll be heartbroken but if I don't even try, I'll still be heartbroken as well. So why not at least give it a shot? You can't stop me, and if you're not going to respect my decision, then I don't want you in my life right now," Barry crossed his arms. His decision final. Iris's expression had once again turned stormy. She was frustrated beyond belief at Barry's stubbornness.  
  
"Fine then! I guess I won't be in your life, but when he breaks your heart, you won't have anyone to pick up the pieces..." Iris said, not knowing that he'd told Cisco,  
  
"I'll have Cisco," Barry shot back, Iris rolled her eyes,  
  
"Whatever," Iris said, she was already halfway across the room and nearing the door. Barry rolled his eyes and let her leave. Honestly not caring anymore. Oliver wanted him, things were going to work out, he'd show her.


	13. Long Stretch of Love: Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry gives Oliver an answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys! It's been over a month, and this chapter is really only a filler, but I've been really busy with the end of the semester and being sick, I'm better now but I'm trying to catch up on all my coursework. Updates will come more frequently once we get into mid June, I promise!

Barry flopped down in a chair, letting out a long sigh and spinning around lazily. Closing his eyes he reveled in the momentary silence, only the buzz of the various tech surrounding him. He’d become so relaxed that he didn’t even hear the footsteps of Cisco until he spoke up, startling him out of his trance. 

“Wow dude, you look beat, rough day?” 

“You could say that.” Barry answered, sitting up in the chair 

“Wanna talk about it?” Barry sighed, debating over if he really wanted to talk about it right now, deciding to hell with it, it would probably help clear his mind, 

“Please don’t be mad at me when I tell you this.” He said, Cisco raised an eyebrow, 

“What did you do to my suit?” Cisco asked, 

“Nothing’s wrong with the suit,” Barry couldn’t help but chuckle, after all this time, Cisco was still so damn protective of that suit. 

“It’s Iris…” he confessed. Cisco raised an eyebrow.

“I kind of…slept with Oliver again,” Barry confessed, his face turning bright red, Cisco’s eyes went wide at the admittance, but he didn’t say anything and waited for Barry to continue, wanting to hear him out before he decided to blow up at him.

“But this time it was different, we both wanted it, and it wasn’t just me trying to comfort him… he even rode back on the train with me and walked me to the precinct after we had breakfast together… it was really nice… but Iris saw us, he kissed me in front of the precinct before he left and she saw it… and wasn’t okay with it… she basically told me that if I continued pursing a relationship with him she didn’t want to hear from me again… and I just… I don’t know what to do. I like him… a lot. More than a lot actually, I’ve wanted this for so long… and now that he wants it too, I can’t just give it up because Iris thinks that it’s not going to work out. Sure, I might end up hurt, but it’ll be more agonizing if I spend the rest of my life wondering what might’ve been, but I can’t… I can’t stand to lose her. I don’t want to lose either of them.” Barry said. Cisco’s face softened as he listened to Barry pour his heart out, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of animosity towards Iris, how dare she back Barry into a corner like this, it wasn’t her place to tell Barry who he could or couldn’t date, and trying to make him chose was just selfish. 

“Dude that is seriously messed up, what the hell is wrong with her? She has no right to try to dictate who you want to be with, sure, I’m not all that fond of Oliver myself, and I can see why she’s wary, but trying to make you choose is low, and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life, dude, I’m with you, whatever you chose, and I’ll be here for you if things don’t work out. But seriously, if you want this and he does too, go for it, don’t let her stop you.” 

“Really?” Barry asked, 

“Really bro, if you can support me dating Lisa, then I can support you trying things out with Oliver, now go on, I can tell you’re just bursting to tell him the news, Central should hold up for an hour while you speed over, I can tell you’re too keyed up to use the phone, so go on, run it off.” Barry grinned widely, Cisco really was an awesome friend.   
Barry came to a rough halt at his doorstep, breathing heavily with his hands on his knees for a few moments before righting himself and then standing with a hand poised to knock, suddenly, the door was wrenched open rather violently and an arrow was pointed at him. Barry let out a rather embarrassing squeak and threw his hands up in surrender, it took a moment for Oliver to register who was standing at his doorstep but when he did his eyes went wide and he immediately withdrew his stance. 

“Barry!” 

“Hi… Ollie.” 

“Sorry, I just… I heard something and I wasn’t expecting anyone today, you can never be to careful around here…” Oliver shrugged, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, Barry’s features softened at Oliver’s confession, was Oliver really that on guard all the time? That was honestly a sad thought, but he could understand where the man was coming from, Star was a lot more dangerous than Central tended to be, even without metahumans. 

“So, um, this is a surprise, and I’m being incredibly rude, come on in.” Oliver stepped aside to let Barry into the loft, Barry smiled and stepped inside, Oliver closed the door behind him and then suddenly began babbling, 

“So, are you hungry? Thirsty? You probably ran all the way here, I really don’t have much at the moment, I’m sorry, but I can run out and get something if you want me to, I honestly wasn’t expecting to see you this soon, not that I didn’t want to, I mean I really have wanted to see you considering how we left things… but when you didn’t call or show up after a week I figured you just were taking your time which is fine, so I mean do you have an answer for me? No pressure, I mean that might not have even been why you showed up, is something wrong? Do you need me in Central? Things aren’t that busy here-” Oliver was hastily flitting through the kitchen looking for anything that he could offer the speedster, becoming increasingly embarrassed when all of his cupboards were literally bare. He really hadn’t kept much around the loft since Felicity had moved out, he’d really been avoiding the place as much as possible if he was honest, always going out to eat or eating leftovers from Dig & Lyla at the arrow cave on busy nights. Barry watched him, biting his lip to keep from laughing, he’d never seen Oliver this flustered and it was kind of adorable, when Oliver seemed to be getting frantic, he walked forward, coming to stand behind him and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Oliver only jumped a little at the touch before turning around to find Barry behind him, 

“Oliver… calm down, I’m fine, a water would be nice though, and no, I don’t need any help… I did want to talk to you about us though…” A moment of silence passed between the two, Barry gently ran his hands up and down Oliver’s arm in a soothing motion, Oliver took a deep breath and nodded, turning to grab a glass to fill with water for Barry. He handed it to him and he couldn’t help but smile as he watched Barry gulp down the whole thing in one go, before commenting, 

“That’s better, okay, now, about us…” Suddenly Barry looked unsure again, and Oliver raised his eyebrows waiting for him to continue, 

“What about us…” Barry fidgeted, not having thought out what exactly he was going to say. He took a deep breath and tried to get his thoughts together.

“So, Iris… she saw us, the other day when you dropped me off, she saw us kissing, and needless to say after the first time, she’s not too keen on me being with you, but I don’t care. I don’t care because I want you, I’ve wanted you for a long time now, and I know this has the potential to end up in disaster but I can’t get myself to care, I want to try this, so yes… I’ll go out with you.” Oliver couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face, 

“Really?” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he knew it was a long shot after all he’d done to Barry and he knew it was the last thing he deserved, but damn if he wasn’t going to take this chance and run with it, 

“Okay, so when are you available? I can probably be available any time this week, the rest of the team can handle any Arrow business, but I know you don’t exactly have the same option,” Oliver blushed, realizing that he’d begun talking fast again and was close to rambling territory, god, what the hell was with this kid, all it took was one look from Barry for him to turn into a bumbling mess, he’d never been like this with Felicity, with Felicity he’d always been fairly suave and confident, but Barry, Barry made him nervous, and he honestly didn’t know why, but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t thrill him just the slightest bit. Barry seemed to be thinking to himself, “Well, the legends are back from their mission and Sara and Len and Nyssa all owe me a favor, I bet I could get them to take watch over Central for one night and just be on call, how does Thursday sound?” 

“Thursday sounds amazing,” Oliver responded with a wide grin, Barry bounced on the balls of his feet, 

“Alright… well, I guess I’ll see you then… I’m just going to go now I guess…” Barry scratched the back of his head, unsure of what to do next and not wanting to overstay his welcome, he’d looked down at his shoes so he didn’t see the momentary downturn of Oliver’s lips at the mention of him leaving, he looked back up and scratched the back of his neck again, giving Oliver one of his goofy smiles and a small wave as he began to walk backwards towards the door again, 

“Well, I’ll see you Thursday,” Oliver stood still rooted to his spot, taking in every feature on Barry’s face and memorizing it, he truly was beyond adorable, especially when he was nervous, Barry turned, now at the door and reached for the handle, Oliver only had a few milliseconds to make a decision about what he was thinking about now, and finally he just decided fuck it, and blurted out, 

“Barry!” Barry paused, turning around, Oliver stalked towards him with purpose and got right into his space, he reached forward cupping the younger man’s face and looking into his shining green eyes, the next moments passed in slow motion for the both of them, Oliver’s mouth hovering close to his, his hot breath fanning over Barry’s lips before they met and melded together in a searing kiss. Oliver pressed Barry back against the door, his eyes closing and his tongue begging for entrance which Barry willingly granted, the kiss was deep, but quick, and Oliver pulled away panting and bumping their noses together as Barry caught his own breath, “I’ll see you Thursday.” He whispered. Barry couldn’t help but grin, he turned the handle behind himself and with a cheeky wink he sped off, leaving Oliver to catch himself on the doorframe with a playful roll of his eyes. Three days, for some reason, that still seemed like too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *blatantly ignores Len's death*   
> Next chapter is their date, and yes, there will be smut ;)


	14. Long Stretch of Love: Part IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6,000+ Word update! I was reading Gatsby again this week and I feel like it inspired me to write more than I usually would, so here you go! Hope you enjoy...

Barry knocked on the door of the apartment. Fidgeting in his suit. He was dressed nicely, he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d overdressed. A suit jacket over a red cardigan and white dress shirt, black trousers and a spritz of cologne he borrowed from Joe who gave him a suspicious raise of his eyebrow when he’d seen how his foster son was dressed, but didn’t farther question him, knowing that Barry would come to him in time when he wanted to talk. Was he dressed too nicely? The doorknob moved and before he had any more time to think, the door was being opened and oh… Oliver… the man was dressed in an all-black, sleek tux looking… god… looking like a God. Barry’s eyes dilated and he swallowed hard. Oliver’s expression spread into a smile and Barry couldn’t help but smile back. Oliver stepped forward into Barry’s space and said quietly,

“You look amazing…” Their faces were close, and Barry looked up, a light blush tainting his cheeks as Oliver smiled down at him,

“Thank you.” He said, looking down again through his lashes and biting his lip. “You do too…” Oliver wanted so badly to kiss him in that moment, but he knew it was too soon, so instead he gently placed a hand on his lower back and stepped aside, urging him to step into the apartment. Barry stepped inside and looked around.

“Um, so I’m going to go check on dinner, it should be ready, just make yourself comfortable, you can sit at the table or wherever you’d like…” Oliver trailed off, knowing if he didn’t shut up he’d begin rambling and that wasn’t attractive. Well it was, on Barry at least, but not himself. He checked the pans and was thankful that the food was ready, yes. He could cook. Don’t act so surprised. He’d made grilled Italian shrimp pasta with a side salad, quadrupling the recipe he’d found and hoping that would be enough to appease Barry’s appetite. He brought one dish out and set it on the table in front of Barry, whose eyes brightened at the sight of the food. Oliver couldn’t help but chuckle, he turned back, going to the kitchen to grab the much smaller dish laden with his own food and set it in front of where he’d sit when he got back to the table, pulling out his chair after doing a once over of the table, making sure he hadn’t forgotten anything before sitting down and sighing. Barry was eyeing the food predatorily and Oliver almost laughed out loud,

“What are you waiting for? Go on, dig in, that whole dish is for you.” Barry’s eyes widened,

“Really?”

“Yup, you need to eat, and I can imagine you’re pretty hungry from running all the way here. Don’t need you passing out on me.” Barry blushed, and reached forward, dishing a sizeable portion onto his plate. They ate in silence for a few minutes, the air between them calm and not at all tense, just enjoying being in each other’s presence. Barry was trying to discreetly slurp up as much pasta as he could with each bite without looking like a total pig, thinking he was doing a pretty good job of it when Oliver didn’t say anything, but Oliver could tell. He wasn’t the least bit disgusted though, knowing Barry had to eat a lot and overall finding it endearing and flattering as the man moaned with every few bites, muttering how amazing it tasted once or twice between forkfuls. Oliver tried not to get distracted by the noises coming from the younger man’s lips, but he was finding it increasingly difficult. He shifted in his seat, finding himself becoming hard and cleared his throat,

“So, you seem to be enjoying yourself,” Barry’s head snapped up, a noodle still hanging from his mouth, which he quickly slurped inside and then reached for a napkin to wipe his face off.

“Oh my god… I’m sorry… I was trying to not be gross… but… it’s so good… and I’m really hungry.”

“Well I’m glad you like it.” Oliver said with a smile,

“Water? Wine? Soda? What can I get you to drink?” Oliver asked, Barry looked towards the bottle of wine chilling in a bucket in the seat perpendicular to him and thought,

“I think I’ll go with water for now, we can uncork the wine later,” Oliver nodded and stood to go get him a glass. He came back and set the glass in front of Barry, sitting down in his own chair with a can of coke and pouring it into his own glass.

“So, how have things been in Central?” Barry hummed, swallowing another bite before looking up at him.

“Crazy, as usual. Ever since we got back from Earth two things have been weird. Having not-evil Harry around still fucks with my mind sometimes, but his daughter, Jesse, is a really big help around the labs, extremely smart and has helped us bring in quite a few meatas. Wally and Joe are beginning to smooth things out. He had him over for dinner a few nights ago, and from what I saw things were going better than the last time,”

“So what’s he like? The kid?” Oliver asked, and Barry shrugged.

“I don’t know… honestly I haven’t talked much to him… But Joe seems to like him an awful lot… so much show that I wonder if he remembers I even exist.” The last words were ground out in a slightly muffled tone, but they were out of Barry’s mouth before he could stop them, the beginning of the comment said with a certain bite that wasn’t usually heard from him. Oliver put his fork down and looked over at Barry who had begun looking down at his plate, stabbing the shrimp rather furiously.

“Hey…” Oliver said quietly, reaching forward across the table, offering his hand for Barry to grasp, Barry didn’t take it though. “Barry,” Oliver waited, and finally Barry put down his fork, his eyes still glued to the dish in front of him. “Look at me,” Barry looked at him, hazel eyes bore into cerulean blue. Oliver stroked the back of his hand in soothing circle with his thumb, Barry broke eye contact with Oliver and looked down at his plate again, pulling away and retreating in on himself, trying to pull himself together. He didn’t want to ruin this date with his feelings. Their breakfast the morning after had been ruined by his over dramatics, and now their dinner was going to be ruined as well. He squeezed his eyes shut and breathed deeply, forcing off the tears that wanted to fall and the tightness in his throat that wanted to settle itself.

“Joe knows you exist… he hasn’t forgotten about you, he’s just focused on getting to know Wally now I promise… he loves you Bar, you’ve been in his life much longer than Wally, he’s already had the time to get to know you, and now he just wants to get the chance to know Wally the same way.” A bout of unnecessary anger flared up inside the younger man, and he bit out another harsh sentence.

“Yeah, well if he hasn’t forgotten about me, explain why I haven’t been invited to “family” dinner nights for the last four weeks since Wally showed up, The first week I didn’t say anything, expecting for him to mention that I’d missed it, but no, and then the next weeks just keep continuing the same way. I shouldn’t be this jealous, I have no right to be, he’s not my real dad, and I’m not his real son, my real dad is who the hell knows where doing who the hell knows what, all I know is he’s not here and I really, really, could benefit from having him around right now… but he doesn’t seem to get that.”  Barry threw his hands up in frustration before realizing he was being over dramatic again and scooting back slightly to subdue himself, he covered his face with his hands and muttered apologies to Oliver, who’d been sitting there the whole time listening to him rant. Oliver stood up, with the silence of a trained assassin and came over to Barry, who jumped a mile when he placed a hand on his shoulder. Oliver apologized quietly and knelt before him.

“Hey, don’t apologize… you obviously need to get this out to someone, and if you trust me enough to be that person, then I’m honored, and I promise I will listen and not judge you, you never have to apologize for having feelings. You didn’t judge me when I told you many of the problems I was still facing when we talked all those nights, the PTSD, the nightmares, the guilt. You can be as candid as you want with me and I promise… I won’t judge you.” Barry wiped his eyes, slightly taken aback by this incredibly gentle side to Oliver. He knew the man had a heart, but he’d never seen him talk to anyone with this much care… not even Felicity. And no. Don’t think about her. He berated himself that would certainly lead to issues.

“Thank you.” He quietly said, and couldn’t help the upturn of his lips at the smile Oliver shot back at him. Barry turned back to his plate as Oliver stood up, the older male took his dishes and disappeared into the kitchen, a moment later turning on the sink, Barry took the opportunity to woof down the remaining food in his own dish at super speed without worrying about being uncivilized. Oliver came back, drying his hands on a dish towel and raising an eyebrow at the empty dish that had still been half full not minutes before,

“Well, I was just cleaning my plate off to keep the food from being caked on later, I didn’t want you to feel like you needed to rush,” Barry shrugged,

“I’m not really a slow eater, Joe and Iris have gotten used to it, it’s fine.” Barry picked up his dish and headed over to where the kitchen was,

“You don’t have to do that, I can clear up and you can rest in the living room if you’d like, I asked you here after all,”

“I want to.” Barry said, forging ahead anyway with a smile, and Oliver decided not to protest, instead going to gather a few more dishes and bringing them back to the kitchen as well. He expected Barry to be washing the dish at super speed and was surprised to find him scrubbing at it like a normal person,

“No super speed?”

“Nah, not with dishes, we learned that the hard way, I tend to break them.” Barry said and Oliver simply smiled. The two finished the dishes in silence, occasionally brushing against one and other and smiling to themselves. After the kitchen and dining room were once again spotless, Oliver was kind of a neat freak, odd considering that before the island he’d been a total slob, they headed to the living room, Oliver taking a seat on the couch after unbuttoning his suit jacket, loosening his tie, and kicking off his shoes. He motioned for Barry to sit beside him and the younger male did rather tensely. Oliver frowned,

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” Oliver asked, not wanting to have Barry be in a state of unease all night,

“No… sorry… I just… I guess I’m feeling a bit awkward for earlier still.” Oliver reached over and took his hand, catching his eye and with a smile, saying,

“Don’t be, please… don’t be…”

Barry took a deep breath and nodded, scooting a little closer and allowing Oliver to drape an arm around his shoulder. He rested his head on Oliver’s chest and closed his eyes momentarily, allowing himself to revel in the deep breathing and steady heartbeat coming from the other man.

“I made desert, but I thought we should give our food some time to settle first…” Barry hummed approvingly, “What do you want to do? We could watch TV, I’ve got Netflix, or there’s a hot tub on the terrace…”Oliver trailed off when Barry snuggled into him deeper, another amused smile graced his lips and he asked “are you tired?”

“No…” Barry answered, “You’re just warm… and comfortable.”

“Netflix it is then,” Oliver said, Barry protested when Oliver shifted, moving forward to pick up the remote,

“What?” Oliver asked with a chuckle,

“Come back!” Barry whined, Oliver settled back into his spot and Barry curled up into him again, nuzzling his neck and causing a shiver to ripple through Oliver’s spine as the speedsters warm breath tickled his neck, his arm involuntarily tightened around the speedster’s waist and Barry arched into the touch, momentarily brushing his soft lips across Oliver’s skin before shifting again and repositioning himself so that his fluffy hair was instead now tickling Oliver’s chin, eyes turned towards the screen. Barry snorted as Oliver scrolled through his Netflix que, what the hell were all these shows? He’d never even heard of them.

“So you’re one of those guys,”

“What?” Oliver asked,

“The “too cool for anything mainstream” sort of guys,”

“I just don’t get what’s so funny about the mainstream shows, I mean the only ones I’d consider watching are the comedies, the law and order shows aren’t very interesting to me considering. So yeah, I’d rather watch the indie movies that have some sort of vague substance to them.” Barry rolled his eyes, and took the remote from Oliver’s hands,

“Hey!”

“Sh! Barry told him, going up to the search bar to type in a name scrolling down to click on it when he found it, Oliver furrowed his brow as he read the title that showed up on the black screen, red bar, indicating the loading progress underneath it,

“Ripper: Letter From Hell…” He read aloud,

“What the hell is this?”

“Shh, you’ll like it, it’s the perfect blend of contemporary and indie.” He said, settling back into Oliver’s chest as the movie started.

"Okay," Oliver said, and once again silence fell between them as Oliver settled into the couch,  
  
"Wait," Oliver said, "Is this a horror movie?" A tone of apprehension in his voice. Barry felt his shift uncomfortably. A smile forming on his own lips, no way,  
  
"Why? You scared?" Barry's lips curled into a smirk, Oliver bristled.  
  
"No!" He said indignantly.  
  
"Good then you don't have to worry," if Oliver was a dog or a wolf he's sure he would've growled at the smugness in the younger males tone.  
  
"So is it a horror movie or is it not?" He asked.  
  
"Kind of, horror and murder mystery mixed. There's a bit of gore but its good." Barry said. He felt the tension in Oliver's body relax and the older male nodded, settling in and wrapping an arm around him.  
  
"Alright," he conceded. Waiting as the movie finally started. Beginning credits fading in and out before a crash of lightning sounded through the room from the speakers the sound of a storm on the waves following. And Oliver froze. His eyes were transfixed on the TV as a women struggled to stay afloat in a storm. He stood. Stalk still staring at the tv. His brain going into overdrive as he began to tremble involuntarily. It took a few seconds but Barry suddenly realized the stoic stance of Oliver and moved to look at him, the look in his eyes was far away. And then everything clicked into place. Barry cursed out loud and sprang up from his spot stopping the movie his hands flitting around helplessly. Trying to figure out if it was okay to touch Oliver. How could he have been so stupid? He'd unconsciously remembered the ship and the deserted island at the beginning of the movie but hadn't thought much of it.

“Oliver, Oliver can you hear me?” He asked, he tentatively placed a hand on Oliver’s cheek, Oliver flinched back wildly, cowering and looking frightened,

“Oliver, it’s me, Barry, you’re safe… you’re at home… in Star City… with me… nothing can hurt you now…” Barry kept muttering these words of encouragement quietly to him and slowly, Oliver seemed to come back to. His harsh breaths evening back out and his frightened, cowering state relaxing as the tension released from his body and his eyes came to focus on Barry,

“Barry?” He choked out quietly.

“Oliver… god… Thank the lord… I’m so sorry… I don’t know what I was thinking… that was so stupid… we don’t have to watch this one obviously, you chose, I mean if you even want to still watch something, I don’t know, are you tired? Do you need something? Do you want to lay down? Maybe you should drink some water, you look kind of pale…” Oliver shook his head, his rapidly beating hear finally slowing down to a normal pace, he wiped the sweat off his brow and took a deep breath,

“No, no I’m fine… sorry… honestly… I don’t know why that happened, I haven’t had a flashback like that in a long time… even when watching scenes like this in shows… there have been a few that Felicity and I watched… but nothing like that happened… I’m okay now… but yeah… maybe we should chose something else…” He trailed off. Barry’s expression was still one of worry, and he bit his lip, quickly thrusting the remote into Oliver’s hand and urging him to choose another, he seemed to watch his every move as he scrolled through some of the recommended titles, the silence between them was becoming deafening, considering that Oliver could tell Barry was dying to say something. Oliver stopped on Buffy The Vampire Slayer and queued Netflix up to play the next episode in line from where he’d stopped, he was pretty sure Barry was familiar with the show, so he didn’t think he’d mind,

“Say whatever it is you want to say, I can tell you’re dying to.” A beat passed between them before Barry said quietly,

“I’m sorry…” Oliver looked over at him, his head hanging down in shame, the younger man’s voice sounded so soft as if he was close to tears. Oliver immediately focused all of his attention on him,

“Hey, Barry… really, I’m fine… you have nothing to be sorry for… you didn’t know what would happen… hell I didn’t know either… but it’s not your fault… you just forgot… and honestly, it’s nice to know that’s not one of the main things on your mind when you’re with me, I know it is for a lot of people closest to me, Laurel, Thea, Felicity and even Diggle, I’m glad it’s not something you focus on too much… I like just being Oliver to you… not Oliver Queen, former billionaire playboy who was shipwrecked on a deserted island for five years who came back to save the city…”

“Still… I should’ve been thinking… I’m sorry you had a panic attack… it… I just… I’m sorry.” Barry said, Oliver shrugged it off,

“Wasn’t my first and probably won’t be my last, nothing we can do about it now, what’s done is done… now come here…” Oliver lifted an arm allowing for room for Barry to cuddle back into his side. Barry looked at the space tentatively before relenting and slotting himself back up against the older man and resting his head in the crook of his neck. Allowing the short tufts of his hair to tickle Oliver’s chin when he shifted.

\---

“So wait I’m Angel right?” Oliver asked,

“Elusive, sexy, dark, mysterious, yes. You’re Angel.” Barry answered.

“And obviously Giles is Harry, I just feel weird having Xander be Cisco, didn’t he have a thing for Willow, and like… if Willow is Dr. Snow… just… no.”

“Well who else would they each be, we’re kind of limited in casting here, the team isn’t that big, I think Buffy was onto something with that one.” Oliver said, “Cordelia’s definitely Iris.”

“Iris wasn’t ever a bitch like she was,” Barry protested,

“Tell me again why we’re trying to cast friends in the roles of Buffy characters?”

“I don’t know, you started it by saying that Xander sounded exactly like Cisco earlier.”

\---

They finished the episode in relative silence, and over the course of the next episode the two had managed to become rather tangled up within each other

Barry had slipped his own shoes off and taken off his suit jacket throwing it precariously over a chair opposite of them before settling back into Oliver’s side. Allowing for Oliver’s socked foot to occasionally run soothingly up and down his own calf. They sat with their feet stretched out on the table in front of them, at the moment not caring about sanitation and instead reveling in being so close to one and other. Barry leaned against Oliver’s side, his head propped in a way that allowed him to both look at the TV and occasionally shift to glance up at Oliver. Barry smiled to himself each time as he glanced up to the older man who seemed to be more relaxed than ever at the moment. Oliver deserved to relax every once in a awhile and Barry felt pride in the fact that Oliver felt like it was okay to let his guard down and relax around him. It was around the very end of the episode when Barry glanced up again and was met with the sight of the intense eyes of the other man boring down on him. Oliver stared unblinking for what was longer than a person normally would look at another. Barry tilted his head in question rather adorably,

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked,

Oliver’s lip curled inwards as his expression changed into one of mild contemplation. His lips parted, but then closed again before any words were breathed. Barry quirked an eyebrow and Oliver tried again, stopping again and glancing away self-consciously with a slightly self-deprecating chuckle. He looked up again into Barry’s honey hazel and green eyes, and finally spoke,

“I just… I really want to kiss you right now.” Both of Barry’s eyebrows rose at the admission and the way that Oliver was acting, was he nervous? But why? He had to bite his lip from commenting, wracking his brain for something, anything, to say that wouldn’t farther embarrass Oliver too badly, he smirked to himself as the words came to his mind and almost couldn’t believe his own boldness when they flowed from his lips,

“Is that all you want to do to me?” When Oliver didn’t answer Barry sat up and untangled their legs, turning to face him, raised eyebrow expression still in place, Oliver’s mouth had gone dry, he didn’t know what to say to that comment, more than slightly taken aback by Barry’s boldness.

“Well, this is only our first date…” he stammered,

“Like that’s ever stopped you before… so I’ll ask again Ollie… is that all you want to do to me? Kiss me, that is?” Fuck. Oliver thought, he’d never be able to have someone call him Ollie again without getting hard. Not with the new image and tone burned into his mind, Barry sitting in front of him, a teasing smirk on his soft pink lips, the bottom one being bit in a teasing manner as he looked up at him through his lashes with a question in his eyes. He gulped.

“You know as well as I do that kissing you isn’t the only thing I want to do to you,” Oliver was finding it hard to keep from attacking Barry’s lips right then, but he knew he had to get this out, even if it would leave him with a case of blue balls, he could handle it, as long as Barry knew how serious he was about all of this.

“But I need you to know, you’re more to me than just a quick fuck… or a rebound… and I like you… and given time, I know I could even love you… but if all of our encounters end in sex… it really… well it’ll make me feel like I’m using you… and I already did that once… and I never… ever… god. I never want to hurt you like that again… so please, don’t feel like seduction is necessary for me to stay around, I’m just as happy sitting here and watching TV shows with you as I would be taking a dip in the hot tub and getting to decide if you look better in or out of that outfit… I don’t want this to just be built on physicality… I’ve done that with enough people to know in the end that doesn’t work… I like you Barry I really do, and I know you like me too, and I need you to know that…”

Barry’s expression softened, a weight being lifted from him that he didn’t even realize he was carrying with those words, he moved closer, leaning in to cup Oliver’s face and stroke a thumb down one of his cheeks gently as their gazes locked.

“Thank you…” Barry said, “Thank you for saying all of that… I wish I could say I hadn’t needed to hear it, but I did… so thank you.” Another beat of silence passed between the two, the warm caress of each other’s breath tingling their respective lips,

“You can kiss me now.” Barry said, in a voice so quiet that Oliver barely heard it, but slowly he moved forward that fraction of a centimeter more, and closed his eyes, his lips tingled with what he could swear was electricity when their mouths melded together softly. The kiss was gentle… so gentle… but full of an amount of passion that neither had ever endured in a kiss, pulling back from each other they panted, their gazes still locked. In the moments that followed they took the opportunity to take in everything about the current moment, the looks on one and other’s faces, the feelings coursing through them and the expressions that they each wore, committing them to memory. The moment was abruptly broken when the theme song from Buffy blared from the speakers of the TV loudly as the ending credits began to roll, giving Barry quite the fright and causing him to physically startle and clutch his heart before beginning to laugh at himself, once Oliver was sure Barry was okay, he let out a small laugh as well and shook his own head, reaching for the remote to turn off the TV. Barry stretched and stood to his feet, turning to face Oliver,

“Well… that was nice.” Oliver nodded, once again feeling insecure with himself and what to do next. God, the thing Barry did to him. He really didn’t want him to leave yet, but he couldn’t think of anything he could offer to make him stay that wouldn’t sound too suggestive considering his little speech earlier. Thankfully, Barry took the weight off of him as he spoke,

“So, you said something about wine, desert and a hot tub if I’m not mistaking, if you’re not too tired yet, those sound pretty great to me.” Oliver nodded, trying not to seem to eager,

“Yeah, yeah, that sounds great, um, I’m going to go to the restroom and get all the stuff, you can go on and wait on the terrace for me if you want.” Barry nodded, turning to make his way back out of the living room to where he knew the balcony entrance was.

Oliver couldn’t help but take a minute to appreciate the view as he turned to leave, the jacket now gone, allowed him to see the outline of Barry’s divine ass in his perfectly tailored pants.

Barry stepped out onto the terrace, eyes widening as he took in the beauty of the nighttime view. The sky was dark but the lights of the city allowed for a bright, yet not overbearing nightscape, they were on the top floor of Oliver’s apartment building, easily the tallest one on the block, far up from any prying eyes, but not so far up that it scared him when he looked out. A slight breeze blew through the air and Barry was surprised at how clean and crisp it was as he took a deep breath, for this was a city after all. The hot tub sat in the far left corner of the terrace, slightly elevated and veiled on all four sides by an open canopy of wispy rich wine colored translucent mesh curtains that gave the lights inside a warm glow. Barry contemplated his next actions, should he decide to wait for Oliver at the small table or should he strip and go on a head and step in the tub? He appreciated Oliver’s earlier speech, but he wanted to let him know that he was fully okay with being physical in their relationship still, hell, that’s how it all had started, and after all, physical attraction only made emotional connections stronger in the long run, so why not? That and the fact that he was incredibly horny, really, there was no use in lying to himself, he’d been pressed up against Oliver’s firm muscular body all night and held in his possessive embrace for a large part of it and he was itching for skin on skin contact after all of it.  So he stripped, folding his pants and draping his shirt and cardigan over the chair to keep them from getting too wrinkled. He bit his lip, once again debating with himself once he was down to his underwear, not wanting to make Oliver uncomfortable by taking them off if he really didn’t want to go all the way tonight, but at the same time having a strong urge to see what his reaction would be when he came out to see him stark naked… Barry smirked, the curiosity of being a tease winning out in the end and giving him the courage to strip and stand there fully nude as he quickly checked his phone while waiting for Oliver to emerge. His scrolling was interrupted when he heard a loud curse and the shattering of glass behind him, he turned his head quickly, smirking when he saw Oliver’s gob smacked expression and wide eyes, which were ogling his ass, what had been empty wine glasses now lied on the marble ground of the terrace in pieces. Before Oliver could blink a rush of wind passed him and then Barry was there again, leaning over on purpose to as he poured wine into two new glasses and flexed his muscles visibly as he moved slowly. Oliver looked down to see that the shattered glass had been cleaned up, and to find that he was in fact, no longer holding the bottle of wine in his hands, when his head turned back to Barry he whimpered at the sight. Barry’s lean body was on full display, silhouetted by the glow of the lights from the hot tub behind him, the upwards curve of his cock and round pertness of his ass both easily able to be made out as Oliver trailed his eyes up his body, he felt himself squeak when he noticed what Barry was doing, the younger man had apparently swiped a bite of the cheese cake onto his pointer finger and was now licking it off in a way that shouldn’t be as sinful as it was.

“Barry…” Oliver breathed brokenly. Barry moaned at the taste of the cheesecake,

“That’s amazing did you make it?” He asked, Oliver nodded, unable to speak anymore. Barry didn’t say anything more as he picked up his wine glass and the plate with the cake on it and turned to walk towards the hot tub, Oliver spoke unconsciously, “Yeah… definitely better out of…” Not expecting the speedster to have heard him,

“Hm?” Barry asked, turning to look at him,

“Oh nothing… nothing…” Oliver stammered,

“Sure, hurry up, I’m quite interested to see if you look the same… you know, better out of that tux than in it as you put so eloquently.”

Barry disappeared behind the canopy of the hot tub and Oliver sprang into action as soon as he was out of sight, tripping over himself in effort to get naked as well. Barry was going to kill him.

\---

“Has anyone ever told you how gorgeous you are?” Oliver asked, knowing it might have been a cheesy line, but needing to voice it anyway, Barry shifted, tipping his glass up to drain the last few drops of his wine before speaking,

“Leonard did once, but he was so drunk he thought I was Mick… so it doesn’t really count, so technically no,” Barry responded.

“Well you are… you are absolutely divine… and it’s not just your body… but it’s everything about you... I admit, at the expense of sounding overly cheesy and sappy,” Barry smiled,

“That was incredibly cheesy and sappy, but thank you…” The air of confidence that Barry had been carrying seemed to vanish suddenly, as he looked down and began to twiddle with the wine glass’s stem. Barry felt the water ripple and heard it slosh as Oliver cut his way through it, the first part of the older man that came into view were his hands, he took the wine glass out of his own and turned to go set it on the opposite side of the tub where they’d stacked up their other dishes before returning to Barry and reaching out a wet hand to tilt Barry’s chin up so he could meet his eyes,

“I mean it… You are so fucking gorgeous… and you have no idea… you are so amazing Barry… you have so much good in you and you have such a huge heart, and I can’t express how humbled I feel that you’ve chosen to let me in tonight…I wish I had words. I really do, but words aren’t enough to describe you.” Where did Oliver get all of this? Barry thought blushing, did he really mean all of what he was saying? Barry met his eyes… and oh… wow… the sincerity in Oliver’s gaze gave him all of his answers,

“God, just kiss me already.” Barry said, surging forward and attaching their lips together again, this time in a much needier, much deeper kiss. Throwing himself at Oliver who caught up and lifted him up out of the water to hike his legs up around his waist and move just enough so that he could settle him down again on the edge of the hot tub, their cocks slid together causing each of them to gasp and grip the other tighter as they rutted against one and other. The water of the hot tub sloshed about violently adding to their feverish symphony of foreplay. Barry grappled for purchase at Oliver’s head, having nothing to hold considering Oliver’s nonexistent hair, Oliver was kissing down his body now, Barry still rutting up into him, as he came back up to nibble at his earlobe and whisper,

“You like that?” in a hoarse voice. Barry moaned and bucked up again, his hands being removed from Oliver’s head and planted gently but firmly at his own sides,

“Hold on…” Oliver said, and Barry gripped the edge of the hot tub with white knuckles in anticipation for what was going to come next. Oliver took Barry’s aching member in one hand and place the other on one of his taut nipples and massaged and pinched as he began to roughly jerk the younger man’s cock steadily. He switched nipples and Barry squeezed his eyes shut, arching into the touch of his hand and away from the now painful grip that Oliver had suddenly put on his cock… it was all too much but holy fuck… he loved it.

“You want to cum?” Oliver asked in a low tone,

“Yes! Please! Oliver!” Barry said in a strained voice. Oliver chuckled,

“Okay, come for me Barry…” Oliver pinched his nipple and loosened the grip on his cock, giving it one last jerk as he bit down and sucked on the delectable smooth expanse of Barry’s creamy pale neck, knowing it was one of his sweet spots.

“Oliver!” Barry cried brokenly, beginning to vibrate in his hold as his body arched sporadically, he let out little moans and whimpers as he shook, coming down from his high. It took a while for Barry to stop shaking, and even then, little tremors would still go through him every so often as he got his breathing under control. Oliver was now holding him tightly and whispering comforting sweet nothings into his ear as he came back to.

“Ollie…” He whimpered, once he could speak again,

“Yeah?” Oliver asked quietly,

“I-I’ve… I’ve never cum so hard in my life… holy shit.” Oliver couldn’t help the throaty chuckle that came from him as he laughed and pressed kisses into Barry’s hair,

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“Well that’s one way to put it…” Barry commented. Still not moving from Oliver’s embrace, and honestly, Oliver didn’t mind. He could’ve stayed in that position forever.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated!!!


	15. Long Stretch of Love Part V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just porn. Plot will come soon though I promise...

It was quickly relevant to Barry when he came down from his own high that they were far from finished, he felt Oliver's cock hard and pulsing against his leg hotly under the water and he let out a long breath. Looking up at Oliver through his lashes like he knew Oliver loved he bit his bottom lip before speaking quietly,

"Take me to bed... Please. I know you want to..." Oliver's pupils were wide and dilated his own breaths ragged as he gripped Barry's hips with such force Barry knew they'd be bruised. Oliver's resolve was cracking. He didn't want to make the younger man feel used, but here Barry was, asking for him, and God, how could he deny a request like that, especially paired with the biting lip and long lashed gaze he had fixed him with while asking sweetly. Oliver decided to stop thinking and just let instinct take over.

With a feral low growl his hands slid to Barry's ass and he slid him up his body, housing him into his arms and rasping out, "wrap your legs around me" Barry let out a shudder and did as asked quickly, Oliver's forearms supporting his thighs as his hands continued to kneed at his ass as he stood, using his lower body strength to pull himself out of the water and over to the stairs, he made it out of the hot tub on steady strong legs and led Barry and himself over to the sliding door, uncaring of the dripping wet states each of their bodies were in. Barry pulled him in for a hot kiss as Oliver fumbled to get the door open from muscle memory, Barry gripped tightly to him to keep himself clinging to Oliver's chest as the door gave way from behind him and Oliver stepped inside, closing it behind him before once again reaching around to hold Barry's body up against his own, now fully invested in kissing him back. He knew the way to his bedroom by heart from almost anywhere in the house so he didn't need to see to navigate the two of them to the white birch wood painted door and push inside.

They were both still wet from the tub, but Oliver lied Barry down with reverence on his bed anyway, hissing him and climbing above him as he lied him back, his hands beginning to roam over the younger males lean muscled frame. Barry pulled away abruptly gasping out "fuck me" before smashing their lips back together again. Oliver kissed back, pulling away and saying "soon." He trailed his hands over Barry's slick wet skin and trailed them into his hair, messing it up as he forced their mouths together.

Oliver trailed his hands up and down Barry’s still glistening wet skin to cup his ass, Barry moaned loudly and arched upwards, Oliver took his momentary lapse in pleasure to take him by surprise to take his flushed and weeping cock into his mouth. Barry gasped and bucked upwards, his hands coming down to clutch at Oliver’s head and hold him down, Oliver smirked around his mouthful and took what Barry was giving him with grace and skill. His movements firm and steady as he hallowed out his cheeks and continued to take him into the back of his throat for another torturous five minutes. Barry cried out, his hips thrusting one more time down into the slick heat of Oliver’s mouth as he came with a cry, Oliver pulled off after a few seconds, Barry’s cock still pumping cum into his mouth which landed on his lips and chin as he sat up. Barry lied there, breathing heavily, now soaking wet with a mixture of tub water and sweat and panted from exertion. When his eye finally opened he felt his spent cock already giving another twitch at the sight. Oliver leering over him, cum still dripping from his red kiss swollen lips which were slick with spit and shining from the help of the moonlight coming in from the large glass loft window that spanned one of the walls in the bedroom. The curtains having not been pulled on account of the lustful haze that had clouded their senses as they stumbled into the room and onto the bed. 

“God, Ollie… you’re so hot.” He moaned. Oliver, still breathing heavily, didn’t say anything as he slowly came up to hover over him again, his arms allowing for leverage before he let them bend and moved to cup Barry’s face again and kiss the breath out of him. Barry moaned into the kiss, prodding with his own tongue for access into Oliver’s mouth which was given almost immediately. He took his time, licking inside before catching the older male’s bottom lip between his own and sucking just a little bit before trailing his tongue down to lick off the cum from his chin, keeping it on his tongue as he moved again to delve it back into Oliver’s open mouth and allowing it to mingle on their tongues as they continued to make out lazily. Oliver switched their positions, Barry letting out an indignant squeak as Oliver quickly flipped them, sitting Barry in his lap and giving his ass a playful spank before squeezing it and pulling away. Barry ground down into his still hard cock, and holy hell, how had Oliver still not come? Barry would certainly have to do something about that. Through breathless pants and forced the words out,

“So, I’ve come…ah!” He squeezed his eye shut as Oliver reached down to grip and stroke his cock again, “Stop doing that!” He said with false exasperation in his tone, “I’ve come two times, three if you keep… fuck… doing that.” He gritted out, “And you haven’t come once… I think we need to do something about that… so what do you say about me riding you?”

“Shit… Bar, you don’t have too… I really don’t want to make you feel like all I’m in this for is the sex… I can really just take care of myself… in the shower if you’d rather sleep… you’ve got to be tired.”

Barry stopped grinding down onto him, going as far as to lift himself up to stop Oliver from getting any friction, he whimpered when Barry did this, but it had the desired effect, Oliver looked up at him only slightly annoyed,

 “I know you don’t just want me for the sex… after tonight it’s certainly been clear, you’ve said it enough… but why should we deny ourselves this? We’re both extremely attracted to one and other and we’re already good friends… so why not? If we didn’t know each other it would be different. We already know it’s not just physical attraction that makes us compatible.” Oliver sighed, thinking hard on what Barry had just told him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Barry said once more, sitting himself back down in Oliver’s lap and leaning down to place a soft and chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth before looking into his eyes and nodding, “I’m 100% positive.” He said with a grin, waiting until Oliver began to grin as well before pulling away and crawling off of his lap to go get the supplies from his bed side drawer. He prepped himself at flash speed, a flicker of light going through the room as he moved before the relative darkness took over again. Kneeling next to Oliver to slide the condom onto his thick length and slick it with lube before swinging a leg back over and bracing himself over his cock, one hand on Oliver’s chest while the other held his member up and guided it to his puckered entrance. Barry teased his cock between his own slicked up asscheeks before taking a deep breath and sinking down onto Oliver. His breath hitching at the slight burn and stretch that happened every time he did this since he’d gained his super healing abilities. His gaze flickered over to Oliver who was now lying back, his arms resting casually behind his head on the pillow, his eyes were shut in bliss and his lips parted on an exhale, before they closed again and he continued to breathe deeply through his nose. The first moments of Oliver inside Barry passed in silence, their breathes barely being heard in the silence of the room as pleasure filled up all of their senses, Barry clenched experimentally around Oliver and he felt an involuntary shudder run through Oliver at the sweet amount of friction it gave. Minutes passed, silence still filling the air, neither one knew how long it was before Oliver’s broken voice permeated the silence,

“Barry, fuck… please move…” and Barry obeyed, lifting up slowly off of him and then sinking back down. Both of them gasping and gripping onto each other as Barry’s ass and Oliver’s hips met again. Their grind was slow, Barry’s thighs slowly propelling him up and down Oliver’s length, more and more being pulled out each time until only the tip of his cock remained inside him before he slid down again.

“Barry! Oh my god…” Oliver choked out the words hoarsely, his own body arching backwards, eyes slammed shut in pleasure as he tried to remember how to breathe, Barry had picked up the pace significantly in the last minute and a half and the silence of the room had been filled with the slap of skin on skin and Oliver’s own broken moans. Barry leaned back on his hands, Oliver’s releasing their grip from the bedsheets to come and grip Barry’s hips as the younger male through his head back and continued to ride him with vigor. The springs of the bed now protesting and the headboard tapping out a steady rhythm on the wall, Barry could swear he heard the slight clang of pots and pans that were hanging on the opposite side of the wall in the kitchen as they too were shook from the force of their cohabitation.

His breath hitched again and he gasped out to Oliver how close he was, the older male’s cock now pounding directly into his sweet spot.

“Yes, Barry, fuck yes…wish you could see yourself right now, so fucking beautiful…” Oliver babbled, his hands digging into his hips roughly, this time leaving welcome bruises.

“Come here, wanna kiss you…. Please…” Oliver told him, Barry moved with only a little bit of difficulty to rest his hands on Oliver’s chest again, Oliver slid his fingers between Barry’s and urged him downwards to meet his mouth, letting go of his hands and returning them to his hips as he began to do the work of thrusting into him as he captured his lips with his own again. Oliver angled his hips slightly, and Barry cried out, not thinking that the angle could’ve gotten better than it already was before it did. He whimpered and moaned, pulling away from Oliver to brokenly cry out his pleasure,

“Fuck, yes, right there. God you make me feels so fucking good. Please… harder… please I need more…” Barry didn’t even know what was coming out of his mouth at this point, but whatever it was caused Oliver to chuckle lowly in his ear before he rammed into him with even more force,

“Hold on,” He told Barry through gritted teeth and Barry obeyed, his arms wrapping around Oliver tightly as he felt Oliver lift himself up from the bed and flip him onto his back, his legs wrapped around his waist in a vice that momentarily hampered the movement of his hips before they loosened again.

“Fuck you’re gonna make me come…” Oliver said, Barry’s chin now rested in the crook between Oliver’s neck and shoulder, his mouth open in a silent scream of pleasure, Oliver’s arms were wrapped all the way around Barry’s lean shoulders, pressing their upper bodies flush against each other, his own face buried between the crook of Barry’s neck and shoulder, his teeth teasing the skin there as he spoke muffled words into his skin as he continued to fuck into him without mercy. Oliver knew he was going to come soon and he let out a feral growl.  

“I’m going to come… I’m going to fuck… I’m coming.” He choked out as his hips jackhammered their way into Barry a total of three more torturous times as Barry’s ass clenched around him sporadically and a weak cry of “Oh!” fell from Barry’s lip as he tensed up and let his own orgasm take over his body, spilling between them hotly as Oliver’s cock twitched inside of him as he emptied himself into the condom. He’d barely even felt where Oliver had bitten into him as he came while it happened, but he was now aware of a small ache radiating from between the expanse of his left shoulder and his neck, as well as the softness of lips and the wetness of a tongue soothing at the now what he was sure was severely teeth marred, if not bruised, broken skin. All of his senses came back to him as he came down from his high, he felt Oliver’s heart beating rapidly against his chest and his panting by his ear as he loosened his grip on the older male who was still above him and pushed gently at his shoulder to let him up. Oliver pulled away, still panting as he looked down at Barry,

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, I bit you…” He said, his tone turning sheepish at the end, Barry tried to move so he could see the damage but it was just out of view from his vision, he shrugged and said “It’ll heal…” before flopping back down and letting out a long breath. Oliver had climbed off of him and disappeared into the end suite bathroom, he heard the water running and he let his sweaty body relish in the coolness of the room now that Oliver’s body heat wasn’t surrounding him. He sat up slowly, placing his feet on the floor and grimacing when he felt the cool stickiness of his cum coating his abs, he’d have to clean that, but he was currently curious to see what damage Oliver had done to his shoulder so he stood up, only momentarily swaying before going over to the mirror that hung in a small alcove of the room, placing his hands on the smooth countertop beneath it as he leaned in to try and get a better look at it in the low light. Damn, he thought, the skin _had_ been torn. God, was Oliver some kind of vampire? He laughed at the thought and reached up to brush his fingers over it gently, feeling the torn skin already beginning to heal as a bruise blossomed around it.

“Sorry.” Oliver apologized once again, Barry jumped, not having noticed him come up behind him. Damn that assassin training. Barry chuckled lightly and turned to him,

“It’s alright… in fact, it’s kind of hot…” He admitted, reaching out to drape his arms around Oliver’s neck and pull him in for a quick kiss, Oliver smiled as he pressed the washcloth he’d brought from the bathroom into Barry’s hand,

“Oh, thanks.” Barry said, using it to clean off his own stomach, before flashing back into the bathroom to wash it off and hang it to dry before Oliver even had time to blink. Oliver laughed when he felt the speedster wrap his arms around him again and pull him close,

“That was awesome…” he commented, looking up at Oliver with a dorky smile on his face,

“Yeah, it was wasn’t it?” He agreed, Barry nuzzled his face into Oliver’s neck and mumbled out,

“I’m tired.”

“Me too, but you need to eat before we go back to bed. Don’t need you dying from hypoglycemia in your sleep now do we?” He asked, “I’ve got some more cheesecake in the fridge, why don’t you put your boxers back on and meet me out there then we’ll go to bed, ok?” Barry nodded, he was feeling slightly woozy now that he thought about it.

“You ok to make out there on your own?” He asked as he felt Barry pull away and sway, Barry nodded and batted him off trudging over to the bed to bend down and pick up his boxers before he sat to slide them on. Oliver took one last glance behind him as he made his way out the door to go to the kitchen.

Barry sat there for a few moments as he heard Oliver bustling around in the other room, a dopey smile coming to his lips. This had been the best date he’d ever been on for sure… and it gave him hope that things could actually work between them, he didn’t care what tomorrow brought, currently feeling confident enough to take it on in stride with Oliver right beside him.

Oliver crawled back in bed that night feeling more fulfilled than he had in a long time. Barry cuddled up to him immediately and let out an adorable sniffle, he was already half asleep. Rapid heart beating against his chest and silence of the night surrounding him he let himself be overtaken by sleep, surprisingly without any worries.

 

 


	16. The Blade: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The birds and the bees strike again, literally.

_~I let your love in, I have the scar_  
_I felt the razor against my heart_  
_I thought we were both in all the way_  
_But you caught it by the handle_  
_And I caught it by the blade~_

" _The Blade" -Ashley Monroe_

 

Oliver woke up the next morning to an incessant buzzing sound, groggily he lifted his head from where it was resting on the pillow to look around for the source of the sound. His phone was ringing off the dresser from across the room. He looked beside him, Barry was still sleeping soundly and he really didn’t want to wake him up, but the call could be important so he slid out of the bed as quickly and quietly as he could and went to go answer the phone, muttering out a hushed hello as he pressed the phone between his shoulder and his ear as he struggled to get his pants on without dropping it.

“Why are we whispering?” The voice on the other end whispered back, Oliver placed it as Diggle’s voice.

“Just hold on a second…” Oliver whispered back,

“Well we really don’t have a second, there’s kind of a situation going on at Palmer Tech right now.” Oliver growled lowly when he tripped bumping his knee on the dresser as he wrangled his second pant-leg on before swiftly making his way out of the bedroom.

“Ok, so what’s going on?” Oliver said in a still quiet, but not quite a whispering voice.

“It’s Felicity and Thea. They’re trapped inside Palmer Tech. Bree Larson is out of prison and at it again, apparently she wants the chip in Felicity’s spine. I don’t know why, but she’s sent her bees to swarm the whole building, there’s no way for them to get out.”

“Oh my god! This place is so rad!” A voice in the background said, Oliver furrowed his brow in confusion not being able to place the voice right away.

“Diggle, who is that and where are you?”

“I’m in the cave, and that’s Curtis, he found his way here using the phone we gave him when he helped save Ray, but before you get all upset, he can help us, he’s a tech geek like Felicity and last time this happened, Felicity was able to hack into the bees interface and immobilize them that way so maybe he’ll know how to do the same.”

“Then why the hell are you talking to me! Go! Try to get him to disable them, I’ll be in really soon,” Oliver whisper shouted down the line.

“Alright, alright, but seriously, why are you whispering?” Oliver looked around, for what exactly he wasn’t sure, before speaking again in hushed tones,

“Barry’s here… we had a date last night… He’s sleeping.”

“Well great! He defeated them the first time, maybe he can help this time around too, bring him in with you!”

“And what am I supposed to say to him being here?”

“The guy can run from here to Central in under 15 minutes these days with the tachyon device, I’ll just say you got wind of the situation and he was available.”

“Alright I’ll be in soon.” He hung up without a goodbye and went to go wake up Barry. He stopped in his tracks when he entered back into the room to see the speedster sitting up in bed, blinking away the sleep in his eyes, hair all mussed from sleeping and sex the previous night. He smiled at the sight, it was too adorable.

“Ollie?” Barry said on a yawn,

“Hey Bar, as much as I’d love to stay in bed with you and have a lazy morning Dig just called, there’s a bit of a situation at Palmer Tech,” This seemed to wake Barry up and he visibly perked up at the thought of a “situation”

“Can I help?” He asked eagerly, speeding around the room in seconds before stopping and being fully dressed in his own clothes from the night before. Oliver looked down at himself and marveled at the fact that he too was now dressed and ready to go. He laughed,

“Actually, you can, you see it’s Brie Larvan again, she’s out of prison and apparently she wants the chip in Felicity’s spine, she’s already surrounded the building with swarms, Curtis is at the layer currently trying to hack and disable them, but we need to get down there-” Oliver was cut off, what seemed like only a few seconds later he was being put down again in the middle of the arrow cave, “To help…” He trailed off, looking to see Barry grinning widely at him, the younger male turned to Laurel and Diggle and Detective Lance with a grin,

“So, what’s going on?”

“Barry?” Laurel questioned puzzled,

“Hey guys, here to help, Oliver called me and filled me in, what can we do? And you must be Curtis…”

“Y-you’re the… the…-”

“The Flash, yes,” Barry stepped forward to shake Curtis’s hand, “Now, enough about me, how’s the hacking going?” Curtis snapped out of his momentary stupor and turned back to the computers in front of him.

“Not great, she’s apparently programmed them to not respond to any of the old techniques Felicity used, and considering that my skills are a step down from Felicity’s I don’t know what the hell to do, there’s no way to hack them to get control over them, at least not that I’ve been able to figure out yet.”

“Where are Felicity and Thea?”

“Donna’s with them too,” Diggle piped in,

“Either way where are they currently do you know?”

“They’ve crawled through and air vent to the back entrance on the ground floor, they’re waiting for us to help get them out there, the only problem is that back entrance is locked from the inside and outside by a pin because it leads to the basement where Ray kept some of his newest and most important inventions so only made it accessible to him, at least primarily, unless you were to say, go through the air vents. And not even Felicity knows the pin apparently also, there’s no way to hack into the separate security system for the basement without completely detonating it which would hurt them as well, Ray was that serious about his inventions getting stolen,” Curtis said,

“How is the pin supposed to be entered?” Barry asked,

“Apparently it’s just a regular keypad lock, except if you try to re-wire it, it’ll shock you with 70,000 volts of power and kill you instantly,”

“Is there a limit to how many codes can be entered?”

“No, there’s not, that’s one thing we know for sure, but there’s literally endless number combinations,”

“Also, she just told me that the swarms are following them through the air vents so they’re currently locked in a closet waiting for a response and a rescue.”

“I can open it, I’ll just need someone to distract the swarms,” Barry said, “I opened a bank vault once when I was on a mission with Snart, I’m pretty sure I can open this one too, but like I said, I’ll need backup, how many swarms are active?”

“Four so far, she’s broken two of them up to patrol every floor, they’re fast and they’re motion activated so anything that moves they go after, but they’re smart enough not to get trapped in the elevators apparently, we already tried that, one of the others is patrolling the ground floor, and appears back around at the storage closet every 2.5 minutes, so if you can get them out in two and a half minutes, then we’ll be golden there, and fourth one she’s got on the 12th floor in the office she’s using, we don’t know what she plans to do with that one yet,”

 “So pretty much our only big problem is trying to get rid of the swarms and then Brie, correct?”

“Correct,”

“Well, she gave us twenty minutes, we’re already down to fifteen, so we need to head out,”

“So what’s the plan if he can’t deactivate the swarms before we get there?” Diggle asked,

“I don’t know, I’ll think of something on the way, Barry go on and get the girls out of the closet,”

“On it,” Barry said, and he was gone in the blink of an eye.

-

“Flash!” Felicity exclaimed once the door to the dark, cramped space of the storage closet opened,

“Hey Felicity, I’ll answer your question as to why I’m here later, for now, I know you’ve got a plan and we have less than a minute and fifteen seconds to activate it, I’ve gotta go meet Spartan, Arrow, and Canary out at the back entrance, do you need any more help?”

“I think we’ve got it from here, we just need the elevator, that’s all,”

“Alright, see you later, you have about a minute before the bees come back around, hurry!” And with that, Barry was gone in the blink of an eye.

-

“Curtis have you managed to hack into the bees yet?”

“Negative, I mean positive, sorry, I’m really nervous, but yes, currently the bees are handled, you guys just need to get in there and help Felicity take down Bree,”

A flash of light and then Barry was in front of them again,

“God, I’m never gonna get used to that.” Diggle said,

“So, what’s next?”

“Curtis deactivated the bees, now we’re going in and we’re going to get rid of Brie,” the team headed towards the entrance, Felicity and Thea and Donna all bursting through the doors with Barry as they moved closer, suddenly a buzzing sound could be heard, it got louder and louder and Thea looked up in time to see the swarms coming out of side vents on the building,

“Curtis!”

“Shit, I’m sorry guys, that’s a negative, something happened, something happened and I don’t know what, I literally had control over them two seconds ago, you guys need to get out of there now,”

“No kidding,” Barry said, he picked up Donna and Felicity and sped them over to where Oliver and  the rest of the team stood, on the other side of where the swarm was forming, seeing that Barry wasn’t getting Thea, Oliver didn’t hesitate to move forward,

“Come on!” He said once he ran forward, reaching out a hand for her to take,

“Ollie…” She said, a nervous waver in her voice as her eyes looked passed him, he was only planning on glancing to see what had her so spooked but he had to do a double take when he saw, the swarms were coming together, gathering and forming a _human_? That had to be wrong, it must’ve been a robot, it sure looked like a human though, dressed out in something like the atom suit, either way, the thing looked menacing, the swarms however, were now gone, giving them the perfect opportunity to get to the people on the fourth floor,

“The swarms are gone, I’m going back in,

“Felicity! Is the plan still a go?”

“Wait! No, Thea, you can’t do it by yourself!”

“Says who? Everything is still in place, it’ll work if I can pull it off?”

“It should,”

“What plan is she talking about?” Oliver asked, Thea’s hand slipped from his grip and she entered the building again,

“What plan is she talking about?” Oliver demanded again, wanting to go after her but not being able to because well, there was some sort of robot bee thing in front of them that would no doubt start causing trouble once they started swinging to take it out.  

“We hatched a plan to get the board members out of the building, all she needs to do is get to the elevator and she knows what to do.”

The robot lifted an arm, palm pressed out and beginning to glow, and that’s when Diggle lifted his gun and shot, a second later Oliver was knocking an arrow and shooting at it as well, both the bullet and the arrow went straight through the thing, suddenly, it began to break up again into a swarm, in the blink of an eye Barry had gotten Felicity and Donna away from it, coming back to grab Dig and Laurel who were cowering and shielding themselves from the bees, Dig’s disguise allowed for none of his skin to show so it was harder for the bees to sting him, he used himself as a barrier between the bees and Oliver and Laurel in the twenty seconds it took for Barry to grab Laurel, speed her to the foundry, and get back, he grabbed up Diggle and was about to do the same with Oliver when he slipped out of his grip in efforts to doge a swarm coming towards them, everything happened in the blink of an eye, the next thing that Barry knew, Oliver was crying out in pain, he must’ve been stung, multiple times it seemed. Barry quickly grabbed him up, and sped them back to the foundry. When they got there Felicity was working Thea through getting the board members out of the building, while Curtis was trying to get a signal back so he could talk to the rest of the team,

“He’s been stung!” Barry announced, lying Oliver out on the metal table they used for medical purposes, Dig took a quick walk around him and grabbed up his arm, which had gotten the brunt of the stings, and was now reacting severely to the stings, Oliver’s body convulsed in pain on the table, Donna had taken over reminding Thea what to do as Felicity’s focus had been robbed from helping her as she heard of Oliver’s condition,

“Go help them, I was listening when you told us the plan, I’ve got this,” Donna said, Felicity was torn but in the end she listened and ran over to see what the ruckus was with Oliver. Laurel held up a scanner on her phone, it activating the MRIesque scanner that hung from above over the table that Cisco had installed, when activated by an app it could see the inside of the body. Oliver was grunting and groaning, his body continuing to convulse as the scanner read him,

“He didn’t just get stung, the bee is… oh my god, the bee is inside of him!” Curtis informed them,

“Well then cut it out!” Oliver said in a gruff, yet hoarse voice.

“We can’t do that, we don’t have any surgical equipment,”

“Guys we might just have to do it with scissors or something because they’re multiplying,” Curtis quickly retook up his mantle in front of the computers frantically typing, doing who knows what,

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to hack them again,”

“Then why isn’t it working!? You did it at Palmer Tech,” Laurel said exasperated. Felicity scrambled over and took another keyboard in her hands quickly typing as well,

“They’ve adapted since then,”

“Yeah, the damn things are like The Borg, you know like the bad guys from _Star Trek_ ,”

“Curtis!”

“Sorry, I’m focusing,”

“Come on guys, there’s gotta be something you can do, when these things hit critical mass…” Diggle was cut off again by Curtis,

“I’m not John Hurt from _Alien_! Sorry when I get nervous I make pop culture references.”

“Alright, if you guys can’t hack it out can you lure it out? I don’t know, I can’t believe that I’m saying this but like some kind of digital honey?” Quinten suggested,

“Not exactly, but if these are really modled as bees…” Felicity said, being interrupted by Curtis,

“They’ll operate on a singular frequency to orientate themselves,”

“If we can disrupt it then we can dispurse the colony!” Felicity said,

“The only problem is we need to generate a high enough frequency to damage their network, which we can’t do unless you guys have a portable sonic projector handy then uh,”

“There’s one in Laurel’s suit!” Barry spoke up from across the room to Laurel,

“Exactly what I was thinking!” Curtis quickly sprang into action, grabbing various chords and adapters, Felicity went to go grab earplugs from a drawer for everyone, knowing they’d be needed for what was going to happen next,

“This technology is absolutely amazing,” Curtis marveled as he finished hooking Laurel up to the system,

“Yeah, I know its uber cool, but how exactly is this gonna help Ollie?”

“Just give it a full Carrie Underwood and it should disrupt the frequencies,”

Felicity was hovering over Oliver, smoothing her hand down Oliver’s right arm, the one that hadn’t been stung, trying to emit some sort of comfort for him, Barry had disappeared to go grab Thea from Palmer Tech and bring her back to the foundry. She’d managed to get all of the board members free and with the help of one of them she’d also managed to hack into the remaining bees frequencies again and turn them against Brie, Brie was now being taken away and Thea was giving her statement.

“Alright, on the count of three, are you still sure you want to do this?” he asked Oliver,

Oliver grunted and answered through clenched teeth, “We don’t have time to be…sure.” A few more moments passed in hesitation, and finally Oliver spoke up again,

“Curtis do it!” He demanded, Curtis sat down at the computer and held up a hand, starting the countdown from three, as he got to one, he turned back to the computer and Laurel gave it her all, Oliver’s body once again convulsed in pain, his back arching up off the table as his knuckles turned white as he gripped it underhandedly and panted as the electricity above went out, causing the lights around them to spark dangerously around them before flickering out and beginning to smoke. The multiplying colony in Oliver’s body shut down, the trackers which showed where they were inside him on the screen all dissipated, proving them to be inactive. Oliver breathed heavily, his body shaking and shivering as he felt his insides literally churn.

“It worked!” Curtis said, everyone breathed a sigh of relief and removed their earplugs.

“Oh my god, I thought I was going to lose you for good this time,” Felicity exclaimed, letting the tears poor forth from her eyes as she leaned down and cupped Oliver’s face, kissing him firmly as soon as she felt he’d caught his breath. Oliver was taken by surprise, but Felicity’s familiar warm lips pressing against his own stopped his racing heart, he closed his eyes and eventually began kissing back. In the time that this all happened Barry’s had arrived back, letting Thea down, and standing there about to open his mouth to ask what was going on when his eyes honed in on Felicity and Oliver kissing in the middle of the room. His throat ran dry suddenly and his face momentarily showed its surprise and sadness, he quickly remembered where he was and masked on an about face though, unfortunately, not in enough time for John not to take notice of his momentary lapse. Felicity and Oliver pulled away from each other and Thea was the next one to stalk forward and take a turn with Oliver, she hugged him fiercely,

“We need to have another talk about you putting yourself in danger for me, I’ve been trained by the head of the league of assassins, I know how to handle myself, and you could’ve gotten yourself killed, for real this time.”

“And what other times has it not been for real?” Oliver asked, confused, Thea just shook her head at him before turning to the others and explaining that Brie had been taken into custody and that today’s crisis had been averted. Barry stood there, still not having moved a muscle trying his best to hold himself together, nobody noticed he wasn’t part of the conversation and when he continued to fail to compose himself, he sped out of the room, to which he though nobody had noticed. He collapsed against the side of the building, gasping for air as he slid down to the ground, his heart pounding as tears came to his eyes, he bit down hard on his bottom lip to keep from crying, swiping away the tears from his eyes roughly with his fists before sniffing and bringing his knees up to his chest to momentarily calm himself, he curled himself into a ball and tried to focus on his own breathing, feeling his heart rate turn back to normal, at least for him, he uncurled, stretching his legs out and leaning there, up against the building spent, not having the energy to move. Suddenly a door opened, he looked up, surprised to see Diggle coming towards him.

“Barry, man, listen,”

“No, please, just don’t… don’t say anything, trust me I’m going to get enough I told you so’s when I get back to Central and considering that there’s nothing you can possibly say to make this better, it’s best if you just don’t speak at all, ok. I already know I’m an idiot, you warned me, hell even he warned me, he _said_ if Felicity wanted him back he wouldn’t hesitate to go and _still_ I got involved, I knew what I was doing and I should’ve known what would happen, I mean they’re endgame, besides, it’s not like a relationship between The Flash and The Green Arrow could really work out anyway, right? I was a fucking idiot to think otherwise. If he asks, which he won’t, tell him I went back to Central. I guess I’ll see you guys when the next world treat comes upon us.” Barry pulled himself to his feet and turned his back on Diggle, walking away, Dig watched him leave, wanting to say something, anything, to comfort the younger man, but like he’d already pointed out, there was nothing left to say. Nothing at all that would make things any better. Barry wanted to go straight home, but he realized he’d left all of his things in Oliver’s loft, including his wallet and his phone, so he’d have to go there first. With a groan he sped off towards the building that Oliver lived in.

-

The team had dispersed after the crisis had been adverted and Felicity had coaxed Oliver to her place with her worried puppy dog face, he promised to only stay for dinner, telling her that he needed to get back to the apartment, Barry was only a fleeting thought in the back of his mind since Diggle had told him he’d said he’d gotten a call and needed to go back to central. They hadn’t said that they were a “thing” yet, but he’d said he wanted to try, except now he wasn’t so sure. He’d promised himself that he wouldn’t take things any farther with Felicity until he talked to Barry again, the kiss he already felt bad enough about. He didn’t know why since like he’d already concluded, they weren’t a “thing” so it wasn’t cheating exactly, but still. He didn’t want to be that two timing guy he once was. They’d eaten dinner and Felicity had caught him up on her duties as CEO of Palmer Tech now, shooting him down when he tried to apologize and insisting that life was too short for herself to hold a grudge against him and that he’d already apologized enough, considering that what had happened wasn’t even completely his fault, instead even apologizing for her own over reaction. Oliver was slipping his shoes on in the living room when Felicity came in with a glass of wine,

“Are you sure you’ve gotta go now? I’d feel more comfortable if you stayed the night, I’m not doctor, but just in case something happened…”

“Curtis said that I’d be fine, and I feel fine, I really should be going now, I don’t think I even locked up my apartment earlier in my haste to leave this morning, in fact, thinking back, he knew he hadn’t considering that it had been Barry who’d sped them out of there before Oliver could get a word in.

“Alright…” Felicity said quietly, sitting down on the opposite side of the couch, placing her wine glass on a coaster on the table in front of her, watching every one of Oliver’s movements. How had she let this beautiful man go? She wondered to herself.

Oliver sat back after fastening the last lace on his boots, sighing and pulling on his jacket, before standing up, Felicity stood up with him and they stood face to face, Oliver held out his arms and Felicity fell into them, hugging him back tightly, burying her face in his neck as she tightened her arms around him a bit more,

“Thank you… thank you so much for saving me today, you didn’t have to…”

“We saved eachother, I saved you and then you saved me, of course we had a little help, but either way, we saved each other… does this mean you’ll come back and work with the team?” Felicity pulled away, thinking really hard on it for a moment, she was busier now, but she could make it work, she truly did miss working with them,

“Yes, I’ll come back.” Oliver’s rewarded grin caused her heart to swell, she couldn’t help but lean in and kiss him once again. Once again, Oliver was taken by surprise, he began to kiss back on autopilot but as he closed his eyes Barry’s face flashed through his mind and he gasped, attempting to pull away, he couldn’t… not yet.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Are you ok?”

“It’s just… I’m, no, I’m fine you didn’t hurt me, there’s just…” Felicity draped her arms around his shoulders and looked deep into his eyes, cocking her head to the side in true concern, Oliver sighed, he couldn’t get the words out though.

“I told you I slept with someone else,” Felicity’s eyes widened and she suddenly pulled away,

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think of the possibility that you were seeing someone else. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“No… it’s not that, we just… well we just slept together, it’s not… it’s not serious,”

“Do you want it to be serious? Because I’m sorry, I really should’ve thought about that before I kissed you… we can pretend it didn’t happen,  I completely understand.”

“No, it’s fine… it did happen, I knew what I was doing… I wanted this to happen…” Oliver trailed off, trying to figure out what to say, fighting with his libido and his conscious once again.

“Well then what’s the problem?” Felicity said, stepping forward again. Oliver just wanted to smash their lips back together and take her like he’d done the first time, staking his claim, because god, he wanted this, he wanted _her._ He wanted her so badly, but he also wanted Barry… God, he wanted Barry. He didn’t think he’d ever want someone like he wanted Felicity but he wanted Barry, and he had him. He had him right now, but he also had Felicity again. Like he’d wanted all along. Maybe, just maybe he didn’t really want Barry, he thought to himself. Maybe he was just lonely and maybe it truly was Felicity that he wanted. He couldn’t have possibly fallen this hard for Barry in the small amount of time that it had been between his falling out with Felicity and now, there was no way. He’d just been lonely and it was Felicity he wanted. _He wanted Felicity._ He chanted it to himself as he reached up to cup her face, pressing their bodies close as they kissed. _Felicity, Felicity, Felicity, Felicity was who he wanted._ It was a mantra that flowed through his head as he walked her backwards to her bedroom, stripping both himself and  her along the way, soon enough, he’d started to truly believe it, once again getting lost in the smell of her perfume, the softness of her skin and the roundness of her curves. She was soft where Barry was not and he missed this, missed holding onto her love handles as they grinded together, missed the press of her breasts against his chest, the way her small hands would wreak up and down his back, the way her nails would dig into him, allowing just the right amount of teasing pain on his back as she climaxed. He missed having hair that he could tangle his hands into. He missed it all. He slid out of bed a little while after she’d fallen asleep, kissing her forehead and redressing before leaving the apartment. The cool night air hit his face as he exited the building and headed up the two blocks to his own loft.

He opened the door, it wasn’t locked just as he’d thought, and entered, immediately feeling someone else’s presence in the apartment and going on high alert, he turned the corner, ready for a fight, but what he was met with confused him. Barry was there, now dressed in normal clothes, sitting in one of his recliners with a single lamp on next to him which illuminated the room in a dim glow. The glow was just bright enough for him to see the expression on Barry’s face, which immediately made his stomach drop as he focused in on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIII GUYS FIRST REAL CHAPTER IN FOREVER. The real angst is coming up, hope you enjoyed the little bit I gave you here. Comments make my day!


	17. The Blade: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This is not the way you realize that you want it  
> It's a bit too much too late if I'm honest." ~Ed Sheeran

"Barry...." Oliver trailed off, he felt the breath being punched from his lungs as he came back down to earth from the high he'd been on after being with Felicity earlier, and suddenly what he'd truly done hit him like a freight train. He couldn't meet the younger males eyes.

"I'm not going to ask you where you've been, because I already know." Barry stood up from where he was sitting and walked towards him slowly,

"Felicity, she's one hell of a woman, I'll give you that much... But I thought you were one hell of a guy too, guess I was wrong. Because I would never think so highly of a person who did what I'm 99.9% you just did. For me to think highly of a person, they'd have to have some semblance of courtesy for other people, especially after telling them that they had feelings for them, especially right after romancing them and telling them that they wanted to Make things work between them, especially after building up so much hope in the other person..." Barry's voice broke as he rambled, he squeezed his eyes shut furiously, he would NOT cry in front of Oliver, he was going to hold onto whatever pride he had left,

"If you'd changed your mind all of a sudden, the least you could've done was called first, Hell even if it was five minutes before you were planning on jumping into bed with her, sure, it wouldn't make the whole situation any better, but maybe, just maybe it would've taken a fragment of the burn away."

"Barry I didn't-"

"Don't you DARE tell me you didn't sleep with her, you reek of sex right now!" Barry's eyes literally flashed with rage, his hands balled into fists as they vibrated in anger at his sides.

"I wasn't going to... I was going to say I didn't mean for it to happen, it wasn't my original intention when I went over... I was just going to have dinner with her, she wanted to make sure I was ok after what happened today."

"I suppose you didn't mean to kiss her back either then did you?" Barry shot back, at this remark Oliver looked sincerely surprised.

"Yeah, that's what I thought, you thought I didn't see it, and you had no intention of telling me either, that's obvious from your reaction, God, you haven't changed at all have you? You're still the same dick you were nine years ago before the island. How could I have fallen for something like this? I'm such a fucking idiot... Everyone told me..."

"Barry, please... Just... Can I have a second to speak,"

"I don't think you deserve one, but since I'm a hopeless loser who still believes the best in everyone, I'll let you try to explain, you have one minute."

"It was done in the heat of the moment, I was slightly buzzed as well, it's no excuse and I understand why you're hurting but I don't want her anymore. I thought I did, I even tried to convince myself I did, because I know she still has feelings for me and I don't want to hurt her after all we've been through. She's put up with a hell of a lot from me and she deserves better. So do you so I don't know why you're even here, but the point is, this time, it was a mistake. A true mistake and I swear, if you give me one more chance, I will prove to you that I can be better. I want to be better. Not just for you but for myself as well. I know what my feelings are now, it's taken a lot to sort things out but it's you I want. I swear... Please Barry."

Oliver finished off his speech by dramatically falling to his knees before Barry and taking his hand, their eyes locking, a storm of indecision shown through the hazel and honey back into clear, shining mesmerizing cerulean blue. Oliver looked so sincere, but he'd looked sincere when he'd given him a second chance before. What was the saying again? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me?

"No." Barry finally said, after what felt like ages of standing in silence, he pulled his hand from Oliver's and Oliver's head snapped up to look at him as he slowly rose to his feet,

"What?" Oliver asked, his expression turning stormy, and for a second Barry's heart leapt in his chest from fear, the dark gaze Oliver was fixing him with was one he'd only ever seen on the vigilante. Not on Oliver. The stormy gaze only lasted for a few moments though before it cracked revealing utter pain and raw hurt beneath it. But Barry was once again determined to stay strong. He repeated himself, "No."

"Why?" Oliver asked, his voice broken and weak sounding, as if he was on the verge of tears.

"I've always given people more chances than they deserve and every time I do I end up getting stabbed in the back. I'm not going to do it anymore, so the answer is no, you can't have another chance. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't still work on becoming a better man, like you said you owe it to yourself and whoever comes next down the line." Barry stepped passed him, leaving him on his knees on the floor,

"Barry..." Oliver said, I'm a desperate fleeting tone, Barry's footsteps were soft and barely audible on the floor but Oliver could hear them. From where he knelt on the floor it was twelve steps away from the front door, every single one became louder to him as Barry got closer and closer to leaving. 6, 7, 8, 9... Three more steps...   
"Barry..." Oliver tried again, 10, 11... The creak of the door handle,

"Goodbye Oliver," Barry said quietly, ...12. The door swung closed behind him and Oliver looked up in time to see a streak of light racing though the city streets on the way out of town. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe... Comments are motivation! Thanks for reading I love you all!


	18. The Blade: Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe finds out what's been going on.

Barry sped his way back to Central, he quietly made his way up to his bedroom when he arrived at Joe’s house and threw himself on top of the covers, a muffled sob making its way passed his lips without his consent. He lied there, his whole body shaking from sobs, he knew he’d done the right thing though, even if it hurt like hell now, it was saving him a lot of future pain. Still, he couldn’t help wanting the pain to stop now, and he couldn’t help wondering what things would’ve been like if he’d given him a second chance, he wouldn’t be here right now in this cold empty bed, he’d probably be wrapped up in Oliver’s strong embrace, safe, warm, loved. But how long would it have really lasted? His conscience supplies. He mutters out loud for it to shut up before punching his bed furiously in anger a few times. When it doesn’t help he lets out a frustrated growl. Why did it have to hurt so damn much?  He face planted into his pillow and screamed until his throat was hose, panting from exertion he let up, his face was red and his eyes were puffy, not that he could see himself currently, and not that he would care either. What the hell did Felicity have that he didn’t? They’d been called each other’s twins on multiple occasions, pretty much having the same bubbly, positive, caring and smart personalities, they both tended to have no filter and were prone to rambling when nervous. Sure, Felicity had a much better job than him, but it wasn’t about the money, Oliver had plenty of his own money still. IF their personalities were pretty much similar, and the money wasn’t a factor it must’ve been the looks… Felicity was a beautiful woman, Barry would give her that, her curves soft, touch gentle, eyes a deep mesmerizing blue. Hell he’d been very close to falling victim to her feme fatal once so he understood. But Oliver certainly wasn’t complaining the previous night when he’d had Barry in his bed, so maybe it wasn’t the looks… Whatever it was, it was driving Barry insane. Oliver had been willing to give him a chance, but truthfully Barry hadn’t believed he was sincere, hell, he’d just come from Felicity’s place, smelling like sex, looking like he’d been thoroughly enjoying himself, and now he was saying it was nothing? It may not have meant anything to him emotionally but it was obvious that Felicity still had quite the physical hold over him, and with her there, so wiling, and Oliver there, obviously willing as well, Barry knew it would be a constant struggle to trust the man, and neither he nor Oliver deserved to have to deal with such stress. Oliver needed to let go of her completely before he was ready to jump into a new relationship… and if he couldn’t, well then it probably would be for the best anyway.

 

He hadn’t realized that he’d begun crying again until a soft knock at his door alerted him that someone else was up in the house. 

“Barry?” The soft voice of Iris spoke through the think wooden panel that separated the two of them. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. This was the last thing he needed right now, but he knew if he didn’t answer Iris would be worried and find a way to get in. He counted to ten, trying to get himself under control, shaking his head in efforts to clear his mind, before speaking. 

“Yeah?” Fuck. He cursed under his breath when the sound of his voice came out horse. He’d forgotten about all the screaming he’d done earlier. 

“Barry? Are you alright? Are you in there?” Fuck it, he thought, 

“Yeah, I’m here… I’ll be fine…” He winced, knowing he sounded anything but fine at the moment. Iris opened the door. Thanks for asking Barry thought to himself and rolled his eyes. 

“Barry?” Iris said again, her gaze landing on him across the room where he was sitting on his knees on the bed, the light from the window just enough to illuminate the fresh wet tear tracks on his skin, alerting her to his distress. 

“Barry! Oh my god, are you hurt? What’s going on?” She asked in an urgent tone, trying to keep her voice down as to not wake Joe who was still sleeping down the hall. 

“No, no, physically, I’m fine… I just… I’m an idiot and I really just… I need some time right now.” 

“What’s wrong?” She asked with a tilt of her head. 

“I’m pretty sure you can guess,” A few moments passed where they simply stared at each other before it dawned on Iris and her eyebrows rose in realization. 

“Yeah, him… whatever you’re going to say, please… just hold on for a little while longer and come back later please… I don’t think I can take any I Told You So’s yet….  It honestly might just kill me.” He said the last party quietly. 

“I’m not going to say I told you so…” Iris said quietly, sitting down next to him, “In fact I’ve been meaning to talk to you about our last conversation for a while now, but you haven’t been around, I figured you were probably avoiding me. I just… I wanted to apologize, it wasn’t right for me to try and dictate your relationships like that, I should’ve supported you, I’m your best friend, and if you wanted to see him, I should’ve been there for you… I’m really sorry… especially now… since things didn’t work out… I shouldn’t have made you feel like less of a person for wanting to see where things could’ve gone between the two of you, I’m sincerely sorry.” Iris told him.

Barry didn’t say anything, nor did he turn to look at her, Iris was currently stroking his back comfortingly,

“Barry…” Barry was trying to hold himself together he was moments from breaking down again.

“You don’t have to hide your emotions around me… I swear… I won’t judge you for it.”

“Yeah you will, you meant what you said earlier, I’m glad you’re sorry, but even if you don’t mean to, you’re going to judge me for it…”

Iris took a deep breath, “That may be true, but I’m still here for you… you can break down if you need to. As strong as he was, Barry couldn’t help but take the offer, curling in on himself and beginning to sob silently once again. Iris pulled his shaking form close to her and wrapped the two of them up in the blankets on his bed, just sitting quietly and stroking the back of his head, running her fingers through his hair as he continued to cry, she felt her pajamas getting wet from the tears, but she didn’t care. Barry was seriously hurting right now, and it was beginning to break her heart as well.

The minutes dragged on and slowly, Barry’s tears came to a stop and Barry eventually brought his head back up to meet Iris’s rather pitying gaze. He didn’t really want to be pitied, it was his own fault after all, he had known what he was getting into.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Iris asked softly, “Might help you feel better, or at least sort out your emotions.”

“Not really…” Barry said quietly. “I just want to be alone...” Iris sighed and detangled herself from around Barry, throwing the covers off and moving to stand.

“Alright… I’ll leave you alone I guess, whatever you think is best for you, if you need me, just call out…” AS she neared the door, the handle twisted, and she jumped back startled, a hand on her heart, Joe stood there looking sleepy eyed in an old tee and plaid pajama pants.

“Iris? Barry? I knew I heard voices… what’s going on? It’s four in the morning.” Joe said slightly exasperated as he rubbed his eyes to clear the sleep and blurriness from them. The light from the hall shone through the door way illuminating the two of them and allowing Joe to see the state that Barry was in.

“Jesus, Bar, are you hurt? What’s going on? Iris, I didn’t mean to startle you so sorry about that, If he was hurt, why didn’t you get me right away?” Joe turned a glare onto Iris.

“Joe, no, I’m fine… I’m ok… I’m not physically hurt. Seriously, I’m fine. I didn’t mean to wake everyone up, just go on back to bed.” Barry tried to get Joe to leave before he could notice the state he was in, what he didn’t know was that Joe had already seen the tears.

“Oh really then why do you look like you’ve been crying, it’s not Jay is it? That son of a bitch, I knew there was something off about him…”

“No, no it’s not Jay… gosh, there’s nothing wrong with him, he’s cool. It’s other stuff… I just… I don’t really want to talk about it, Iris was just leaving, I’ll be fine.” Joe narrowed his eyes not believing a word that Barry was saying. 

“Sure…” Joe dragged out the word with a roll of his eyes, “Try again, this time the truth.” He said, straightening his stance and turning on the “cop dad” façade crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow, waiting for one or both of his kids to speak.

“It’s kind of personal Dad… I don’t think Barry wants you to know….”

“Well too bad, I’m worried now and I ain’t leaving until I get some damn answers. So speak.”

“No dad, really I don’t think you want to know this time…. And he shouldn’t have to tell you unless he wants to he’s not a teenager anymore.”

“He still lives under my roof and besides, if one of my kids is hurting, I want to know why. So I can fix it. Nobody hurts my children unless they go through me first.” Joe said. Even after all these years it warmed Barry’s heart a bit to hear Joe refer to him as one of his kids, especially with Wally lately. It felt good to know that he still cared so deeply about him. Iris and her dad were continuing to go back and forth, their argument getting heated as Barry just sat there partially zoned out, finally when he had enough of it, he blurted out what he couldn’t hold back anymore.

“I slept with Oliver.” He said. Oh shit… he had not meant to say that… at least not quite like that… what the hell? He’d meant to say stop fighting so why the hell that came out he wasn’t quite sure… but it was out now and Iris was staring with wide eyes as Joe gaped like a fish. Barry sighed, it was out now, he might as well explain himself before Joe had an aneurysm.

“What the hell?” Joe said beating him to the punch.

“I can explain!” Barry said quickly, his eyes wide.

“Start talking,” Joe said, slowly making his way over to Barry’s desk chair and sinking down into it. Barry fidgeted in his spot, now nervous and flushed trying to think of a way to explain how things started without telling Joe that it had basically been a bunch of fucked up rough sex that lead to all this.

“Well… it kind of just happened…”

“I thought he was engaged to Felicity!” Joe said,

“He was… but then stuff happened, she found out he had a kid, and well she was kind of the last to know and that didn’t go-”

“He’s got a KID?!”

“Yes, but it’s not really all that relevant anymore, the kid and mom are long gone, he doesn’t know where they are, it was for their own safety after things… conspired. The reason Felicity found out was because Damien Dhark was after him. You remember him right?” Joe nodded in affirmation “Well she obviously wasn’t happy about it and they broke off their engagement… that was the first time anything went down between us…” Barry wrung his fingers together in his lap and fidgeted, blushing madly at the admittance, it took a few second for Joe to catch onto what he meant and when he did he remarked with an “Oh God…” before taking a deep breath and running a hand down his face in exasperation. He motioned for him to continue and Barry did,

“It wasn’t like an immediate connection… I mean I’ve liked him for a long time but I never let myself get involved because I didn’t want to ruin his relationship with Felicity or anything… and well, his reputation isn’t really the best… and God…. I should’ve known better. Anyway, I was really just trying to offer him any kind of comfort, he was a real mess after she initially broke things off and refused to see him for a while… that was about a month and a half ago now….” Barry trailed off, thinking back in time. Joe nodded, he was still trying to process.

Things were a bit rough… he wasn’t exactly the perfect gentlemen the first time things happened and I just… I was embarrassed that I let myself be that venerable… and mad at him for just treating me like a one night stand. So we didn’t speak for a while but when we did he told me that he was sorry for what he’d done and that while he still had some feelings for Felicity, he couldn’t lie and say that he didn’t feel anything when he was with me. He told me then that he wanted to first clear things up with Felicity before he got my hopes up any farther… he’d figured out that I liked him by then… I don’t exactly know how… but he did. He went back to starling and sorted things out, once again called me and told me that Felicity had not only completely rejected the possibility of them ever having a relationship again, but also quitting the team… and again he was pretty upset, he accidently called me when he was upset and I just… I couldn’t leave him upset like that, knowing he was hurting so I went over and well again, once thing lead to another… but this time it was different. He stayed, and in the morning he told me he wanted to try things out, this time it was me who was wary but in the end I agreed…. And well, we started dating… we wet on quite a few dates and it really seemed like he was getting over her but then… then… he almost died and Felicity realized all along what she was giving up and fuck… I hate myself so much… I can’t believe I fell for it all… I should’ve fucking known….” Barry was in tears again, and Joe was confused.

“Barry…”

“Shit sorry, it’s just… remember the Bug Eyed Bandit? Brie Larven? Felicity and Atom helped me take her down last year, well she got out and was after the chip in Felicity’s spine and she unleashed this Army of bees at Palmer tech, and while Oliver and Felicity weren’t exactly on speaking terms, She still was friendly with the rest of the team and no matter what Oliver wouldn’t have let her get hurt, Thea was trapped to so that might’ve had something to do with it, but probably not, anyway, this time when we were fighting the bees one stung him and it actually started multiplying inside of him and was on track to basically gut him from the inside. It was pretty scary and he almost died, and I’m not completely sure how things went down but I got back and the first thing I saw was Oliver… and her… and they were kissing, they were all over each other and I just, I couldn’t do it… I ran out and I half expected Oliver to reject her and come back home…. Where I was… I was at his place, but he didn’t…. not for a few hours… and I know… I knew the second he stepped into that door that he’d been with her… and that he wasn’t over her… he said it was a mistake but I just… I couldn’t, God…. I’m such a fucking idiot… I never should’ve gotten involved in the first place… and Iris… Iris warned me. If his reputation wasn’t already enough warning… but I just…. I thought he’d changed… and the dates… the talks… he as always so sincere… I really thought…. I really thought that maybe we could have worked things out. But as soon as he came in…. God, he smelled like her…. And he looked wrecked but just so god damn happy at the same time for the few seconds until his eyes laded on me… I’d never seen him look that happy or peaceful with me… and I just… I didn’t want to put myself through it… and right now I’m just reeling… I’ll be okay eventually…. I just…. I really need time…”

Joe had known something was off with Barry for a while he’d just never expected something of this magnitude…. He was mad as hell, that was for sure… but now, looking at how broken and fragile Barry looked as he curled in on himself again ad cried he couldn’t muster up the energy to be angry and yell, in fact, the sight before him had pretty much ripped the ability for him to speak right out of him, he had no words, his body moved on autopilot. Iris already sitting next to him and pulling him to her shoulder to cry, a hand coming to rub at his back. Joe  sat down on the side of the bed as well and took over rubbing soothing circles into Barry’s back, a his hand occasionally reaching up to stroke through his short hair as well, quietly hushing him and just trying to offer comfort in any way he could as he continued to process all the new information just relayed to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, it always makes my day! Sorry if this chapter seems rushed, the next ones won't be as chaotic I swear.


	19. Playing With Fire: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, but drama insues!!!

****So that was as long as it took. That was how little he meant to him after all. Barry felt sick. The rest of the team gathered around the monitors gushing over his proposal to Felicity. Caitlin's head moved at the perfect moment for Barry to catch a glimpse of the two of them caught in a lip lock and in moments he was out of the room. The only sign that he'd ever been there in the first place the slight remnants of a breeze. All heads turned to the door to where Barry stood. Caitlin furrowed a brow in confusion but quickly brushed it off as just Barry being Barry and having the sudden urge to run.

And run Barry did. He ran and he ran and he ran. His tears blurring his vision but quickly being cleared by the sheer force of the speed he was going at. He sped through the streets of the city, out of town, he ran on autopilot. His feet carrying him to the loft he and Oliver had spent their nights together in. He phased through the door without a second thought. In a whirlwind he sped around the apartment in anger plates and glasses shattering in his wake, the covers being ripped from the bed, pillows being torn open, feathers flying everywhere. Photographs overturned and left with their frames shattered. The bedroom, kitchen, and living room left in shambles. Curtains were ripped to shreds and left on the floor in the middle of the mess of firewood, spilled red wine, whiskey and broken wine glasses. He sped into the bathroom and with the last bit of energy he had left he rammed his fist into the mirror. Yelping with pain when he remembered he wasn't wearing his gloves. The glass shattered and pieces of the mirror rained down onto the bathroom counter. Barry blurred to a halt. Looking at his bloodied fist and the broken mirror in front of him in shock. He couldn't believe what he'd just done. He felt sick all over again this time from guilt. He sped out of the loft without a glance at the destruction he'd left behind and sped his way back home. He only came to a stop when he was back at home in Joe's kitchen. Joe jumped in surprise at Barry speeding in.

"Dammit Bar, what have I told you about speeding in the house?"

When Barry didn't immediately answer with a smart quip back he quickly turned to glance at him doing a double take at what he saw. Barry was white as a sheet. His hands vibrated sporadically as the rest of his body shook slightly. The blood from his hands quickly dripping onto the floor. Joe looked startled. He dropped the spoon into the pot that he was stirring and pushed Barry back to seat him in a chair.

"Oh my god, Barr sit down."

He rushed to get the first aid kit from the bathroom. Coming back to kneel in front of him. He pulled out the pair of tweezers and dipped them in a bottle of alcohol to sterilize them.

"I'm going to need you to stop moving so I can get a good look at this." Barry blurred to a stop and Joe took his hand in his own. Seeing the shards of glass sticking out of them.

"What happened?!"

"Punched a mirror." Barry answered, no emotion in his voice. Joe decided he wasn't going to get any more of an explanation and set to work. He removed the shards of glass, blood continuing to ooze from the lacerations as he went. He finished with that and set the tweezers down, picking up the bottle of alcohol and warning Barry before continuing,

"This is going to sting. Badly." He gave Barry a second to brace himself. He took a cotton ball soaked in alcohol and began to dab at some of the smaller lacerations. He then told Barry to stand and come over to the sink with him so he could wash the deeper cuts out. Barry did so without a word and let Joe do all the work, seeming to be in some sort of trance. He went back to sit down in the chair, Joe following with a paper towel in hand. He took Barry's hands in his own again to pat them dry before taking out the antibiotic cream and some gauze. He finished off bandaging both hands and then cleaned up the supplies. All the while Barry sat there with a faraway look in his eyes. Joe came back into the kitchen and turned off the stove before sighing and turning to Barry.

"Barr," he said, no answer coming from the younger male. "Barry..." he tried again. Barry's head snapped towards him. He gestured with his head for Barry to follow him. Leading him into the living room to sit down.

"Alright, now you want to explain to me just why you were punching mirrors? Don't tell me there's a new meta with some kind of mirror powers," Barry shook his head.

"Alright, then what was it?"

A silence stretched between them as Barry fought back tears. He tried to get himself under control. He didn't trust himself to speak. He swallowed back the lump in his throat before finally opening his mouth to talk, his voice cracking on the first words, he cleared his throats and blinked rapidly before continuing.

"He asked her to marry him. It hasn't even been three weeks. I can't...did I really mean that little to him? He told me he thought he loved me... how can he just... It hasn't even been a month. I just... I don't understand." Joe pulled him into his side. Barry quickly accepting the comfort. He didn't cry though. Just heaved quietly, biting his lip as he tried to stifle the next ragged breath. No tears fell as he tried to get himself under control. He didn't want to cry anymore. Oliver didn't deserve any more of his tears. Yet to no avail, a few tears slipped through making their way down his cheeks.

"Barr... I'm so sorry... I truly am so sorry. But I still don't understand how this pertains to you punching a mirror. Barry let out a self loathing chuckle, before pulling away from Joe. "I kind of broke the mirror in his loft...and maybe messed up a few other things while I was there...ok more than a few things. I don't know what came over me." Joe looked shocked.

"What?!"

"I'm sorry I know I fucked up. It was like it wasn't even me doing it. When I came to a stop here it felt like I had never left. I don't know... I just... it was like an out of body experience I just got so angry..." Barry trailed off in his rambling to see Joe's expression of disapproval.

"Ok what he did to you is unforgivable but breaking and entering plus property damage could cause you to lose your job. This was a stupid and reckless move Barr. I have a feeling if you call and explain no charges will be filed but if you don't things could get complicated. It won't matter if he decides to press charges, if CCPD gets wind of what you did you could lose your job."

Barry knew he'd messed up, and for some reason the words that Joe said only succeeded in making him angrier.

"Did you not just hear me! I know I fucked up," he snapped.

"Don't talk to me like that, I don't deserve to be spoken to like that just because you're angry at yourself." Barry deflated, knowing Joe was right and feeling bad instantly.

"I'm sorry..." he said, Joe sighed and pulled him in for a tight hug.

"I know you are. I'm sorry too...I'm sorry that he put you through all this. But I know you're going to do what's right..." Barry pulled away silently and gave Joe a self pitying upturn of his lips before disappearing in the blink of an eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello, yes it's me again. Finally. Yes I know it's been for-fucking-ever since I've updated. I know I've put this off for months after months and unfortunately I can't say that I'm back for good yet but I'm going to do my best to keep up with this with semi-regular updates until September. (Every two weeks) I make no promises though. Thanks for reading if you're still here after all this time! I really do appreciate it!


	20. Playing With Fire: Part II

Oliver stepped into the apartment, Diggle on his heels, it had been a long day at the campaign office and tonight Diggle had come over with something important he’d wanted Oliver’s help with. The lights turned on automatically as they stepped inside and immediately Oliver came to a halt. Diggle ran right into him due to his abrupt stop,

“What the-?” Diggle remarked, before taking a step back, ready to ask more about why Oliver had stopped when his eye caught a glimpse of the room in front of him. His jaw dropped in awe as Oliver stood beside him, eyes wide.

“Cover me,” he said immediately, Diggle pulled his gun from the hidden holster on his hip, cocking it, and following. Oliver grabbed his bow and quiver from underneath the cabinet by the door, drawing it quickly and beginning to slink through the loft. He carefully stepped over pieces of broken glass and other debris which littered the floor around the wall that hid the kitchen, nobody was there, but it was in a state of disarray as well, he turned to his right and crept over to the second wall which hid the bedroom from sight, no one was there either. After clearing the whole loft, he and Diggle both drew back their weapons and stood in the center of the living room taking in the mess around them.

 The couch was tipped over, one of the leather armchairs had been ripped into multiple times with a sharp object, the decorative pillows ripped, their down scattered across the floor intermixed with the broken shards of the glass coffee table. The houseplant in the corner had been tipped over, the soil spilling out onto the floor and over onto one of the corners of the rug that was under the dining room table. The chairs of the dining room table were tipped over this way and that, one of them broken and in pieces. The vase of flowers on the table was broken, leaving water and now dead flowers in its wake. Every cupboard in the kitchen had been opened as well, all but a few of them left completely bare, plates, mugs, and glasses all in dangerous sharp pieces on the floor. The fridge and freezer had even been left open, leaving all the food in it to spoil. Oliver slowly waked over to the fireplace, his mother’s ashes still in their urn undisturbed, he was glad to see. The fake vase of flowers and the candle on the mantle had been knocked over, he moved to set them up right as his foot hit something on the floor., he looked down underneath his foot was a picture frame that had used to hold a picture of himself and Felicity from their trip to London. The two had been kissing in the rain in front of Big Ben and a photographer who had also been sightseeing had captured the cute moment and offered to send them a copy when he printed them. The glass was broken on the frame and the photo had been taken out, the side of it looking as if it had been slightly singed by the fire from the fireplace.  Another frame also laid out broken next to this one, and this time the photo in it was gone, Oliver looked down to see the torn piece of Felicity’s smile the rest of the torn pieces of the photo littered next to the frame as well, this photo the both of them had been smiling and holding onto each other in front of the Eiffel tower in Paris. He looked over to the far wall to see that the picture they’d just hung up had been ripped from the wall as well and shattered. That one had been taken recently at the proposal. All the other photos sitting on the cabinet by the door and hanging on the wall by the stairs had not been disturbed at all, except for the fact that a few of them were now crooked. Only the ones of he and Felicity having been defiled. Immediately he knew who had done all of this.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, Diggle stood behind him,

“Oliver, are you ok? I’ve been calling your name for about a minute now.”

“Yeah… I’m fine… sorry.”

“We should call the police. Someone broke in here. It might be a long shot but my best guess was it was Dhark’s ghosts. And maybe they left some forensic evidence behind this time. I doubt it but we should at least check.”

“No… no need for that. I know who did this… it’s not related to Dhark… don’t worry about it.” Oliver still looked slightly dazed as he spoke. Diggle gave him and odd look,

“Well if it wasn’t Dhark, who did it? And why? This is a lot of damage. Are they dangerous?”

“No. Just want to get a message across I think, really it’s nothing to worry about. I’ll be fine, why don’t you head home for now and we can talk tomorrow morning, I need to start cleaning some of this up,”

“Oliver, they completely trashed your whole entire loft, there’s nothing I don’t see that hasn’t been misplaced or ruined in some way, how can this not be something to worry about and send what message who would need to send you a message? Especially one this severe.”

“John, for real, it’s fine. I know who did this, nobody else is in danger from it, it’s really and truly not anything to worry about. Just a bit of a misunderstanding. I have plenty of money to replace things now. Really I’ll be fine.”

Diggle crossed his arms and stood taller giving Oliver a raised eyebrow and the distinct look of someone who smelled bullshit.

Oliver rolled his eyes. “Really, I’m not going to budge on this one, please. Just leave it alone.” Diggle sighed, uncrossing his arms, he knew how stubborn Oliver could be when he wanted, and his tone told him that he really wasn’t going to crack any time soon so he sighed and turned on his heel.

“Whatever man, I’ll call you in the morning, I really do have something to talk to you about but it can wait, you’ve got something bigger it seems on your hands at the moment.” Diggle carefully maneuvered his way around the mess and back over to the door.

“Don’t think I’m done grilling you, you will tell me what the hell is going on,”

“In your dreams.” Oliver said sarcastically, taking out his phone and unlocking it as Diggle turned the doorknob and let himself out.

Text>:From>:Oliver Queen >> To: Barry Allen:

Oliver Queen: We need to talk (Sent 1:23AM)

Barry Allen: … (1:25AM)

Barry Allen: I’m on my way b there in 15 (Sent: 1:26AM)

Oliver sighed and slipped his phone back in his pocket, heading over to the kitchen to close the fridge and freezer and begin the task of cleaning up as he waited.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know it's only a 1,000ish word update, but I promise the next one is going to be at least 3,500 words. I just really wanted to get something up for the time being. I would like to thank [MindyMN](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindyMN/pseuds/MindyMN) for helping me SO MUCH with this story, she really got me out of a huge bout of writers block and gave me some great ideas and motivation for where to take this story, so please if you haven't already, go read her epic Olivarry fic, "Second Looks" and leave her a nice comment on it, it's amazing. Thanks again Mindy!!!


	21. Unlove You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get used to updates this fast, it might be a little while before the next one, I just got crazy motivated this last week thanks to MindyMN.

_~I can't unlove you_ __  
My heart can't unbreak  
I can't unfeel how it felt  
But feel so much myself  
My whole body ached  
And I can't unknow this  
Lord, I wish I knew how  
But I can't unlove you  
So come love me for now~

_“Unlove You” -Jennifer Nettles_

 

Barry skidded to a stop outside the apartment door, he panted softly before righting himself. For some reason, that run had taken more out of him than usual, he looked at his watch and saw that it had also taken him longer. For now, he shrugged it off but made a mental note to mention it to Caitlin and Cisco when he got back. Zoom was on their tail and it wouldn’t do for him to start getting out of shape now. He lightly knocked on the door and waited. A moment later Oliver opened it, he didn’t even look angry at him, simply just worn out and tired. Barry stepped inside and before Oliver could say anything, Barry began speeding around the room leaving the smell of crackling lightning in his wake. Oliver stood there, for at least a minute in a half as the wreckage of the apartment disappeared before his very eyes. The sound of a vacuum hummed for about 15 seconds and then turned off, the sound of water came on for about 10 before it shut off as well. Barry came to a halt once again, cursing as he brought his hand up to his mouth to suck on it,

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just a tiny cut.” Oliver rolled his eyes and went over to Barry, taking his hand and seeing blood from a fairly deep gash between the crook of his thumb and pointer finger,

“That’s not a tiny cut, stay here.” Oliver went over to the kitchen and pulled his home made first aid kit down from on top of the fridge before grabbing a few paper towels, he motioned Barry over and he appeared a moment later next to him.

“Must you speed everywhere you go? It was less than 20 feet from there to me?”

Barry shrugged and Oliver took a hold of his wrist, pulling it over the sink and turning on the water, Barry jumped slightly, the water cold and stinging the wound, he took the bottle of alcohol and without warning, poured it over the cut to disinfect it, Barry let out a sharp cry before glaring over at Oliver, who didn’t look at him, but still murmured a soft sorry as he began to bandage the wound. Barry brought his other gauzed hand up to mess with his other now wrapped hand and wiggled his fingers around to test the gauze as Oliver put the first aid supplies away. Barry, for some reason, had gotten distracted by testing the flexibility of the gauze and was still playing with his hand when Oliver turned around.

“Don’t do that, you’re going to make it bleed through the bandage.” Barry, startled out of his trance, jumped slightly, and Oliver couldn’t help but smile as he immediately snapped his hands to his side and stood up straight looking sheepish like a chastised child.

“Now, we need to talk.” Barry opened his mouth to speak but Oliver held up a hand, he silently walked passed him and into the living room to sit on the couch. He motioned with his head for Barry to come over as well. Barry did as asked, this time, not flashing over, and he only debated a moment, glancing once at the couch and once at the ripped leather armchair before gingerly sitting down in the armchair a few feet away from Oliver.

“I’m sorry.” The two of them both said at the exact same time. Barry couldn’t help but blush. They were so in sync, why couldn’t Oliver see that?

The next words rushed out of his mouth before he could think, “I’m so sorry… I don’t know what came over me, this is just…this isn’t like me at all I don’t get angry and break things, much less cause this much destruction…it’s just… I saw you guys and I got so…I got so upset and it’s not right…I was the one that rejected you, I don’t have any right to be upset with who you chose to be with now, I made my bed, now I have to lie in it. No matter how cold it is…I just… why does it have to be her? It could be anyone else and I think I’d be fine… just… fuck…that came out wrong, forget that last comment. I just…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do all of this, I’ll pay for everything to be replaced. I swear. I’m sorry…I’m just so sorry.” Barry covered his face with his hands in shame. Oliver let the silence stretch between them for a few moments.

“Well, it’s a start. At least you cleaned it all up, saved me a lot of time, I must say though… leaving the fridge and freezer open, something I never would’ve thought of, clever.” A small smirk played on his lips.

Barry couldn’t help but turn even redder at that, “I’ll pay for your groceries this week too, I swear.”

“What did you do to your other hand?”

Barry pulled another awkward sheepish face and said, “Your bathroom mirror…” Oliver’s eyebrows rose, he hadn’t even checked the bathroom,

“You really didn’t leave any stone unturned did you?”

“I’m sorry.” Barry said again.

“Look, I’m not mad, and I kind of understand why you did it, but I need to know that something like this won’t happen again, Diggle’s asking questions and other people will too.”

“You can tell them I really don’t care at this point anyway, I deserve that much for what I’ve done.”

“I won’t tell them, it wouldn’t be right of me to do that, after all, this is partially my fault, I didn’t even think about how you might feel after this…I know it must hurt, but like you said, you did reject me…but ok, I’m not helping…anyway, it is partially my fault, I should’ve probably waited a little longer than I did to propose, she just kind of found the ring, but that’s another matter…anyway…I’m sorry if I made you feel like you didn’t matter…because…I really did have feelings for you Barry, you’re an amazing guy, and I’m sorry I fucked you over like I did… especially since I knew how much you liked me… it wasn’t right.” Barry had looked down again, putting his face in his hands, and Oliver stood up, coming closer to him and kneeling down in front of him to gently remove his hands from his face,

“Barry, please, look at me.” Barry shook his head, inhaling shakily and biting his lip, he didn’t want to cry, he was fed up with crying over Oliver, but he couldn’t help himself as a few hot tears spilled from his eyes, he sniffed and took a deep breath, pulling away from Oliver and looking the other way in effort to hide his tears, rather ineffectively, but still.

“Fuck…I’m so sorry, I’m a mess.” Barry bit his lip and tried to get himself under control, but he couldn’t.

“Look, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, but I really need to go…” Barry stood up, stumbling to his feet when he realized trying to resist the tears was going to be futile, he couldn’t see well enough to speed out and as he tried to wipe his eyes, he was unable to because of the thick gauze on his hands, so instead he blinked, trying to get them clear, but that only seemed to make it worse, he lifted his shirt to dab at his eyes and that finally worked for a minute, but more tears were making their way from his tear ducts and he couldn’t stop. He needed to get out of there, he didn’t want to let Oliver see him like this.

“Barry…” Oliver grabbed his wrist firmly, just in time, for he’d been about to speed away, but the grip on his wrist was now holding him back.

“Oliver please…I said I’m sorry…and I said I’ll pay for the damage…please I just… I…please…just let me go, I’m sorry…” Oliver tugged him back and pulled him into his chest, hugging him, his throat tightened seeing the state Barry was in. He hated himself, knowing that it was him that had done this to the man. All he wanted to do was to make things better. Barry was now crying in earnest between mumbling “I’m sorry,” every few seconds and a few other choice curse words, as he registered what was happening, Barry attempted to pull away, being this close to Oliver was doing nothing to help his completely shattered heart and muddled thoughts, but Oliver held tighter. Finally, he loosened his grip, and Barry violently pulled away, turning away and hugging himself, as he once again tried to get a grip. Oliver reached out again, placing a hand on Barry’s shoulder, this time, Barry whipped around,

“Please, just stop touching me! I just… please… it isn’t helping…I can see it in your eyes, all you’re trying to do is make me feel better, and I can tell that all you want to do is fix things, you’ve got that same determined look in your eyes you get when you’re trying to save people…but this can’t be fixed… and there’s no use trying to save me now, I’m already hurt… and I just… this can’t be fixed…especially not by you. I just need a minute and then I’ll get out of your life… and I think it would be best if we don’t see each other anymore after this. I’m sorry but I just don’t think I can handle it.” Barry breathed raggedly, he felt sick with emotion, his stomach felt like it had dropped to his feet and his chest physically ached to say the words he was saying.

“Barry, please there has to be something…”

“There’s nothing you can do!” Barry cried incredulously back at him, throwing his hands in the air and turning back around to face him before continuing to shout, “For once in your life can you please stop being selfish and let me be! Fuck, you always need to try and make yourself feel better when something bad happens it seems, but not everything can be fixed by you and not everything is your fault. Hell, barely anything you’ve ever tried to fix has been your fault, this might be, but it’s not entirely your fault, it’s my fault too… I should’ve never fallen for someone like you… I knew about the line of broken heart’s you’ve left in your wake and I should’ve known better then to get involved.”  Barry breathed heavily before muttering under his breath, “Biggest mistake of my life…”

Now that hurt, that stung, but Oliver knew he probably deserved it after how he treated Barry. Barry wiped his tears away again and looked at Oliver, he couldn’t help but shamelessly take him in once more. He really had no intentions of seeing the other man again, or at least not for a long while.

He couldn’t help but let his mind wander to if he hadn’t rejected him, would they still be here today? Would he have decided to take Felicity back in the end anyway? Maybe, just maybe if he’d forgiven him, understanding that he just got caught up in the moment and let him talk it out, maybe, they could’ve worked past it and he could’ve loved him enough to clear away any of the longing he felt for Felicity. God, he would love him with everything in him if given the chance again, why had he been so fucking stupid? He had been prideful at that moment thinking back. He knew how Oliver had been trying to get over Felicity from how she’d been toying with his heart, and yet he’d still gotten involved, and if Oliver loved Felicity with the same amount of passion that Barry loved him, he could completely understand why Oliver did what he did. He really hadn’t even given him time to explain himself correctly. They should’ve just gone to bed and talked about it with a clear head in the morning, but in the moment he’d been so frustrated and fed up, that he’d walked out. And now his chance was gone. Some people may have said that he didn’t deserve the way that Oliver had treated him, and true, in the beginning, when it had all started, he didn’t deserve what he’d done, how he’d used him, but after they’d agreed to try things out, maybe he should’ve been more patient. After all, it takes two to tango.

Oliver stared at Barry, tears having now formed in his eyes as well, “I’m sorry Barry…I’m sorry I hurt you and I hope you can find peace someday… one day, you’ll find someone, I know you will, someone who will treat you a million times better than I have and you’ll know that you made the right choice…I don’t deserve someone like you, hell, I don’t deserve Felicity either, but by the grace of some higher being…” he trailed off, Barry had stepped closer to him, they were almost chest to chest, Barry lifted a bandaged hand and let it brush over Oliver’s cheek, he knew what he was about to do would probably just about destroy him, but if this was how he was going to go out, then so be it. At least he’d get one last moment of sweet serenity.

“Can I…” he trailed off, Oliver’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he gulped and gave a quick nod of his head, Barry closed his eyes as he pressed his lips to Oliver’s, relishing in the moment of their mouths slotting together perfectly and Oliver’s own gentle reciprocation. After a few seconds he pulled away, not waiting to give Oliver a goodbye glance, instead flashing away, leaving a gust of air following his absence. Oliver was left standing alone in the center of the living room, staring at the now open door in silence with a heavy heart.

-

Oliver had only been standing there a few moments when he heard the ding of the elevator and the slight muted sound of heels on thin carpet when Felicity appeared in the doorway.

“Did I just see Barry speeding out of here?” She said puzzled, glancing around, “Wow, it doesn’t look like your place was trashed. Diggle called me and told me what happened, that must’ve been Barry, did you just call him so you could clean up the place faster? Felicity asked with an oblivious smile, her face fell when she noticed Oliver’s blank look, “Oliver?”

“Hmm?” Oliver snapped out of it and his attention landed on her, “Yeah, sorry, just mentioned it to him and he sped over here before I could stop him,” Oliver forced a chuckle, and Felicity came over to him to place a peck on his lips, and for some reason, this kiss just felt wrong to Oliver, he shrugged it off though and once again focused on Felicity who’d begun speaking again.

-

Barry felt like his chest was about to burst, he was running back to Central, his vision slightly blurred from tears, he’d sped through a Big Belly Burger on the way out of town, he knew he’d have to eat if he wanted to make it back to central. But now he felt even sicker as he ran, he couldn’t even cry, his body was moving too fast, he turned at the edge of town, speeding his way down a dirt road and onto the porch of a cabin nestled a little ways into the woods, he stopped, gasping trying to catch his breath, before he could knock the door was wrenched open and the telltale whirr of a weapon being charged up rang through his ears, he couldn’t even pull himself together enough to put his hands up in surrender, instead, he crashed into the person at the door, vibrating with pent up energy, and attacking their lips with a forceful kiss,

“Please… God… Please… make me forget… I need to forget.”

-

Leonard Snart had been awake reading in the dim light of the TV as his partner, Mick, sat on the couch watching reruns of some inappropriate animated comedy he himself had no interest in. The two of them were general night owls, they often slept during the day because of their routines of pulling jobs at night. So he was awake when he saw the flash of light pass the window and heard the sound of someone at their door. This cabin, unlike their safe houses around town, was more of his permanent residence, and the only people who knew about it were Lisa, Mick, and Hartley. Or so he thought, so it was a complete surprise to him when he opened the door to be faced with none other than Central City’s own scarlet speedster, he didn’t even have a chance to ask how or why the young man was there before he found himself being kissed.

Now he and Mick had an open relationship and had been known to each take other lovers in the past, sometimes even having the occasional threesome together, but how Barry would know this, he wasn’t quite sure… unless Lisa had loser lips than he’d realized. She knew that he’d been seeing Cisco for some time now, no matter how well she tried to hide it. He was going to confront her about it one of these days. He came back to his senses and pushed Barry away. The younger male was vibrating and crying and looked like an absolute wreck from where he stood.

Barry choked on apologies through tears as he said “God, fuck…I’m so- s-sorry…I don’t…I don’t know what c-c-came o-ovv-over m-me…”

“Scarlet… breathe…” Len said, coming over to him and reaching out to grip his shoulders and steady him.

“I need you to breathe for me, ok?” Leonard guided Barry over to the couch and sat him down, Mick just stared at the young man slightly wide eyed, he got up and made his way out of the room, Leonard took a second to wonder if his partner was ok, but decided that at the moment, Barry should be his main focus. What the hell could have possibly happened to the kid to make him like this?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you expect what Barry did at the end there? Also, would you guys read a ColdFlashWave smut scene? Would you guys like it to be a stand alone? Would you rather me just not go into detail and just gloss over what happens? I feel like writing it at least a little bit in detail would really help to get across what Barry's mental state is, but this is supposed to be an Olivarry fic so I understand if you guys don't want to read it. Please comment and let me know though! Also, should I tag ColdFlashWave since they are going to have sex (the amount of detail is up to you guys)? Or not, since it's not a major relationship? Please tell me your thoughts and thanks for reading!


	22. The High, The Hurt, The Shine, The Sting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you don't want to read ColdFlashWave smut, you can skip this chapter. I really just wanted to write smut that wasn't Olivarry...I have little to no other excuse for this. But it is part of what Barry thinks he needs to heal, we'll see if he comes to regret it in the next chapter.   
> There is a little part about Len's backstory, I decided to have something similar happen to him, that kind of explains why this whole situation really pisses him off so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Len and Mick seem a bit OOC, I'm sorry. I just have a lot of opinions and thoughts about how I think their dynamic is as ColdWave, especially as ColdWave in a romantic relationship, I swear I could probably write a 10 page essay on it.

Mick peered around the corner from the kitchen, Len motioned that it was ok for him to come closer and he did. A mug of tea in his hands.

"Hey Scarlett, look at me, Mick brought you some tea do you think you can drink it?"

Barry looked up, still trying to get control of his ragged crying. He took the cup with red rimmed eyes and shaking hands, taking a small sip with a soft thank you.

"Welcome kid,"

Len waited until Barry had drank about half the cup before speaking again,

"Do you wanna tell us about what's going on?" “I can leave if you want me to,” Mick said from beside Barry in his gruff voice.

“No!” Barry said rather loudly, startling the two, “Sorry…no… its ok if you stay…I’d like you to stay.” He said quietly.

Mick shrugged and turned off the TV, turning his attention to Barry, Len prompted Barry again,

“So, do you want to tell us what happened?”

Barry took another long sip of his tea before shaking his head ‘no’ slowly. He put his mug on the table in front of him and brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them as he placed his head on top of his knees.  

“Come on Scarlett, it’ll probably make you feel better if you talk about it.” Barry still shook his head no, Len sighed, “Alright, I’m going to guess then, and you can just nod if I’m right, is it Queen? I saw the headlines. It’s Queen isn’t it?” Barry nodded slowly, this time in a ‘yes’ motion.

“I knew it…. That son of a bitch. What did he do to you?”

“I just… Felicity came back into the picture and while we hadn’t for sure decided that we were exclusive, we’d just been on a date, and then the next day we were fighting these robotic bees, and he almost died, and apparently Felicity realized what she’d given up and then she kissed him… and he kissed her back, I wanted to chalk it up to shock at first, but then they pulled away from each other and there was this _look_ in his eyes, and I couldn’t… I knew I couldn’t ever match up to how he felt about her, so I left… and I went back to the apartment, I figured he’d come back soon, but it was late when he came back, and I knew…I just knew he’d been with her. And I just couldn’t get myself to forgive him… I told him it was over and that I hoped he was happy. But then… it didn’t take any longer than two weeks. Two weeks was all it took for him to ask her to marry him. It’s like I meant nothing at all. Sure we’d really just been sleeping together, but he told me that he’d wanted to try, he told me he liked me and that he thought he could even love me, and fuck… I’d been in love with him already for so long, and I knew that he was trying to get over Felicity… I just… I fucked up and now, I just I feel like I have no right to be mad… we weren’t _really_ together when he slept with her, so it shouldn’t feel like cheating… but it did… it felt like he cheated on me. And I just… I hate myself because I still love him… I was the one who turned him away, he was going to apologize and he wanted to try again, but I couldn’t…I just can’t compete with her. And now I’ve lost him forever and I just feel like I’m never going to heal from this… destroying his home didn’t make me feel any better like I thought it would, but it did nothing, it’s so stupid I know, you’re probably thinking ‘he’s just a guy’, but he’s not… he’s so much more…but I just…I see him when I close my eyes, I dream about him… I can still smell his scent on my clothes. I can feel him… everywhere, I can still feel him inside me… I can feel his touch and his lips and I just… I want it to all go away. And right now… everything just… it’s too much, it’s so much that I feel like… I just feel like I can’t even breathe. Is this what it really feels like to be in love with someone? Because if so I just…I never want to love anyone else again…” Barry’s rambling had gone on for a while, by the end of it he’d completely dissolved into tears. Mick had pulled him into his warm arms and was now hushing him and stroking his hair gently with a large warm hand. Whispering gruff, but soft reassurances. Len sat stock still, his hands balled into fists, his whole body felt hot with rage, his stare cold as ice as he stared off into space,

“I’m going to ice that son of a bitch…” Len stood up and charged over to the closet where his gun and parka was, ignoring Barry’s protests, one hundred percent fueled by anger. He’d warned the bastard, and he’d hurt Barry anyway.

Mick’s loud commanding voice eventually managed to penetrate his thoughts, “Snart!” he said angrily. Sharply jerking his head towards the study that was off of the living room, signaling that he wanted to talk to him. Len huffed annoyed, but put down his gloves, gun and boots, and stalked into the study.

“I’ll be right back doll,” Mick told Barry as he pried the younger male, who’d wrapped himself around him like an octopus, Barry curled back in on himself and Mick draped the fleece throw over him to keep him warm before he went to talk to Len. Closing the door behind him Mick crossed his arms and stared Leonard down.

“What the hell?! I was about to go ice that son of a bitch, God, I warned him…How could anyone do this to Scarlett, I mean I probably deserved what happened to me, I am not a good person, but Barry, why would anyone ever want to break his heart like this… God, I fucking hate guys like Queen… just because they have status and money they think they can get away with anything… spoiled bastard, he deserves everything that happened to him on that island, should’ve died there, would’ve saved a lot of people a hell of a lot of grief.” Len was fuming, “When I get my hands on him, god, he’s not only going to get iced but I’m going to-”

“SNART!” Mick barked loudly, Len paused in his rambling verbal rampage as Mick stepped up to him, grabbing him by the lapels of his parka and kissing him soundly on the mouth, hands bracketing his face, Len’s own hands immediately came up to grab at the back of Mick’s fire resistant suit, his hands fisted into the fabric as he trembled with pent up fury.

Barry’s situation was so close to one he’d been in as a younger male, romanced by a slightly older gentleman who was rich and suave, and just out of serious relationship, and looking for a rebound. He’d romanced Len in to believing that they had a chance of being together, Len had even gone straight for the year and a half he’d been with him, the man’s promises of safety, love, and care for his sister was alluring. He’d fallen so deeply for the guy, only to come home to the apartment that he’d been sharing with his sister that was being paid for by said man… he never let himself even think his name anymore, to an eviction notice, a disconnected number, and a little sister who was hungry and scared. After stealing enough for a meal and a hotel room for the night, he’d broken back into the man’s house for answers… only to have tripped the silent alarms. The ex-girlfriend came out of the room with the man, who denied knowing him at all and let him be taken away by law enforcement. He’d lost his sister, who had to go back home to their dad because she was still underage, and he’d been thrown back into jail without much of a second thought due to all of his prior offenses. The following years were hell for his sister and he never would forgive the guy for what he’d done to the both of them. He’d fallen into a depression at the jail… letting himself be everyone’s bitch, in every meaning of the word. His trust and heart was broken. When he got out he decided that he didn’t need anyone else, vowing to guard his heart forever, for his and his sister’s sake. Then Mick appeared again… it had been about eight years since they’d first met in juvie, but he did eventually learn to crack the armor surrounding Len and thaw the criminal’s heart… it wasn’t easy, and it was a long road to trusting again, but he’s thankful every day that Mick came back into his life now. But he understood how Barry felt. He wouldn’t ever wish the pain and loathing he’d felt at the time on anyone, not even his horrible bastard of a Father.

Mick pulled away from Len, still keeping him close, speaking to him while looking him directly in the eyes, “You didn’t deserve _anything_ that fucking asshole did to you. No matter what you’d done in your past… nobody deserves to feel the way you felt,” Len sniffed, trying his hardest to keep the tears at bay he hadn’t cried in years…he buried his own face into the crook between Mick’s neck and shoulder and tried to ignore the hot tears that spilled from his eyes, Mick continued to talk, holding him tightly as he spoke, “And I know, I know you never got to truly put all that anger to rest, and you want to ice Queen for what he did to Barry, but this isn’t about you, and you can’t make it about you… this is about Barry and what he needs. The asshole that did all that to you will never touch you again, I’d light him up and watch him burn if he came within a ten mile radius of you. But Barry doesn’t want revenge right now, it sounds like he’s already gotten his own revenge actually, and now he just needs someone to help him heal.

Len sighed, inhaling a shaky breath, and nodding into Mick’s chest before pulling away. He blinked rapidly, hoping his eyes weren’t too red and the fact that he was crying wasn’t evident. He tipped his head back and took in a few more sharp inhales through his nose, feeling himself finally calm down,

“You look fine he won’t suspect a thing, just don’t rub your eyes,” Mick commented, reading his partner’s mind.

“Ok…” Len moved in and planted one more soft kiss on Mick’s lips, both signifying a thank you and a non-verbal ‘I love you’ the two just weren’t the type to tell each other out loud. Mick nodded to him and turned around, going to head back out of the room. Len shook himself physically one more time to clear his mind of the fleeing anger and followed Mick out to face the speedster.

-

Len sat back down on Barry’s right side, Mick taking the left, he softly apologized to Barry, who nodded in acceptance of the apology,

“Barry, what you’re feeling is not stupid…I was actually…” Len swallowed the lump in his throat before continuing, “I was actually in a situation that is insanely similar to yours when I was younger… I was completely in love with an older man, he was a known playboy, but I jumped into the relationship anyway. He had an ex, but he’d promised me it was over between them and for months he strung me along, I didn’t know he’d been seeing his ex for at least half of that time, and then one day, I came to the apartment we shared, and there was a padlock on the door, an eviction notice, and when I called his number was disconnected… I was completely broken. He’d promised me so much and I’d believed him… I was absolutely gone for him and for a long time I was broken too…I convinced myself I’d never love anyone again, and that’s where the cold persona started… then Mick came along… and I’m so thankful he did every day… it might not seem like it, but we truly do make each other better people.” Barry let out a sarcastic snort at that, and Len let a smirk play at his lips, “Well, to our own standards we make each other better… maybe not to yours… which brings me to my next point, don’t close yourself off like I did… don’t let yourself become closed off and cold… you’re too good for that… someone will come along one day and you’ll fall in love again. Who knows, maybe Queen will even come to his senses, but don’t count on it, and make sure you make him work for it if he ever does, because you only deserve the very best. Barry was crying again. But he nodded.

“It just… It hurts so god damn much right now… there’s this physical ache in my chest and it won’t go away… I just… like I feel him everywhere and it feels like it’s killing me…I need something to replace it… I need…I just…” Barry was frustrated, he couldn’t word what he wanted, so once again he lunged at Len, kissing him, Len pulled away quickly and the hurt that flashed in Barry’s eyes broke his heart. But he couldn’t do this… this wasn’t what Barry needed, he was acting in the moment.

“Barry…Barry no… we can’t…”

“Why not? Don’t you want me? Cisco said you guys had an open relationship... shit, was he wrong? I’m so sorry…” Barry began to stand up, Len reached out and grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down,

“Kind of, he was kind of wrong, Mick and I aren’t in what I’d call an “open relationship” we’re both polyamorous, which I guess you could call it an open relationship, but I don’t like to label it that way. So Cisco wasn’t wrong… but you think you want this… and you don’t you’re just looking for something to take the pain away and this, I swear this isn’t the right way to do it…”

“So you don’t want me? What’s wrong with me? I can vibrate any part of my body…” Len’s eyes widened at that, and so did Mick’s but he didn’t let it deter him,

“Barry you’re not listening, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re very desirable and if you were in a different place, I wouldn’t hesitate, hell, if you asked, we wouldn’t hesitate… but you don’t need this right now… you think it’s going to make you feel better but it’s not…we’re not looking for a third person to be permeant in our relationship right now, and I don’t want you to get attached to us, just because one of us is able to take away the pain for a few minutes…”

“I won’t that’s not it at all, I swear… no offense but I don’t think I could be in a committed relationship with you… not only because of where I’m at with Oliver right now, but I just… you guys are sweet, and definitely hot… but that’s not what I want I swear…I just I need someone else to replace the feelings…I feel him in every part of me…I just…I need a new memory, can’t you understand that…I swear I won’t get attached…I just…I need this so badly… I swear it’ll help…I just need something to get him out of my mind… I can’t take it anymore... If I can get him out of my head…maybe I can think straight and start healing… but if I go home right now it’ll drive me nuts…and I don’t know what I’ll end up doing…I trust you guys… you’re the only people I’d consider doing this with currently… you already know about me… please… just… take it away…I’m begging you… please… please…” Barry’s pleading tapered off into soft sobs again. Len looked up at Mick, who shrugged like he was clueless, this time it was Len who motioned to the study, and Mick nodded, Barry felt the weights beside him being lifted and he watched through blurry tear filled eyes as they headed into the study again.

As soon as the door closed Len hissed at Mick, “What do we do?”

“I don’t see a problem with it, if he really thinks he needs it what’s the harm?”

“I did what he wants to do now after what happened with you know who, and it only made me feel a thousand times worse in the end, I felt even more used… I can’t do that to him…”

“You did it because you felt like you were worth nothing, that’s not why he wants to, he’s in pain, and maybe it’ll make him feel better, maybe it’ll replace the memory… if we don’t give this to him, who knows who he’ll seek it out from, someone who could really hurt him…”

Len sighed, knowing Mick was right. Barry was in a very fragile state right now and he’d come to them. His self-worth didn’t seem to be as tarnished as Len’s was, and he really did seem to just be focused on just trying to heal an ounce of the pain. And if he feels like this will help, what really was the harm? He really didn’t want him to go to someone else, it would be too dangerous.

“Alright… as long as he’s sure… let’s go talk to him.” They exited the study and sat back down. Barry was waiting silently, the blanket sitting next to him folded.

“Look, I’m sorry, it’s not right for me to try to force you into something you don’t want to do… really, I’ll be fine… I’m just going to get out of your way now… thanks for everything… you really… you didn’t have to do this…” Barry had stood up and began backing away from them, still looking dejected,

“Barry, wait.” Len said. Barry paused, he couldn’t help but let the hope show in his eyes,

“If you are one hundred percent positive you want this, you swear to tell us to stop at any time if you want to stop, no matter what, and if we go through with it and you feel like you’re regretting it and begin to feel any self-loathing at all, or regret, you have to promise to wake us up to talk about it… Then we’re in…I just… I don’t want you to leave here feeling worse than you felt when you arrived…”

“Really? I swear I don’t want you to feel forced…”

“I don’t…I mean I think Mick’s been in since you suggested it… and it’s becoming cooler with me by the second…”

“Ok please don’t make cold puns while we have sex…I swear.”

“I make no promises…” Len said, Mick couldn’t help but roll his eyes, having experienced many creative cold puns while in the act before, as much as he hated to admit it.

“Both of you?” Barry asked.

“If that’s what you want,” Mick said, “I’m fine with it being just Len if that’s what you prefer…”

“No… I think I’d like it to be both of you…”

“If you’re sure…” Len said, stepping forward.

“I’m positive… please… I just… I really do want this… I need it…”

“Ok…” Len said, his tone now lowered to a whisper as he came closer to Barry, Len stepped into the younger male’s personal space, he placed his hands on Barry’s hips and with his signature smirk he stared him in the eyes, Barry couldn’t help but let a smile spread across his face as he too let his hands come to settle on Len’s waist, Len began to trail them slowly underneath his shirt and jacket, he brought their foreheads together, so they were touching, their lips now inches apart,

“You’re sure you want this?” Len could feel his heart beating faster in his chest by the second, he’d be lying if he said that the first time he’d gotten a glimpse of the speedster he hadn’t gotten a little hot under the collar from the way that the tight red leather, excuse him, reinforced tri-polymer fabric, clung to his lanky body.

“Yes...I’m sure…” And before Len could question him once again, he connected their lips together, this time, Len melted into it, Barry had reassured him numerous times that this was what he wanted, so he was going to now focus on making him feel better than Queen ever did so that Barry could put that asshole out of his mind. It didn’t take long for Barry to allow him entrance into his mouth, their tongues tentatively met and began to dual with each other, he felt the tension leaving Barry’s body as he sighed into Len’s mouth, Len trailed his hands down to the speedster’s ass to squeeze it playfully. This action gained him a sinful moan from the younger male’s mouth. Before Barry knew it he felt a warm presence close in on him from the back, the smell of sandalwood, fire, and sage invaded his senses, he knew it was Mick and he leaned into him, welcoming the bulky, muscular man’s presence.

Mick’s hot lips latched onto his neck, he kissed, sucked, and licked across Barry’s sensitive clavicle, he left small love bites, not hard enough that they bruised, but simply firm enough to leave a pleasurable nipping sensation in their wake as he trailed them upwards, to below his chin. Barry whined, breaking the kiss with Len and reaching back to press the back of Mick’s head into him, Mick’s stubble tickled his skin, the vibration of his chuckle causing Barry to inhale sharply as Mick pressed a warm pair of lips to the corner of his mouth,

“Mick…” He breathed, the words swallowed as Mick’s tongue dove into his mouth, all three of their tastes now mingling together. Len had been focusing on the right side of his neck as Mick claimed Barry’s mouth. Both of the criminals pulled away for a moment, to help Barry remove his jacket,

“Jeez kid, you like layers don’t you?” After the jacket was a cardigan that Len made quick work of unbuttoning, under that was a white dress shirt, clip on bow tie in place, which both Len and Barry quickly worked together to unbutton, to Len’s surprise, there was then a white undershirt under that as well.

“He’s right what’s with all the layers?” Mick commented, he’d been helping Barry shrug out of everything as Len unbuttoned in the front the whole time.

“I get cold easily.” Barry shrugged. Mick smiled,

“I can fix that,” They left the thin undershirt on for now, and Mick turned Barry around, quickly hoisting him up so Barry’s legs would wrap around his waist, his large scarred hands coming around to grip his ass, it seemed Barry had a thing for having his ass be massaged, and Mick had no problem with complying. Barry whimpered, using his own hands to cup Mick’s face and lock him in a deep kiss as he slowly began to grind against him. Len watched, a heated gaze on the two of them as he quickly worked to undress himself, goggles, parka, leather jacket, turtleneck, (yes he knew nobody wore those anymore), black long sleeve undershirt, socks, now he was left in his fitted, yet not unbearably tight dark wash pants, held up by a $2,000 belt with real gold on the buckle. So what, he enjoyed the finer things in life. He’d worked hard to steal all the money he had and he could spend it how he wished. He was now left shirtless, tattoos on display. His own scars, for once, not even coming to mind. He came back over to the two who were still caught up in a deep liplock,

“We should move this to the bedroom, what do you say?” He drawled out. Mick and Barry pulled away from each other and nodded, Mick carried Barry into the bedroom. Dropping him down on the bed gently, and leaving him so that he could get undressed. Barry whined softly at the loss of contact, but attempted to make himself comfortable on the bed before kicking off his own shoes and stripping himself of his undershirt and his own pants. The two older men were just as careless with their clothes as he was, sheading them precariously and letting them drop to the floor, just trying to strip as fast as they could. Len came over to help Mick get his suit unzipped from the back, before turning Mick around to plant a deep kiss on him, the two got a bit caught up in each other as Barry watched with his pupils blown from the bed.  He’d reached into his black boxer briefs and began to stroke his already hardening cock furiously, the two were just so hot, and he was desperate now. Two soft moans of pleasure alerted Mick and Len of Barry’s presence again, and they broke apart, both heads turning to see Barry, now naked, with his hard member in hand, wantonly jerking himself off as he watched the two of them. Len smirked and so did Mick at the desperate speedster in front of them.

“Scarlett, slow down… we have so much planned for you.”

“Multiple orgasms… it’s ok… I’ll last…” Barry panted as his hand began to move faster and faster, a few seconds later he was keening as his first orgasm overtook him, his cum coating his hand. He fell back sated for the moment and licked the cum off of his hand. Len, who was still trying to take in the fact that he could have multiple orgasms, let his eyes widen comically as Barry proceeded to lick his own cum off of his hand.

“That is so fucking sexy…” Mick growled, and pinned the smaller male to the bed, kissing him and licking into his mouth, hoping to get the lingering taste of Barry on his tongue. He rolled them over so Barry was situated on top of him, ass grinding down against his own hard, but still clothed cock.

“Do we need condoms?” Barry asked, breathlessly.

“We’re both clean and we haven’t been with anyone else since are last test a month ago,” Mick looked to Len to confirm it, Len nodded back.

“I can’t catch anything, and besides, Caitlin tests my blood every week and she would’ve told me if I had picked up anything. So if you guys are ok with it then I’m ok with bareback too.” Len shrugged,

“Fine by me,” he said, “Me too,” Mick chimed in. He then gave a playful swat to Barry’s ass and Barry got the message, sliding off of him and perching on his knees on the bed, cock already hard again.

 “Damn Scarlett… any more tricks you have up your sleeve?”

“Maybe… like I said I can vibrate any part of my body… do you want me to show you?” Len nodded and Barry motioned for him to come closer,

“Um…can you get on your knees please… I want to suck you…” Len did as asked, kneeling on the bed as Barry palmed his crotch. He was already achingly hard and burning with anticipation. Barry had slid off of Mick, and Mick had taken the chance to finish stripping completely, before coming back over to the bed and lounging backwards against the headboard to simply watch his partner and the young speedster. Barry hadn’t wasted any time at all, as soon as Len had come to kneel up before him he had taken his cock out and began to stroke it, laving at the head and teasing the tip of his dick before slowly, centimeter by centimeter slowly taking it back into his throat. Len groaned and found his hands automatically coming to rest in Barry’s short hair, he gripped onto the short tufts, but still let Barry set the pace. Barry breathed through his nose as he took Len’s rather impressive length into the back of his throat, finally feeling ready enough he let himself begin to vibrate. A light buzzing sound filled the room, and Len cursed loudly, tugging on Barry’s hair hard enough to make it hurt, Barry only winced slightly, but didn’t let it deter him from what he was in the middle of.

“Fucking hell Scarlett… damn…” Barry was now bobbing his head with vigor, saliva dripped down his chin messily, but he didn’t care, he loved the feel of Len’s hands in his hair and the low grunts and moans that left the older man’s throat.

“Mick…” Len said breathlessly, Mick kneed his way over to Len, roughly grabbing the back of his neck and crashing their lips together in a dirty, sloppy, yet passionate kiss, swallowing his partner’s moans before they could audibly leave his lips. Barry had pulled off of Len now, he’d gone on for slightly longer than he’d meant to and was now trying to catch his breath. Which was hard to do with the scene in front of him making his cock achingly hard and his heart beat double time in his chest. Mick and Len were so hot together, he’d never been with more than one lover at a time, honestly never seeing himself as the type to try a threesome. But now, in this moment, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t sooner.

Mick was still kissing Len with everything in him, his large, calloused hand had come between them to take a hold of both of their cocks, he jerked them between their bodies slowly, letting Len grind against him as he swiped his thumb across the head of both of them to mix their precum together. 

“Come here Red…” Mick said to him, Barry eagerly scrambled over, Mick leaned in and kissed him hard, pulling away to leave a strand of saliva he motioned with his head to Len, Barry looked at him, and this time, slower went in for another kiss with him.

“How do you want to do this Scarlett?” Len asked, Barry thought for a moment,

“However you want to, I don’t mind a little roughness… I actually think it’s kind of hot… Oliver would never be rough with me, considering how our first time together went. Just don’t call me names please… I’m fine with spanking…” A blush tinged Barry’s cheeks as he explained, “But really, whatever you want to do is fine, you guys invited me into your bed and you didn’t have to so whatever you’re comfortable with… I would like to be fucked though… I can top too but I would prefer to bottom today…And also, I prefer to cuddle after wards, but if you would rather not that’s fine too.”

“Len’s a cuddler too,” Mick piped in,

“You tell anyone I’ll ice you,” Len said, Barry just smirked, “But I think we can incorporate those things,” Len said, “I have an idea.”

“You always have an idea.” Mick said, rolling his eyes,

“How do you feel about rimming?” Barry blushed even redder at Len’s proposition,

“Mick’s going to rim you while I suck you off, we can incorporate the spanking there too, then he’s going to fuck you while I fuck him, And then we’ll switch places, I’ll fuck you while he fucks me, then I’d love for you to show off those vibrations to Mick, I’m sure he’ll enjoy them,”

“Actually, can I make a request… I’ve never done this before…but I’d really like to try having you both fuck me… at the same time.”

“Are you sure red? We really don’t want to hurt you,”

“I’ve seen it before… in porn all be it… and it just… it looks really hot and it’s absolutely something I never would’ve been able to do with Oliver, he’s too possessive to share…”

“We’ll see, we don’t want to push you too far, now hands and knees Scarlett,” Len said, patting his chest, Barry smiled eagerly, his cock bouncing between his legs as he crawled foreward and straddled Len’s chest, moving up so that his cock brushed against his lips, Mick bent down between Len’s legs, placing both hands on the globes of Barry’s ass, before Len could even begin to suck Barry, he landed a hard smack down on his right ass cheek. Barry moaned wantonly and his hips jerked forward,

“Fuck, your cock is perfect Barry…” Barry blushed, not really knowing what made his dick so perfect, but glad that Len was pleased, he felt the cool air touch his puckered entrance as Mick spread him open. He spit messily onto his crack and began to lick him with fervor, not wasting a moment. Len had brought Barry’s cock into his mouth, and was letting Barry’ slowly grind down on him and thrust slowly into his mouth as he took it,

Barry moaned again, Mick’s hot wet tongue at his back and Len’s warm mouth at his front, making him see stars. Mick landed another slap to his left ass cheek, causing Barry to thrust deep into Len’s throat, Len took him in willingly, a wet squelching sound accompanying his deep throating. Another slap to his right ass cheek and he came down Len’s throat, his legs shaking from his second orgasm, he withdrew his cock, sitting back on Len’s chest, shivering and trying to come down from his high.

“Fuck… fucking hell… yes…” Len wiped his mouth, and smirked at the speedster who was breathing heavily once again, he gently removed Barry froom where he was straddling him and onto the bed, he instead pressed a pillow underneath his hips and came over to Mick to give him a deep kiss, licking into his mouth to taste Barry as well.

Barry was humping the pillow and whimpering as Mick and Len continued to make out with each other. Len noticed out of the corner of his eye and gave another hard slap to Barry’s ass, he pulled away from Mick,

“No humping the pillow, we’re gonna put a cock ring on you if you try to get yourself off, we are going to be the only ones who make you cum from now on, understand? If you do say yes sir,” Barry gasped, and when he didn’t answer immediately Mick spanked him again,

“He asked you a question Red,”

“Oh! Fuck… yes sirs… Yes sir! I won’t… I promise… please fuck me now… please I need to be filled up…” Barry shivered,

“Good boy,” Mick said, he massaged the now red cheeks of his ass and once again knelt down to continue rimming the younger male, he reached forward with one of his hands to grip Barry’s balls tightly, causing a gasp to be elicited from the Speedsters mouth,

“Just to make sure you don’t cum before you’re supposed to, You’re gonna wait until I have every inch of my cock sunk in your ass before you cum you hear, and I still have to prep you.”

Barry wasn’t able to speak, all he could do was whimper,

“Answer him,” Len said, this time landing a slightly lighter spank on his thigh.

“Yes sir…” Barry trembled as Mick’s tongue laved at his entrance again. Mick took the lube from where Len had lied it on the bed and coated his fingers with it, slowly beginning to open the speedster up for his thick length. Before Barry knew it he felt something larger teasing at his entrance, he pressed backwards against Mick, trying to get him to press inside him already, dying from anticipation, Len reached under Barry and grabbed his balls again tightly,

“Fuck!” Barry cursed.

“None of that Scarlett, Mick will fuck you soon, just wait.” Barry shivered again and finally managed to stop moving, and finally, finally, Mick pressed inside him. He fell forward onto the bed, his elbows giving out, Mick thrusted inside him with one smooth slide thanks to copious amounts of lube,

“You ok Red?” He asked him, Barry nodded, and Mick slowly began to withdraw his cock from Barry’s tight channel. Barry felt his eyes roll into the back of his head, Len let go of his balls and he felt his cock jerk, Mick thrusted back inside him sharply, hitting his sweet spot on the first try, Barry cried out loudly, his cock twitching again as he finally came again. Mick’s cock continued to pound into him as Barry saw stars momentarily, all he could do was moan brokenly as Mick roughly gripped his hips,

“He finally managed to get to his hands again and he moaned out, “Fuck… yes, Mick, oh god…” Mick smirked as Barry continued to babble praises intermixed with his name here and there until he came a second time with his cock buried inside him. This time when Barry tightened around him Mick could feel himself getting close and he didn’t want to cum yet, so with one more sharp thrust, he pulled out, letting Barry fall back onto the bed, a shaking, shivering, whimpering mess.

Len crawled over to him to turn him over, worried that he was going to suffocate himself in the covers,

“Hey, hey Barry… Barry, it’s ok, are you ok? Was that too much?”

“God… no… fuck… that was….that was fucking perfect… I just… I need a minute to catch my breath.”

Len nodded, continuing to stroke his hands gently through the young speedsters hair as he twitched involuntarily, his cock already achingly hard again.

“Need more…” He moaned, “Please Len… please… I need you both inside me…. Can I ride you… can I ride you both, please?” It seemed Barry had forgotten about their no begging rule, but he just looked so desperate lying there with his eyes wide, cock leaking and sweat tinged brow, that Len didn’t care, he just wanted to make the speedster feel good, and if this was what he wanted, he was willing to try it, but only if Barry set the pace.

“That sounds good, that way you can stop if you need to, you must let us know though if anything at all hurts, ok?”

“Yes, I promise please… I just… I need more… thank you.” Barry sat up on his own and let Len free from where he was leaning against him, Len went over to Mick and asked him in a low tone,

“You ok with this?”

“Whatever the kid wants,” Mick replied,

“Alright then,” Len kissed Mick soundly, pressing him back onto the bed, griding against him this time, their cocks both still achingly hard, Mick reached down to stop his partner’s hips though,

“Please… don’t do that right now, if you keep doing that I’m going to cum and it’s all going to be over. We need to do this now.” He said. Len nodded and sat up,

“I think we’re going to have to kind of, sit like this, he spread his legs and scooted forward, interlocking both mick’s and his legs, their cocks both toughing each other in the middle,  The position took a lot of energy but the two rogues were in great shape, so it wasn’t too hard for them,

“Alright Barr, whenever you’re ready.”

Barry scrambled over eagerly, kneeling up beside them, his own hand slowly stroking his cock as he looked down at the position the two men were in trying to decide how he wanted to situate himself, he decided to straddle them, facing Len’s way, parting his still raw ass cheeks and slightly open hole,

“Len… Please…I need to feel you inside me… then Mick can push in too…” Len nodded letting Barry reach below him to line his cock up with his own entrance, Barry slid down on Len’s long rod, a little less thick than Mick’s but what he lacked in girth, he made up for in length. Barry slowly began to ride him, Len’s hand came to rest at Barry’s right hip, not controlling him, but simply bracing him where he was,

“Feels so amazing… god… Mick please… you can…you can fuck me now… I’m ready.”

“You sure Red?” Mick asked, taking his cock in hand, “Fuck… yes… please! Just do it already,” Mick chuckled at the impatience of the Speedster. Barry stopped riding Len for the moment to allow Mick to slide in beside him slowly, just an inch at first. Fuck… this burned, it was a huge stretch, Barry knew it would be, but he was aching for it anyway, Mick slid in a little bit more before asking if he needed more lube, Barry shook his head,

“It’s fine, just give it another minute, how much more do you think you have to go?”

“About four inches still, you sure?” Mick asked,

“Yeah, I’m sure…” Barry clenched around them both, Len inhaled sharply, his head thudding back onto the bed,

“You’re so fucking tight Barry.” He praised him. Barry nodded at Mick to move a bit more, it took about five more minutes but finally, both of their cocks were buried deep inside Barry’s ass. Barry pressed himself down so that he would be seated on the both of them, hissing slightly and causing Len’s grip on his right hip to tighten.

This was amazing for Barry, he felt so full, every one of his senses were on fire at the moment, his nerves were tingling as the two cocks inside of him jerked slightly bumping against the sensitive walls of his ass, he knew once he started riding them they’d be able to find that perfect angle once again.

“You guys ok?” He asked,

“Perfect.” “Fucking Amazing,” the two both chimed at the same time,

“Good… can I move?” He asked,”

“That’s up to you Red, just don’t hurt yourself.” Barry nodded, slowly, he pulled himself up, the two cocks in his ass pulling out of him, the fullness gone for the moment, slowly he slid back down, the fullness once again settling in, he angled his hips forward and gasped as the cocks inside him nudged at that bundle of nerves.

“Yes… fuck…”

Mick had never felt anything like this before, he knew he was going to cum before long and Barry hadn’t even gotten started yet, Len’s cock against his felt amazing, the tightness that was Barry suffocating both of their cocks felt devine, he didn’t know how much longer he could hold on,

“Red, I don’t know how much longer I can hold on, I’m going to need you to start moving,

“Yeah… ok.” Barry said, and he began to move a bit faster. He clenched again around the two of them, causing them to moan out loud and for Len to dig his fingers into his hips bruisingly,

“Fuck Barry…” Barry was full out riding them within two minutes, working himself on their cocks, his head thrown back, neck arched beautifully, mouth open in a sinful ‘O’ shape, cock bouncing freely as he drove himself down and up over and over again until his thighs burned from the pace. He stopped, seating himself again on the both of them,

“I need you guys to fuck me now… I can’t keep riding you my thighs are burning… please…” This time, they didn’t even ask him if he was sure, obeying him right away, Mick was so close to the edge right now he felt as if he was going to explode at any second.

“Sure thing Scarlett,” Len said, and with a firm grip on his hips, he thrusted himself up into him, Mick let out a throaty grunt at the feel of Len’s dick moving beside his inside Barry, The two worked up to a faster pace, whenever Len pulled out, Mick would thrust forward, and vice versa, there wasn’t a second in which Barry felt empty, each time they thrusted, one or the other would hit his prostate and send his nerves into a frenzy, he wished he could stroke his cock, but he was too busy bracing himself with both hands on the bed, their pace got harder, their cocks reaching deeper and deeper, Barry felt tears come to his eyes from the pleasure he was in, he breathlessly whimpered out “I’m going to cum… fuck… I’m going to cum so hard… please… keep going… holy shit… I want you both to cum in me please…” Skin slapping against skin and the ragged pants of all three participants was the only sound that could be heard for a few moments. Finally, Mick grunted, his hips beginning to piston uncontrollably, with a few final thrusts he came into Barry, Barry clenched tightly as he felt Mick slam into his prostate, throwing him into orgasm as well, his dick spurting messily out onto Len’s stomach, Len let out his own cry as he felt Barry tighten around him and the warmth of Mick’s cum slick up Barry’s hole even more, with a curse and a shout he came into Barry as well. Thrusting shallowly to ride out his own orgasm. Barry had lifted off of both of their cocks and with his last ounce of strength fallen onto the bed beside the two, curling up into a ball and vibrating uncontrollably, hitched breaths and choked sobs being ripped from his throat. Len lied there blissed out for a moment unable to move, this had been one of the best orgasms he’d ever had. Only standing second to the first time he and Mick had made love, Mick had been so gentle and so amazing to him, they’d waited for over a year to get physical and by then they were both dying to feel each other’s touch. He rolled over, immediately stunned to see the speedster lying curled up next to him, lightning flickering off of him as he vibrated, he reached out wary, wondering if he was going to get shocked, thankfully, he didn’t, he slowly rubbed Barry’s back, pulling himself up enough to slide behind him so they could spoon,

“Hey Scarlett, it’s ok...” Barry was now only vibrating in short spurts now, hiccupped sobs still coming from his throat as he tried to calm himself down. Feeling Len’s warmth behind him helped a lot though, and eventually, he was still again, except for the occasional sob here and there. Mick had gotten up and headed to the bathroom, bringing back washcloths for them to clean themselves up with, Len cleaned himself up, and Mick did the same, Barry though was still curled into a tight ball on the bed,

“Hey Red, why don’t you clean yourself up before you fall asleep k?” Mick gently coaxed the speedster out of his tightly curled up ball, he gently cleaned him off, reaching behind Barry to gingerly wipe at the cum that was spilling from his ass and onto the bed. Barry gasped at the cool touch of the rag, but didn’t move away. When Mick was satisfied, he threw the rags to the floor with the rest of their clothes and walked around the bed to bracket Barry’s other side, he pulled him into his chest and let Barry finish crying, Barry pulled away, red rimmed eyes, he wiped at them and let out a self-deprecating chuckle.

“God, I don’t know why I’m crying… I swear it’s not because I’m hurt or sad.

“We understand Scarlett, sometimes these things can be overwhelming,” Len said, gently running his hand up and down Barry’s arm, Barry nodded in agreement.

“Thank you… Thank you both… this was honestly what I needed…I feel a lot better to be honest… I mean the ache is still there… but it’s easing…”

“Good… Good…” Mick mused. Barry rolled onto his back, the two rogues beside him, facing towards him on both sides. Barry sighed and tangled his legs together with there’s. He yawned rather adorably and Len couldn’t help but let a smile grace his features, he looked over Barry at Mick to see him smiling rather fondly at the kid between them as well.

“That’s right, you can sleep now Scarlett, and we’ll be here when you wake up.” Barry nodded and snuggled down between the two of them, exhausted. The three of them all nodded off within ten minutes, sleeping soundly through the night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it sucked, I tried. I rewrote it about four times and I'm still not completely thrilled with how it turned out. But thanks for reading and please leave a comment!


	23. End of Time

Barry woke up to find the sun streaming into his eyes, he groaned and rolled over in the bed, the smell of peppermint and cigarettes suddenly invaded his nose, he didn’t smoke… and he usually wasn’t one for peppermint either. His eyes shot open, he wasn’t in his own bed, where the hell was he? He flashed up fast enough to give himself whiplash and let out a strangled whimper of pain, he had to stop doing that.

 

“Great to see you’re finally awake.” A voice said from in front of him, he blinked away the colors that had begun to swim behind his eyelids and focused on the voice in front of him. It was Len. And that’s when he remembered what had happened the night before. Suddenly he was very aware that he was still very naked and exposed while Len was decked out fully in his cold regalia. His cheeks began to turn pink as he remembered everything, he couldn’t meet the older man’s eyes. He wasn’t ashamed or upset about what had happened, he was however, a bit embarrassed about how he’d conducted himself initially. God he’d come off as so desperate… and he had been… but holy shit, did he have no respect for himself?

 

“Scarlett? You ok?” Len snapped his fingers in front of Barry’s face, Barry jolted out of his trance quickly to realize that Len was now standing right in front of him, holding out a towel and the clothes he’d been wearing from the night before, except now they were pressed and dried.

 

“Sorry, sorry, just thinking, what did you say?” Len raised an eyebrow, “Not having any regrets, are you?”

 

“No, not about what happened…. More about how I showed up in the first place. Sorry for ambushing you guys like that. This is supposed to be a safehouse for you two… I shouldn’t have just showed up without asking… and I really was kind of desperate… I hope you don’t have any regrets about what happened,”

 

“None what so ever, I’ve wanted to get my hands on you since I first saw you in that suit, pretty sure Mick has wanted to as well, and I know I talk a big game, but you know I’d never hurt you right? I honestly don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here. City would’ve definitely gone to shit already without you in it.” Barry flashed away from him for a second without answering before coming back a mere ten seconds later and literally attacking him again, this time with a massive hug from the back, for a moment Len panicked, but he relaxed once he remembered it was Barry,

 

“Awww Lenny you like meeeeeeeeee.” Barry sung obnoxiously as he hugged Len tightly,

 

“Course I do Scarlett, but this conversation doesn’t leave this room you hear? Don’t need others to think I’ve gone soft on you,” Barry gave Len a quick kiss that left a small shock of static in its wake.

 

“No promises.” He told him, Len hummed sarcastically in agreement,

 

“Well I guess you don’t want the massive breakfast that Mick’s been cooking all morning for you, no food unless you promise that you won’t repeat what I just told you to anyone,”

 

“You’re no fun,”

 

“That’s not what you said last night,” Len quipped back, Barry rolled his eyes, After the initial emotional round one, they’d gone for another about an hour later, that one purely because Barry had just wanted to, not out of spite or sadness, but because he was genuinely enjoying sex for the first time in well…ever. He wasn’t a virgin before Oliver. He just seemed to have a past in having sex for all the wrong reasons. Highschool it was a desperate attempt to convince himself he wasn’t bisexual. College it was to confirm the fact that he was indeed bisexual, and well, neither person he’d been with had he been in a serious relationship with. Not to say they were one night stands, but there were no disillusions that they would be forever on either side.  

 

“Fine, where’s the food?” Barry asked, Len walked over to the door to open it, he bowed and gestured overdramatically for Barry to exit before him, “This way,” he said sarcastically, Barry sauntered out before him. Different smells assaulted him all at once, all of them good though. His eyes lit up when he turned the corner into the kitchen. The stove was on and Mick stood in front of it in a black apron tending to the sizzling strips of bacon in the pan in front of him. The counter was already littered with every breakfast food imaginable.

 

“Hey Red, glad to see you’re up, hope you’re hungry.”

 

“Always!” Barry said, this morning was turning out to be better than he’d anticipated. He flashed around the kitchen, downing the mega stack of pancakes and the four omelets that had been set out on the counter, only stopping when he realized that maybe not all of this was for him,

 

“Shit, did you guys eat already?”

 

“Yup, this is all for you, so keep it up, I’m going to do that thing you and I talked about earlier,” Len told Mick, giving him a pointed look, Mick understood it probably had something to do with the heist next month, and while Barry was welcome in their home, they weren’t going to give him any more advantages over them than what he already had.

 

“Whatever you say boss, I’ll make sure our speedster gets to work on time.” Barry harrumphed at that, not wanting to go back to the real world just yet. Mick shuffled forward with the pan of finished bacon in his hands and gave Len a peck on the cheek, Len wrinkled his nose and turned a bit pink in the cheeks as Mick acted so domestic in front of their guest, but he wasn’t about to complain out loud. Barry couldn’t help but look down as the two then shared a quick but firm kiss on the mouth before Len turned to walk towards the door. Barry wanted what they had. Barry finished up the breakfast foods a little while after Len left, it was 8:30 and he had to be at the precinct at 9, he sped through washing all the dishes Mick had used to make him breakfast and was on his way towards the door at a normal human pace when Mick appeared after having showered,

 

“Hold up kid, made you some lunch to take to work, if you like the food you should come down to saints and sinners on Friday, that’s when I cook there usually. I’d be glad to do my dues to the city and fix you something for free if you want, can’t have the Flash passing out on the job, that wouldn’t be any fun for anyone. Especially not that pretty doctor friend of yours.”

 

“Did Len put you up to this?”

 

“Partly, but I don’t mind.”

 

Barry took the family sized looking lunchbox from Mick, he opened it and peered inside, everything in it smelled amazing, he couldn’t wait for lunch now.

“Take care of yourself kid, you always seem to be able to find us if you need us, just a little more warning would be helpful.” Barry nodded, and before he could let the situation get awkward, considering that Mick was still only wrapped in a towel from his shower he sped off to work.

 

-

 

Oliver threw the shot glass at the wall, he watched it shatter into a hundred some tiny pieces. He winced, squeezing his eyes shut and digging his thumbs into the inside creases of them. He wasn’t sure why, it was only making the oncoming headache worse. He’d been drinking since midnight. His phone was off, he’d left it in the arrow cave so it couldn’t bother him. He was locked in his campaign office right now. He knew that the first places his friends would look would be at his house or the cave, it would take them a little longer to find him here at least. He was just so confused. He knew what he was doing was wrong but his heart was so conflicted now. He loved Felicity, he did.

 

But something was different now. Something was off and the love wasn’t as strong as it had been before. Maybe it was the fact that he knew she still didn’t trust him like she had before, or maybe, just maybe it was that he was falling for Barry too. Truly falling for him, as in he might even _love_ him. Was it possible to love two people that much at once? Polyamorous couples could, but that just wasn’t him. Even though some people might not believe him, he’d always seen himself as someone who was a one-person kind of guy. Even in his playboy phase, all he’d really wanted was someone to settle down with who he could come home to every night.

 

He just didn’t know how to go about finding that person, and it seems as if he still didn’t know considering the situation he was in. This time it was different though. This time he cared about both parties involved and he just didn’t know how to let one or the other go. He didn’t even know which one he wanted to let go. His head was throbbing by now. He was well on his way to his second bottle of vodka, and that was after a bottle of Patron, and a six pack of beer. How in the hell had ne not blacked out yet? Not that he cared, it was just curiosity at this point. He unsteadily walked back over to his desk and plopped down in the uncomfortable chair and massaged his temples… this was going to be a long night.

-

He didn’t think this was how he would find himself brought to his end. This wasn’t how he pictured his world ending, not like this, standing in the parking lot of his apartment complex at one of the shitty mailboxes that anybody could get into if they tried, a white, gold and green metallic green trimmed card in his hands announcing the wedding.

 

 

TOGETHER WITH ONLY THE CLOSEST OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY

 

FELICITY MEGAN SMOKE & OLIVER JONAS QUEEN

 

REQUEST THE PLEASURE OF YOUR COMPANY

 

TO BE WITNESS TO THEIR VOWS IN THE UNION OF MARRIAGE

 

SATURDAY

 

SEPTEMBER FIFTEENTH TWO THOUSAND FIFTEEN

 

TWO O’CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON

 

AT THE QUEEN MANOR

427 CLAREMONT ROAD, STARLING CITY, WA

 

RECEPTION DINNER AND DRINKS TO BE SERVED AFTER

 

~SAVE THE DATE~

9/15/15

 

 

Barry felt like he couldn’t breathe, this wasn’t happening, he’d known forever that it was happening, but God, this couldn’t be happening. Seeing it on paper made it all too real. Oliver wasn’t his, and he never would be. No matter how many promises he’d made in the past, this was happening, he was gone, Barry had let him slip through his grip, and he hated himself for it. A tiny part in the back of his mind shouted at him that he deserved better, it sounded suspiciously like Iris, but there was one problem. He didn’t want better. He wanted Oliver. The good, the bad, the ugly, with all of his scars and baggage, despite all the mistakes he’d made, in sickness and in health, to have and to hold, fuck! He wanted to be the one marrying him. But he’d missed his chance and it honestly felt like the world was ending. Maybe he was being over dramatic but in that moment, he felt like he’d lost the will to live. His vision blurred with tears he sped back into his apartment, not caring who saw, he climbed into his bed and he pulled the covers up to his nose, he buried his face into the pillow and finally let the tears fall. He turned his phone off, not wanting to be bothered, even for Flash business, as selfish as it sounded Zoom could be destroying the whole city and at this moment in time, he wouldn’t give a rat’s ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is just another filler chapter but I've really been brainstorming hard for the past few weeks and I finally know exactly where this is going to take me, hopefully I'll be able to stick to the script.


End file.
